Title: So You Want To Transfigure Yourself a Rock Band (Director's Cut)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 for rampant glittersex.
Summary: Glam, glitter, guitars, and groping.
A/N: I asked what you guys wanted a director's cut of, and this won by
a landslide. It's one of my favorites too.
This story started out as a drabble I
wrote right after I read Fairy Boys by B. It was supposed to be a cute
fluff about eyeliner and flared jeans and Remus and Sirius, but then it
just refused to stop. And then about halfway through, Remus flatly
refused to pine for Sirius and then be fluffy with him and I had to go
the whole way back to the beginning and change just about everything,
including adding in this first bit.
This was the first time I'd ever had
to massively rework an entire story. I was very frustrated and I nearly
quit several times because I just couldn't understand why Remus was
fighting my plot so badly. Once I finally gave in though, I have to
admit that the story he wanted to tell was much better.
Remus felt that he had prepared himself sufficiently
for the sight of Sirius coming towards him on the platform. It was true
that the absence of Sirius' presence had indeed made the heart grow
fonder, but Remus' body at least seemed to have settled into relative
dormancy. He took a deep breath, reminded himself for the four hundred
and fifty-sixth time that morning that his physical attraction to
Sirius last semester had been a phase and it was now over.
Peter was occupied with his parents, and James was
fighting an over-piled and toppling trolley, so Remus was the only one
paying attention as Sirius appeared through the gate of Platform 9 3/4.
Sirius scanned the crowd, searching, and when his gaze met Remus’, an
electric thrill ran through the werewolf.
The original story (and the drabble)
Remus was utterly unprepared for the sight of Sirius
coming towards him on the platform.
above, Sirius looks good, some part of Remus' brain announced as
he stared, eyes locked with Sirius’. He would have been suppressing a
lovesick sigh, but he couldn't breathe.
None of them had seen Sirius all summer, since he'd
run away from home and hid out with his cousin Andromeda and her Muggle
husband. Remus had expected him to look a little different, but he had
People have pointed out to me that Ted
Tonks is actually Muggle-born, not Muggle, and they're right, but I
never got round to fixing the error. I'm also clearly ignoring the fact
that Sirius spent the missing summer with James, but eh.
Sirius stopped in front of Remus, grinning, and was
opening his mouth to say something when James finally noticed him.
“Good lord, man!” James exclaimed. “What’s on your
“Is that eyeliner?” Peter asked, jogging over and
waving off his parents. “How on earth does Sirius manage to make
eyeliner look masculine?”
“I think he should take it off, don’t you, Moony?”
James elbowed Remus, who was suffering from full-body paralysis.
Remus wished very much that Sirius would do away
with the eyeliner before the paralysis wore off, because as soon as his
body shook off the torpor, he had a sinking suspicion that his little
infatuation would be returning full force.
The drabble ended here, although the
thrust of the original thing was that Remus was struggling not to fuck
Sirius right on the platform, and by the time all the Remus-editing was
done, the end result was just resignation that Remus' body was clearly
not going to obey the direct order to "stop lusting after Sirius right
Somehow the others tugged Remus onto the train and
into their compartment, no one noticing his silence as any different
than his usual tranquility as James and Sirius expressed their
happiness through roughhousing. In the midst of everything, Sirius told
them about something that Muggles called ‘Glam’ and which seemed to be
the explanation for the eyeliner, but Remus was having trouble
concentrating on the words. He was too distracted by how wide and clear
the eyeliner made Sirius' eyes look, and how his thick black hair was
now brushing his shoulders.
It wasn’t until Lily had retrieved James for some
Head Student meeting that Remus felt he could exert enough control over
himself to actually speak to Sirius. Peter had pulled out a book and
was trying to finish his summer homework, and Sirius was staring at
Remus, a bemused expression on his face. He reached over and
nudged Remus’ foot with his own. The brush of physical contact shot
straight through Remus, and he resigned himself to another term of
carrying around the unabridged version of Hogwarts, A History, the only tome
that could plausibly hide his Sirius-induced erections.
I love that detail about him carrying
around the History. I can so
see him doing it.
“You’re quiet,” Sirius said. He grinned knowingly,
and for a split second Remus worried that, along with the ability to
melt Remus into a pile of goo at a hundred paces, Glam might have also
endowed Sirius with psychic ability.
“It’s good to see you,” Remus replied, avoiding the
question, blushing very faintly as he met Sirius’ eyes, and glad he had
changed into his robes already. “We were worried.”
“We?” Sirius quirked an eyebrow.
“I was worried,” Remus admitted, suspicious about
what Sirius was getting at. “James was just treating it like you were
off on hols or something.”
“It was rather like a holiday,” Sirius shrugged. “I
could’ve used some company though.”
Remus thought Sirius had nudged his foot again when
he said that, but it might just have been the jostling of the train.
Before Remus could reply, James was back, hollering at him to get to
the Prefects’ car.
Remus glanced back at Sirius as he left the car, and
Sirius gave a little wave with his fingertips. His lower body
rebelliously doing a similar wave, Remus slid the door closed behind
This conversation started out much
more blunt and with Remus being entirely clueless that Sirius was
blatantly flirting with him. Ellen made me tighten it up to being a lot
more enigmatic on Sirius' part, and Remus flatly refused to be so sappy.
As it turned out, eyeliner was not the only thing
Sirius had brought back from his summer with the Muggles.
“It’s an electric guitar,” Sirius announced to them
proudly as he pulled the shiny thing out of his trunk.
Let me state right here that electric
guitars do things to
me. They are so beautiful, and the sound they make goes right
through me, like when you sit on a running motorcycle and it's making
your whole torso vibrate? Electric guitars do that to me.
“Electric?” Peter asked. “But electric things don’t
work inside Hogwarts.”
“I’m meeting Arthur Weasley the first Hogsmead
weekend,” Sirius explained. “He’s going to show me how to enchant it.”
Remus, sitting beside Sirius, reached over without
thinking to stroke the side of the guitar. It was deep red and had a
touch of iridescence in its sheen that glinted in the warm light of
“It’s beautiful,” he told Sirius, and Sirius beamed,
running his fingers up the frets and producing a metallic rasping.
“What’s it sound like?” James eyed the guitar
“I’ll show you, but,” Sirius warned, “it isn’t going
to sound too impressive without a functional amplifier. That’s the bit
I need Arthur to enchant.”
Heh, it's a poor little fix to the
electrical plot hole, but I don't mind. Plus, now there gets to be
Remus withdrew his hand and Sirius strummed a few
chords and plucked a few notes. Sirius was right, it wasn’t very
impressive, but Remus didn’t think it deserved James and Peter’s hoots
of laughter. Sirius, however, didn’t seem offended.
“You just wait,” was all he said as he tucked the
guitar carefully back into his trunk. “After Arthur gets through with
this thing, it’ll be able to blow McGonagall right out of Gryffindor
Remus was glad the first Hogsmead weekend was early
this year, because he’d been dying to know what the shiny guitar was
supposed to sound like after Sirius' continual mention of the thing.
James and Peter remained uninterested and decided to go drool over
Quidditch supplies, but Remus tagged along with Sirius to meet Arthur
in the Three Broomsticks.
“She’s a beauty, all right!” Arthur whistled when
Sirius produced the guitar from the Neverfull bag he had borrowed from
James. The amplifier followed and tinkering ensued.
The Neverfull bag is a random
throwaway detail I made up based on the Dungeons and Dragons Bag of
Holding. I'm sure Wizards have something similar, and anyway Sirius
can't lug the guitar and amplifier everywhere inconspicuously.
“How’s Molly and that brat of yours?” Sirius asked
while they worked. “Not showing any Black tendencies, is it?”
I always liked the mention in OotP
that Sirius was related somehow to the Weasleys, and it stands to
reason he'd be on good terms with his cousins, if for no other reason
that to piss his own family off. Ellen and I argued about this quite a
bit, but I don't like to think that Molly and Arthur are more than 4 or
5 years older than Sirius, if that.
“Bill’s getting huge,” Arthur replied with a laugh.
“He’s talking all the time now, babbling like Dumbledore…and Molly’s
more than halfway through producing another one!”
“Honestly, Arthur,” Sirius snorted. “Take a breather
in between or Molly’s going to put a cork in you!”
Remus wondered if Sirius had any normal relatives at
all. And exactly what part of Arthur Molly would cork. And if there was
any chance of him tearing his eyes away from the flex of Sirius' arm
muscles as he dug around the innards of the amplifier.
No, don't want to
know, and no, Remus concluded grimly.
After half an hour, Arthur sat back in his chair and
told Sirius to test it. Sirius pried the shiny plug out of Arthur's
hand, then connected the amplifier to the guitar and strummed a test
chord. The electric thrum that washed over Remus was an auditory
version of catching Sirius’ eye on the train platform.
Arthur does enjoy those Plugs. We may
not have a lot of random details like that in canon, but I'll be damned
if I don't squeeze them in as often as possible.
“Do it again,” Remus said before he could stop
himself. Sirius looked at him questioningly, but Remus nodded firmly,
barely managing not to blush.
Sirius strummed again, this time loud enough to make
several people in the pub turn their heads, and Remus shivered
It appeared he was going to like Glam after all.
Rather more than he wanted to, in fact.
In the weeks that followed, Sirius pulled out the
guitar several times a week to practice in their room. At first he only
practiced when he was alone or when Remus was the only one in the room.
Sirius would sprawl across his bed and lazily pick out riffs from
various songs on the Wizard Top 40; Remus would lay on his own bed with
a book, pretending he was not affected in the slightest by the either
Sirius or his guitar. Or his eyeliner. Or his jeans, which he had to be
using a Shrinking Charm on.
Most of the time, Remus could have sworn Sirius was
using a Shrinking Charm on his trousers as well.
Remus used to be a lot more entranced
by Sirius in this scene, laying face down on the bed to hide his
erection and shivering every time Sirius played. While certainly it's
what I'd be doing, Remus said no and pretended he didn't care at all
what Sirius did.
Eventually James discovered the practicing, and it
devolved into Sirius accompanying James’ loud rendition of “A Wizard’s
Staff has a Knob on the End”, a pub song which James had once taught
one of McGonagall's parrots to sing and subsequently been kicked out of
The image of McGonagall confronting a
roomful of parrots singing a bawdy pub song is too funny to bear.
After James seemed to accept the guitar, Sirius was
not as secretive about playing it, and besides his riffing and James’
crooning, sometimes Peter would launch into an impromptu fevered drum
solo, which usually ended up with him tumbling off his desk chair and
snapping at least one of the quills he was using.
“Do you want to learn?” Sirius asked Remus abruptly
one night when they happened to be alone in the room.
“Me?” Remus asked, startled.
“I know you like it,” Sirius coaxed. “I’ll teach you
a few chords if you want, it’s really easy.”
Remus set down his book and slid to the edge of the
bed, torn between desire and the knowledge that this was a Bad Idea.
“I don’t think I’d be any good,” he said dubiously.
“You’ll love it,” Sirius said firmly. “Come on,
Moony, get over here.”
Giving in with a sigh, Remus climbed out of his own
bed and sat down on Sirius’. Sirius slipped the guitar’s strap off his
shoulder and dropped it over Remus’ head. The smooth weight of the
guitar felt good in Remus' hands, and he gave a test strum of the
strings, smiling self-consciously at the not-quite-discordant sound it
“What do I do?” he asked.
“Well,” Sirius moved some of Remus’ fingers around,
“It’s like…damn, that’s not right…hell, I can’t do it backwards. Hold
Remus could hear his heart pounding in his ears as
Sirius shifted over to sit on his knees behind him and reached around
to put his hands over top Remus’. Remus was painfully aware of Sirius’s
Quidditch muscles pressing into his back and arms, and stifled a giggle
as he recalled a lewd comment James had made about how Sirius kept
those muscles in shape during the off-season.
"He's not called a Beater for nothing," James had
I have to admit that I don't have a
good deep feel for James like I do for Sirius and Remus, so a lot of
times he's relegated to the background of my stories and only good for
an obscene comment or two. I don't think I do his best mate friendship
with Sirius well at all, but since I tend to write Remus' POV, it's
never been a huge problem.
Also, GUH for having your crush
wrapped around you to teach you guitar.
Sirius repositioned Remus’ fingers in the right
places a little awkwardly. Remus tried subtly to take a deep breath to
steady his nerves, but even the air was suddenly tinged with
Sirius-ness, and Remus had to bite his lip to keep from making a soft
noise of pleasure. He was reluctantly relieved when Sirius leaned back
“There, try that.”
Thankful to concentrate on the guitar rather than
look Sirius in the eye, Remus brushed the strings lightly, and only
half of them sounded. He tried again with more confidence, and this
time a recognizable chord hummed forth.
Remus discovered that if the sound of the guitar
made him shiver, the feel of the guitar vibrating with the chord was
nearly unbearable. He swallowed hard, trying to keep his excitement in
the ‘acceptable’ range. It was clearly a losing battle.
Sirius, if he noticed Remus’ reaction, didn’t
respond to it. He leaned forward again to move Remus’ still-buzzing
fingers around some more. Sirius rested his chin on Remus' shoulder to
get a better look, and Remus' neck felt like it was burning where
Sirius' breath slid over it.
“Give that one a go,” Sirius murmured, not sitting
back this time.
It's unclear here whether Sirius is
tormenting Remus purposely, or is simply unaware of what he's doing and
is just trying to teach Remus chords. I think this early in the game,
he's enjoying himself but isn't thinking about it too hard.
Remus, senses completely overloaded, had no choice
but to obey.
In the cold shower that Remus’ first electric guitar
lesson necessitated, Remus was finally forced to admit that at some
point he had acquired an intense physical passion for his best
friend, which matched his already questionable emotional
attachment alarmingly well.
He had no idea whether it was the guitar or the
eyeliner or just Sirius, or the inescapable combination of all three,
but whatever it was, Remus’ response to the ‘hands-on’ teaching method
Sirius was employing had produced an even stronger reaction than usual,
one which was not taking its leave with the speed to which Remus was
“I like GIRLS,” Remus reminded his erection harshly.
It seemed to shake its head, and Remus blinked water out of his eyes.
The truth was that Remus never really HAD liked a
girl, at least not any one in particular more than the others. They
were sweet and pretty and they smelled nice and all…
…but none of them had ever ‘made the wand shoot
sparks’, as James so eloquently put it.
I love this line of James, it's so
appropriate! You know wizards really say this. "yeah, she's cute, but
she doesn't make the wand shoot sparks, if you know what I mean…"
“I'm sick of your surprise visits!” Remus grumbled
to the offending member. "Why don't you go back to where you came
from!" The problem seemed likely to go nowhere without manual
assistance. Remus was not entirely opposed.
“But this doesn’t mean I don’t like girls,” he told
his erection firmly.
Whatever it was about to retort, Remus choked off
the reply mercilessly.
I love Little Remus' 'comments'. This
originally was a lot longer, and involved Remus having a random
conversation with another boy in the shower about how "girls are like
art, you look at art, but boys are built like trucks and you RIDE
trucks!". The boy bore a striking resemblance to my friend Kenn, who
actually said that to me once. Even while I was writing the longer
version I knew it had to be cut, but I posted it on my LJ just for fun.
"You're getting pretty good," Sirius said to Remus
two weeks later. Remus blushed faintly and ducked his head, fully aware
that Sirius always watched him intently when he played. Remus had
actually picked up the chords quickly, but had feigned confusion for
several more tries so that Sirius would continue to press against him
for instruction. He finally had to stop when Peter asked him why his
fingertips were so pruney all the time.
"I'm only doing chords," Remus protested the
compliment, still strumming a few strings lightly. He was trying very
hard not to be aware that he could smell Sirius' orange-flavored lip
gloss, and was more than halfway through forgetting that orange was his
I'm not sure why I believe that Remus
likes orange, especially orange chocolate, but that's a bit of personal
Remus canon for you.
"Perfectly respectable," Sirius brushed aside his
self-deference. "Make a good bass player." Sirius hmmed thoughtfully.
"What?" Remus stopped brushing the guitar strings
and narrowed his eyes. "What are you plotting?"
"Nothing," Sirius waved him off, but a smirk played
about his citrus-scented lips.
Remus' suspicions deepened on the following day when
he found Sirius reading a book titled So
You Want to Transfigure Yourself a Rock Band.
"No," Remus told him.
"No what?" Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow. Remus
refused to be distracted by the eyeliner for once.
"What do you mean, 'no what'?" Remus demanded.
"You're reading a book called So You
Want to Transfigure Yourself a Rock Band and you have the gall
to ask me 'no what'?"
"I'm just reading it," Sirius sounded a bit sulky as
he reburied his nose in the book, but Remus noticed his lips twitching.
Remus noticed a familiar twitch on his own person as well, but lower
"Huh," Remus snorted, flopping down on Sirius' bed
beside him. "Last time you were 'just reading' I ended up with black
dog hairs covering my bed!"
"Did it make you happy?" Sirius asked, sneaking a
look over top his book.
"You know it did," Remus grumbled, trying to ignore
the way Sirius' knee was touching his side, heat radiating out from
even that simple contact. "But that's not the point…"
"Poor Moony," Sirius commiserated insincerely. "Such
awful friends you have. On an unrelated note, how would you like to be
in my rock band?"
I love Sirius. Soso much.
"I KNEW it!" Remus exclaimed, leaning up on one
elbow. Sirius stared back up into his eyes with his usual infuriatingly
hot smile, and Remus wondered for a split second what would happen if
he simply threw his body on top of Sirius' and let nature take its
As do I, because I spent 20,000 words
trying to get Remus to do JUST THAT!
"Knew what?" James asked as he came into the room
and collapsed onto his own bed. Peter trailed along after him and sat
on the edge of James' bed.
"Sirius is Transfiguring himself a rock band," Remus
informed them, rolling his eyes. He flopped back down on his back and
stared at the hangings above Sirius' bed, trying to remember how it had
felt to not constantly battle his own body.
"Instruments," Sirius corrected Remus' sarcastic
comment, sitting up and setting down the book. "I still need people to
play them. What do you say?"
"Why're you asking me?" James shrugged. "I don't
"Aha," Sirius grinned, "but you don't have to in
order to be our heartthrob lead vocalist!"
"Heartthrob, you say?" James raked a hand through
his hair. "I like the sound of that!"
"Not you too," Remus covered his face with his hands.
"And Wormtail," Sirius turned to Peter, "I've seen
you walloping the desk with your quills. How'd you like to have a go at
a real set of drums?"
"Er," Peter looked unsure.
"Peter, no," Remus tried to dissuade him, sitting
up. "Don't let them talk you into this."
"I'd love it," Peter answered. All three of them
turned to stare at Remus.
"C'mon, Moony," Sirius nudged his thigh with a knee.
"I'm short a bass player."
"No!" Remus glared at all of them. "I'm not
encouraging this ridiculousness. And I'm not any good anyways."
"Don't be so modest," Sirius encouraged. "I know you
love the guitar, I've seen you at it. And someone's got to organize
this lot with me, James is only window-dressing."
"Oi!" James protested, but neither Sirius nor Remus
looked at him. Remus was clearly wavering.
I sort of enjoy the way I treat James
in this story like most people treat Peter. I really just can't see him
being good at an instrument, or even being that great a singer really,
but one thing James Potter is, is cute which makes him the perfect boy
band lead. He would totally go for it if the chance at girls is
small voice in Remus' head wheedled, if
everyone else is doing Glam too, it won't be so distracting when Sirius
does it. Remus wondered when his inner voice had defected to
Sirius' side of this battle.
"Please, Moony?" Sirius nudged him again, more
gently this time. "This is our last year, we should do something great!
It'll be like our last hurrah."
"Oh, all right," Remus sighed, giving Sirius a small
smile. Sirius beamed and reached over to ruffle Remus' hair.
Remus pushed him away good-naturedly and ignored the way his scalp was
"Excellent!" Sirius rubbed his hands together and
picked up the book again. "Now we just need a few small items…"
"Hey, it worked!" James looked surprised.
"Now there's a ringing endorsement," Sirius snorted,
slipping his wand back into his pocket before examining the drum set
they had just made out of some 'donated' cauldrons. Remus didn't
consider the drums nearly as hard as he did the way Sirius' eyes
scrunched up when he concentrated.
The concentrating is a recurring thing
I mention. It's just really hot to be concentrated on by somebody,
especially somebody as intense as Sirius. Catching and holding his
attention is quite a feat.
"Padfoot," James gave him a playful shove, "if you
can tell me with a straight face that you expected to make serviceable
instruments out of a hairbrush, a broom, and 6 cauldrons of variant
sizes and metals, I'll bugger Snivellus."
"Sod off," Sirius laughed, pushing James back.
"How are we going to hide this from the roommates?"
Remus interrupted, irrationally jealous that James got to wrestle with
Sirius. "I mean, this is a secret, right?" Although there was no real
reason why it should be, James and Sirius usually insisted on secrecy
until they knew where a particular project was going.
I think the boys had non-Marauder
roommates. I can't imagine they're there by themselves, not when
Harry's year is supposedly small because of the war, and there's still
five of the them. I've never gone so far as to give the extra roommates
names or even a number, but I firmly believe they exist.
"Course it is," James answered immediately.
"Everything good is a secret."
"Absolutely, Prongsy." Sirius flashed a smile to
Remus, who again wondered when Sirius had learned to read minds. He
ducked his head to cover his unease and pretended to examine his bass
that had lately been a well-worn school broom.
"Stop calling me that, I've warned you," James
snapped, completely oblivious to the exchange between his friends.
"We could store them at the Shack," Peter suggested
hesitantly. "If you don't mind, Remus."
"We could practice there too," Sirius considered,
casting a sidelong glance at the werewolf. "It's up to you, Moony."
Remus looked at the rock band implements
uncertainly. Spending more time in that place than he had to usually
gave Remus the creeps, but if they were all together…
"We don't have to," Sirius interrupted his thoughts
quietly. "We can find someplace else."
"No," Remus shook his head. "It's the best place.
Sirius, James, and Peter grinned excitedly and Remus
answered with a more reserved smile. It would be fine, eventually.
"But how do we get them there?" Peter asked.
"Hmm," Sirius scratched his head. "That's a good
Clearly it is a good question, because
I have not answered it. They have tricks.
They managed to sneak their ragtag rock implements
to the Shack largely without incident, although one of Peter's drums
changed back to a cauldron unexpectedly and nearly broke Sirius' foot.
Hee, such a cute detail about the drum
that keeps changing back. I use it a few times in the story, I like
details of when magic doesn't work perfectly all the time.
Several nights a week they would slip away in the middle of the night
and bang away at their instruments. Rumors about the poltergeist in the
Shrieking Shack flew fast and thick in the village, and during their
first Hogsmead weekend James and Peter could barely get a word around
their snickers. Sirius just grinned and winked at Remus, and Remus told
himself firmly that the warmth flooding his body was from the
Butterbeer as he smiled back.
Several days later, Sirius marched into the Common
Room where the others were studying and slapped some sheets of
parchment down on the table, glaring at the other Marauders as though
daring them to make fun of him.
"What's this?" James asked, picking up the top sheet.
"It's a song," Remus answered for Sirius as he got a
good look at another sheet. For once, the personal affection overcame
the constant lust, and he smiled up at Sirius. "You wrote a song,
This is one of the few places where
the original text had Remus being just lusty, and Remus demanded a
little "Aww" moment, instead of the reverse occurring. It really is
cute though, Sirius writing rock music. I can totally imagine him
hunched over his parchment so nobody else could see, scribbling away,
tip of his tongue sticking out in concentration…
"I wrote a song," Sirius affirmed, still sounding a
bit suspicious of their reactions.
"Can we try it tonight?" Peter asked, already
tapping out a rhythm with his fingertips on the desktop.
"Of course we're trying it tonight," James said with
authority. Sirius relaxed visibly, and Remus, still looking up at him,
caught his eye without meaning to. Remus' heart skipped a beat as he
realized he'd been caught staring, but Sirius didn't look away, his
blue eyes seeming even more intense than usual, and Remus felt the lust
come crashing back, making it hard to breathe.
"Sirius?" James asked loudly, breaking the spell.
Sirius blinked and turned to James, and Remus stared down at the
parchment he was holding, hands shaking slightly. "I asked," James was
saying, "if that was all right with you?"
"If what's all right with me?" Sirius's voice was a
"If we had a go at your song tonight!" James snapped
in irritation. "I've asked you three times now, did you overload your
brain writing this or what?!"
Sirius answered by shoving James off his chair.
James grabbed at Sirius' robes on the way down and they both tumbled to
the floor, wrestling furiously.
Remus had forgotten not to stare again, and Peter
tapped his shoulder.
"You feeling all right?" he asked, and Remus shook
"I'm fine," he said quickly, cursing his inability
to like girls and not Sirius for more than a few seconds in a row.
Peter, unconvinced, watched Remus several moments longer.
This was the first time I ever wrote
Peter decently, and I struggled every step of the way because I just
had no feel for him yet. It's pretty blatant that while I treat him
like one of the group, he's sort of watching everyone and seeing things
that nobody else does. He comes off a tiny bit more creepy than I
wanted him to here, but it gets better as the story goes on.
Several minutes later, while Peter and James were
occupied fixing James' glasses, Sirius leaned over to Remus.
"I need your help with lyrics," he said in a low
voice that made the hair on the back of Remus' neck raise.
"Me?" Remus blinked. "Why?"
"Because mine are ridiculous," Sirius replied
bluntly. "And you write poetry, that's the same as lyrics."
"No!" Remus was shaken by the sudden revelation that
his other secret hobby was not-so-secret. "I don't…I…"
"Don't lie about it, I've seen you at it," Sirius
interrupted. "So will you?"
"You read my stuff!" Remus finally managed, voice
sharp as he tried frantically to remember whether he'd written anything
"Yeah, some of it," Sirius admitted, at least
looking sheepish about it. "You left that notebook you're always
scribbling in on your bed and I took a peek…are you mad?"
Remus was angry, then wasn't, and changed his mind
twice more before just asking Sirius what he'd thought about it.
"Clearly I liked it," Sirius rolled his eyes, "if
I'm asking for your help now."
"I'll help then," Remus flushed, something in his
stomach unknotting at Sirius' acceptance of the poetry. "Padfoot…thanks
for not making fun of me." And
hopefully for not seeing that ode to your ass I wrote after catching
you in the showers the other week…
Heh heh heh. Imagine Remus, all
serious, sitting down to write this. "An Ode To Sirius' Ass…" Blatant
Americanism as well, indicative of my dislike of the word 'arse'. Bad
Ellen for not Britpicking me, bad!
"It would be a poor way to get your help, even I
have enough tact for that," Sirius replied dryly, but he grinned a
little. He leaned in to whisper conspiratorially. "It is a bit poncy
Remus let out a mock-indignant howl and tackled
Sirius, glad to finally have an excuse to get his hands on Sirius, the
more violently full-contact, the better. Sirius fell backwards in
surprise and hadn't fully recovered before Remus had him pinned to the
"I win," Remus announced, breathing harder than he
should have been.
"That's not fair," Sirius whined in a low voice.
"You're a werewolf, after all!"
"Too bad for you," Remus smirked, and pushed down
harder with his wiry frame when Sirius started to struggle. Sirius'
whine had evoked some primal instinct in him, something that made him
want to crush Sirius beneath him into the carpet and force him to beg…
All at once, Remus froze, the gist of what his lower
brain was demanding finally coming the attention of his intellect. He
rolled off Sirius quickly, hoping in the scuffle he'd noticed nothing
amiss, and busied himself gathering his stuff into his schoolbag.
This scene used to be very fast and
random, like it was a PWP that just didn't make it to the smut. I had
to go back and add a lot of detail to draw it out, and a lot of the
wolf thoughts about dominating Sirius got added in later as well.
"I'm going to finish this up in the library," he
announced loudly without looking at anybody. He deliberately positioned
the bag in front of his betraying bulge. "I'll see you tonight for
Remus was the whole way out the door and down the
first staircase before Sirius caught him. Remus nearly jumped out of
his skin when the warm hand closed on his wrist.
"Hey," Sirius was breathing a bit hard from the
chase and hair had flopped into his eyes; it took all of Remus'
willpower not to reach up and smooth the hair back. "When do you want
to talk about…you know."
Deliberate vagueness. "Remus when are
we going to talk about us?" "uh, what?"
Remus, distracted by the faint embarrassed blush on
Sirius' cheeks and the way he was biting his lower lip, took a minute
to realize he was talking about the lyrics again.
"We can sneak out of dinner early," Remus finally
said. "If we both get our homework done now, that is."
"Oh, Moony," Sirius laughed lightly, making Remus'
skin prickle. "So conscientious."
Just then, footsteps rang out on the top of the
staircase they were standing beside, and with a practiced motion,
Sirius pushed Remus into the space under the staircase, pressing in
beside him tightly. Remus bit down on the moan Sirius' nearness caused,
but some of the sound escaped in a hissed breath.
"Padfoot," Remus whispered as the footsteps pounded
over their heads, "we're not doing anything secret!" Remus tried to
pull away from Sirius, aware that if he did not stop seeing and
smelling and touching Sirius in the next few seconds, lines were going
to be crossed. Bad lines, ones with capital 'L's'.
"Force of habit." Sirius tightened his grip and
moved closer. Remus pushed against him harder and encountered the last
thing he wanted to, pressing into his upper thigh so that there could
be no mistake about what it was.
I twiddled with this scene a lot, with
varying degrees of subtlety, but in the end I thought it was best just
to have there be an erection and for Remus to know it, and for Sirius
to know that Remus knows it. Just so everyone's clear.
Sirius was hard as a rock. Every single rational
thought mass-exodussed out of Remus' head and he looked up into Sirius'
too-close eyes before he could stop himself. Sirius was staring back
down at him with a surprised expression. They remained frozen that way
for several more heartbeats as the oblivious students above them
pattered down the last few steps and into the next corridor. Sirius
didn't move immediately, and Remus was unable to entirely swallow the
low warning growl in the back of his throat.
Sirius shook himself a little before slipping out of
the space they were pressed into. He hurried up the stairs without
looking at Remus again, only tossing a quick "See you at dinner" over
his shoulder as he left.
This scene used to be a lot different,
with Remus getting pushed under the stairwell, Sirius whispering
something silly in his ear and then rushing off casually while Remus
finally realized that Sirius'd been hard as well. More examples of the
long lost naivepining!Remus.
Remus remained frozen where he was for quite some
time, so hard it was painful and trying desperately to come up with
another explanation for Sirius' arousal than the Obvious Yet Really Bad
By the time he got to the library, Remus had come up
with several plausible explanations:
1. Sirius was merely reacting to the physical friction of two
consecutive wrestling matches.
2. Sirius was randomly hard. It happened.
3. Sirius wanted James.
All of those are perfectly reasonable, Remus told himself fiercely as
he snapped his second quill in a row trying to restart his essay.
Nothing is different here. There is no cause for alarm.
Remus bit down on his lip hard and tried to shake
the sound of Sirius' soft whine from his ears.
This is the vestigial traces of a
sub-plot that got scrapped, where Remus started seeing 'signs' that
Sirius was really having it off with James, and got really jealous.
This was supposed to cause angst and mayhem and finally force him to
blow his cover, but it never really did what I wanted and it got
scrapped within a couple of scenes. Many of James' moments of "I know
what's going on" were then shifted to Peter.
Remus had himself mostly under control by the time
he came to dinner, although it was hardly a sure thing when Sirius
fixed a brilliant grin on him, not looking at all perturbed by what had
happened under the stairs. Remus noticed Peter raising an eyebrow when
they slipped some food into their pockets and hurried off.
When Sirius joined him on his bed with the guitar
and the sheets of parchment from earlier, still acting as though
nothing was amiss, Remus steeled his nerves.
I can act normal just as easily.
He distracted himself by taking a good look at the lyrics Sirius had
scribbled down and suppressed a smile; they were ridiculous.
"Told you so," Sirius grumbled, reading his
They know each other so well! Side
effect of sharing a room with somebody for seven years, you get to know
their every twitch.
"It's not too bad," Remus soothed. "Why don't you
just tell me what it's about and we'll see what I can do?"
Sirius was hesitant, stumbling over his words at
first, but he eventually got his point across by half explaining and
half playing, and Remus set to work. Before James and Peter returned
from dinner, Remus had constructed a perfectly workable set of lyrics.
"We'll see what James can do with it," Remus said,
setting down his quill. "He's the one who'll be singing it, after all."
"I spent two hours coming up with that tripe and you
fixed it in half an hour," Sirius complained, but his eyes were excited
as he read over the new lines again. He looked up and Remus caught his
breath as their gazes met. "It's brilliant!" There was a slight pause,
in which Remus' nerves threatened to snap, before Sirius added softly.
Awwww, Sirius is so obvious…
James and Peter thankfully slammed in the door
before Remus had to come up with an intelligent reply.
Later that night, in the Shrieking Shack, Remus
fingered a few chords unconsciously as he watched Sirius and James
fumble out the vocal part, dark heads bobbing close together as they
leaned over Sirius' guitar. Remus sighed a little more heavily than
he'd intended to.
More of the James/Sirius evidence.
This got left in because I thought Remus could be jealous just as
easily of Sirius and James' easy physical closeness.
"Remus, are you really all right?" Peter asked from
behind his drums. "You haven't been yourself lately. And you're always
rushing off somewhere."
"I'm…" Remus had been about to answer that he was
fine again, but then stopped. Maybe it would help his recent lack of
control to talk about the problem rather than bottling it up all the
time. Peter was a good listener. Not the whole truth obviously, but…
"I'm desperately in lust with somebody, Wormtail."
"Finally!" Peter grinned. "We thought you'd never
get round to it!"
"Wish I hadn't," Remus huffed another sigh. "I feel
so stupid and out of control…it just pops up at the worst times
imaginable. Er. No pun intended."
Remus' original complaint was that his
crush liked someone else, all said while he glared pointedly at James.
And heh, it "pops up".
"That's rough," Peter agreed, nodding knowingly.
"Maybe you should just tell her how you feel."
"It would just make things worse," Remus shot
another envious glance towards James and Sirius who were now snickering
at some private joke.
"Still, you ought to do something," Peter advised
sagely. "Otherwise you'd be me, wouldn't you?"
"Want to trade?" Remus asked darkly.
"Sure," Peter laughed. "Who…"
"All right, we're ready to give it a go," Sirius
interrupted them, and Remus shrugged at Peter. That had been a close
call. Remus was glad to distract himself with the throb of his bass and
the loud mess that was their sound so far.
Lost in the feel of it, he snapped back to himself
with surprise when James said they'd been at it for two hours and ought
to quit. He was even more surprised when he listened more closely
to their last run-through and realized they were nearly a rock band.
More than once in the next week, Sirius came to
Remus with something new and they worked out a song-draft together.
After the other Seventh Years were asleep, they closed the curtains
around Remus' bed and cast a Silencing Charm before going at it, Remus
struggling to ignore the highly questionable nature of it all. James
seemed completely oblivious, but when Sirius gave Remus an exhausted
grin at breakfast the next morning, Peter glanced and forth between
them with a furrowed brow.
More Peter bits that used to be
James'. I really enjoy the questionable nature of all of this, sneaking
into each other's beds and silencing charms and "going at it"…no wonder
That afternoon Remus was slower than usual copying
down his Runes assignment, the late nights with Sirius starting to take
their toll. He was the last student in the room, and he lingered over
packing up his things, yawning slightly.
As he finally moved towards the door, he heard
Professor McGonagall's voice out in the hall.
"…band's cancelled! Cancelled! I don't know what
we're going to do, the Yule Ball's only a month away, it's far too late
to book another decent act…"
Remus cleared his throat as he stepped out of the
"Professor," he said to a startled McGonagall, "I
might be able to help you…"
Looking back, this scene feels random
to me, and I probably should've just had Remus rush into to tell the
others what he'd done rather than actually narrate it. I think
originally there was supposed to be more comment about how tired and
wrung out Remus was getting from the late-night meetings.
There was dead silence in the Seventh Years'
dormitory when Remus broke his good news.
"Well, say something!" Remus finally demanded, still
grinning like a fool because for once he'd done something that shocked
the others into silence, instead of the other way round.
"A gig?" Sirius caught his grin. "You got us a gig,
"Um, but we…" James started.
"I can't believe McGonagall said yes!" Peter
"Yes, but…" James tried again.
"After last year,
she said she'd do anything that would keep us four occupied for the
whole Ball," Remus replied, shooting a sharp glare towards Sirius.
"Oi!" James raised his voice.
"She can't prove a thing!" Sirius interrupted him
loudly. "It could've been anybody with that Inebriation Charm and they
shouldn't have left that cauldron of punch just sitting out like that…"
That's such a fic begging to be
written. Somebody get on that.
"WE'VE ONLY GOT ONE SONG!" James finally roared.
Everyone else fell silent again.
"Well, yes, that's true," Peter said, looking
hopefully at Sirius. "But I bet Padfoot's got something worked out,
"Er." Sirius looked over at Remus, and Remus
realized with a buzz of pleasure that Sirius was asking permission to
tell the others about their brainstorming sessions. Remus nodded firmly.
"Yes," he said. "Sirius does have a few somethings
up his sleeve."
"I knew it!" Peter exclaimed, looking supremely
pleased with himself. "So that's why you've been sneaking into Moony's
bed every night!"
"What?" James asked, looking startled.
"Right," Sirius agreed briskly, not noticing Remus'
embarrassed cough. "Prongs, you and Wormtail go ahead to the Shack;
Moony and I'll bring the, uh, somethings, and we'll have an emergency
Peter raised an eyebrow at Remus, who shrugged as
Sirius tugged him up the stairs to their dormitory. James stared after
them, agog, and Remus was glad he had only mentioned his situation to
Peter. He seemed to have thankfully leaped to the wrong conclusion.
All of this James and Peter stuff used
to be reversed, it just works a lot better this way. I also like
writing a Peter who's one step ahead of where everybody else is, which
is pretty blatant in "He's Not Heavy, He's My Boggart". Here, it was
almost unintentional at first, I really just wanted him in the story
"I can't believe you talked McGonagall into letting
us play!" Sirius exclaimed with glee as he was digging the parchments
out of his trunk. "And to think you didn't even want to be in the band
in the first place!"
"The irony has not escaped me," Remus commented,
sitting down on the edge of the bed for a moment. "You know what this
means though, don't you?"
"Yes, we need a name," Sirius replied briskly. "The
Marauders is the obvious choice, but I'm open to suggestions…"
"That's not what I meant," Remus headed him off. "If
we're going to play a dance, we're going to need slow songs too."
"What?" Sirius stopped rummaging around in his trunk
and craned his neck to stare at Remus.
"Slow songs," Remus repeated. "You know, love songs?
Songs that people might actually dance to? They might want to dance at
the dance, nitwit."
Sirius scowled and threw a loose sock at Remus, who
batted it away without looking away from Sirius.
"I can write slow songs too," Sirius grumbled after
a few moments, more to himself than Remus. "Just haven't tried yet, is
True to his word, Sirius set to work writing a slow
song, and within several night sessions he had produced two and a half
more fast rock songs, plus one wireless jingle for Zonko's.
That's a lot like what I felt when I
was writing this fucking story, in fact. I just wanted fluff! FLUFF,
"Still no good?" Remus asked as a very shagged-out
looking Sirius plunked himself down in a chair across from Remus at the
library. He eyed Sirius warily, the constant nearness of him lately
having wreaked havoc with his nerves, his concentration, and his
"No," Sirius replied shortly.
"You've dated half the girls at school, Padfoot,"
Remus pointed out. "Hasn't any of them inspired any deeper feeling in
"I've a deep aesthetic appreciation for the female
form," Sirius propped his head up on a hand. "It's not helping.
Besides, I haven't seen anybody yet this year, I'll have you know."
Remus did know, in fact, but had refrained from
reading deeper meaning into this knowledge and wasn't about to start
now. He tried to lighten Sirius' mood instead.
"It's just as well, I've run out of words that rhyme
with 'breasts'." Remus gave Sirius an encouraging smile and returned to
his book. After a few minutes, Remus heard frantic quill scratching and
looked up to see Sirius scribbling on a piece of parchment and bobbing
his head to a rhythm only he could hear.
Remus made to stand quietly, thinking to slip away
so he might actually get some work done instead of the preferable
pastime of watching Sirius, but Sirius jerked his head up and fixed him
with a piercing stare.
"Don't," he said quietly. "If you move, I'll lose
Perplexed but obedient, Remus sank back down into
his chair and tried to go on reading, pausing every few minutes to
savor the sight of Sirius in fierce concentration, the warm light of
the library sconces glinting in his tousled hair. Remus had not read a
page in a long time when Sirius finally threw down his quill and began
massaging his writing hand with the other.
This is such a beautiful scene, Sirius
scribbling down lyrics about Remus while Remus can't keep his eyes on
his book, both of them sneaking little glances at each other.
"Ready to work on some lyrics?" Remus asked.
"I think I'd rather give this one a go on my own,"
Sirius replied as he read through what he'd written again. "If you
don't mind, Moony."
Sirius looked up questioningly, lower lip puffy from
where he'd been chewing on it, and in that moment, Remus came within an
inch of leaping the table and snogging him until he begged for mercy.
Pleading with his body to be placated by a more acceptable form of
contact, Remus answered Sirius' question by reaching across and pushing
away Sirius' clumsy attempt to relieve his cramped hand.
Smoothing Sirius' palm out between his fingers, Remus rubbed out some
of the stiffness with practiced thumbs, hoping it wasn't obvious on his
face how much the heat and roughness of Sirius' skin was affecting him.
When Sirius could flex his fingers without wincing again, Remus
reluctantly pulled his hands away, cold after the warmth of Sirius.
"They're your songs," he reminded lightly before he
picked up his book yet again.
"Ours," Sirius corrected, hand hovering absurdly in
the air where Remus had let it go. Remus gripped his book tighter and
tried to ignore the way his hands were shaking slightly, the way he
could still feel Sirius' guitar calluses under his fingertips.
By now it should be clear to just
about everyone that Sirius is interested in Remus, and Remus is
willfully ignoring it. It's going to come for real in a minute, but I
think by now enough hints have been dropped if you haven't been
distracted by Remus' constant mention of how good Sirius
"I've got a bit of a slow song," Sirius announced at
their next practice. "I don't have the lyrics down yet, Prongs, but I
thought the rest of us might give the parts a go, get the feel of it."
He gave them the gist of the melody with his guitar,
Remus and Peter picking up on it after he'd run through it a couple
times. Sirius shouted some directions and the tweaking helped, but it
was obvious from his face that he wasn't getting what he wanted.
Just about nobody was getting what
they wanted at this point in the story, least of all me.
"Stop a moment, let me think," he finally asked.
"It'll sound different with James in," Peter
reminded. Sirius shook his head.
"No, it's something with the…like the rhythm, but
not the drums…" Sirius was clearly frustrated, and he strummed through
a verse again, biting down on his lip.
Remus allowed himself to stare with obvious
appreciation while everyone else watched Sirius. It was something about
the way Sirius concentrated, the fierce look, the way he shook his hair
out of his eyes, the tense line of his body practically curling around
the guitar, making Remus intensely jealous of the glinting instrument.
Remus' heart sped up just watching, thumping loudly in his ears, and
suddenly he knew exactly what the song needed.
Sirius was still going at his part, and Remus joined
in suddenly, playing the same chords he had been before, but with a
stronger pulse that echoed the way Sirius made his heart pound. A
heartbeat, that's what had been missing.
I love when rock songs are intense
without being fast or loud, they just have that perfect drive to them.
This is one of the scenes I had in mind right from the very beginning,
back when the damn thing was only supposed to be three or four scenes
long, Sirius trying so hard to show this gut-wrenching emotion
musically and falling short, and Remus stepping in and saying "you make
my heart go like this", only all bound up in this weird teenage dancing
around the bush.
Sirius jerked his head up and stared at Remus with
his mouth open before breaking out into a wild grin. He took the half
dozen steps over without ceasing his own playing and leaned into Remus,
letting the pulse into his own guitar. It wasn't faster exactly, or
louder, but more driven, more intense.
I'm describing this moment so badly,
and I've always hated this description, but I never came up with a
better way to do it. You'd know it instantly if you heard it.
"Exactly what I needed," Sirius murmured near Remus'
ear, and Remus pressed his body back against Sirius', too wrapped up in
the sound and feel to remember that the heat washing through him was
supposed to be a secret.
"If you two are going to do that onstage, no one's
going to even notice me," James commented sourly, snapping Remus out of
his trance. He flushed scarlet and moved away from Sirius. He felt
Sirius staring at him, but refused to look back while he willed his
body back under control.
"Let's practice something else," James rolled his
eyes. "Anything to keep you two nancies off each other."
Remus flushed, but Sirius whipped out his wand and
cast Autorixa, commonly
referred to as the Stop Hitting Yourself Hex.
Ellen had no idea what I was talking
about here. When I was little, my brothers would take my arm and make
me punch myself, all the while chanting "stop hitting yourself, stop
hitting yourself!" I thought that was pretty universal, really.
then," Sirius said as though James were not on the ground, pummeling
himself into submission, "I want to do that again."
So do I,
Remus practically ached to say, but he kept his physical distance from
Sirius this time through, completely unable to trust his body's
When Sirius was finally satisfied and they quit for
the night, Remus' nerves were still too raw to allow him into the
confined space of the secret passage anywhere near Sirius. He lagged
behind to help Peter re-enchant the one drum that had a disturbing
habit of turning back into a cauldron in the middle of a song.
I love that drum gag. The mental image
of it going in the middle of a song is priceless. "dum da da dum da da
dum da da BONG!"
"It's Sirius, isn't it?" Peter asked him suddenly.
"What's Sirius?" Remus tried valiantly to keep his
voice from cracking.
"Don't treat me like I'm simple," Peter snapped.
"It's Sirius you fancy, isn't it?"
"Keep your voice down," Remus commanded, glancing
over his shoulder to make sure James and Sirius had already left the
"There's no point in trying to hide it," Peter
obediently spoke softly. "If you hadn't said, I wouldn't have known,
but then I started watching, and you're always staring at each other."
"What do you mean?" Remus demanded, rather more
sharply than he'd intended. He softened his voice with an effort. "What
do you mean, at each other?"
I love the way Peter says this like
it's so obvious, and Remus is freaking out, because when it was just in
his own head it wasn't real, but now that Peter is seeing it too, it's
too scary to deal with really, and Remus has to stop ignoring the
"He's worse than you are," Peter made a face.
"James's been at him for weeks, haven't you noticed? We thought he had
some secret girlfriend he's been mooning over but…" Peter interrupted
himself with a small snicker, "…sorry, mooning over…"
"But…" Remus swallowed, thinking of being pressed
underneath the stairwell with Sirius. "But, Sirius likes girls. He
can't…Peter, he likes girls."
Ah, the last gasps of denial. Poor
"Don't you?" Peter asked, and Remus was caught
off-guard and answerless.
"It's never come up," he finally answered, a note of
pleading threading through the words. "Does that mean no?"
"Why're you asking me?" Peter shrugged. "I'm not a…I
mean, I'm not…damn, Remus, you know what I mean."
"So James doesn't know?" Remus changed the subject
quickly. Peter shook his head.
"He's rather daft about things that aren't
Quidditch," Peter rolled his eyes. "Girls especially."
"There's the truth," Remus laughed. "If he would
just shut his mouth for two seconds, Lily would be all over him."
Remus froze, realizing he'd just let another secret
slip, but Peter looked less than shocked.
"Moony," he laughed, shaking his head, "everybody knows that! First Years
know it! Dumbledore probably knows it!"
More ragging on James. I'm really not
very nice to him. And this was back before it was popular to have Lily
hate James, when every other fic had them being soulmates from birth.
It felt good to laugh at somebody else's expense for
a change, but Peter's words about Sirius kept him awake long into the
As the week of the Yule Ball approached, Remus very
nearly forgot about his conversation with Peter in the crush of exams,
emergency rehearsals, and a monumental case of nerves. With six days to
go, James found him in the common room shredding a piece of parchment
compulsively. He laid a hand on Remus' shoulder, and Remus shot into
the air with a muffled curse.
"All right, Moony?" he asked, looking concerned.
"Usually you're this jumpy before the full moon, not after it."
"I think I've got stage fright," Remus admitted,
forcing himself to set down the parchment. "I just keep thinking about
all those people, staring at me…all of Hogwarts! Is this what it's like
to play Quidditch?"
"Plus the threat of permanent physical injury, yes,"
James said dryly. "So you can see why I'm a bit less worked up."
Remus gave a wan smile.
"I'm just not used to doing things that are so
public," Remus sighed. "Even being a Prefect, it's nothing like this."
I really can't imagine Remus being
very happy about doing anything where he was so exposed in front of so
many people. It's possible that teenage Remus with loads of friends and
being happy at school was much more outgoing, but it never really rings
true with me.
"Far slighter chance of getting a hot date out of
it," James laughed, then looked suddenly thoughtful. "Speaking of
girls, have you noticed how strange Sirius has been acting lately? I
think he's got a girlfriend we don’t know about."
"Do you?" Remus began shredding the parchment again.
"Who is it?"
"I haven't the faintest idea and it's driving me
mad," James looked disgusted. "It's not like him to be hooked up on one
person so long either. She must be fantastic. I wonder where he's
"Maybe it's not a girl," Remus blurted out before he
could stop himself, then stopped mid-shred, horrified at what he'd just
"Course it's a girl," James waved him off. "He never
gets this weird about anything but girls, not exams or Quidditch or
Remus relaxed slightly as it became obvious that
James had completely misconstrued his comment but remained perplexed at
his own behavior. First Peter, now James, what was wrong with him?
This is where I stopped before going
back and fixing all the James bits and Remus' weepy lusting. Victoria
and I have talked multiple times about how Remus is ridiculously
uncooperative about getting it on with Sirius, or anybody else. You
can't just lead him to water and let nature take its course, you have
to point out the water and say 'water' loudly and put up huge blinking
signs that say 'WATER' and then do some Ph level testing so he's sure
it's safe to drink.
"…too bad we won't find out at the Ball," James was
"What?" Remus narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?"
"We don't need dates since we're the band," James
pointed out. "If we did we could see who Sirius was taking. Shame about
it too, now Evans won't have the pleasure of hanging on my arm all
"Oh," Remus said. He couldn't think of anything else
to add, so he just said "oh" again.
"You're acting a bit off as well, lately," James
peered at Remus closer. "You're not hiding away some girl yourself, are
"No!" Remus' laugh was a bit forced. "Definitely not
I'll say. James is acting a bit like
Ron here, he's dead-on actually, but in a sort of random accidental
"Just nerves, then," James slapped Remus on the back
as he got up. "It'll be fine, you'll see. The trick is to imagine that
everybody in the audience is in their underwear."
"Shouldn't be hard, given the number of times we've
seen Severus's," Remus commented sourly. James raised an eyebrow.
"Knew you'd be glad I did that one day," he winked.
Meanwhile, Sirius was taking out his own case of
nerves on every First Year in sight, regardless of house, hexing them
with everything from the much-loved Bat Bogey to something new which
made the victim profess his undying love to the nearest person of the
same gender. Irritation began to overshadow lust as Remus spent more
and more time convincing Lily that expelling him wouldn't help, just
make him go freelance.
Boy, that curse isn't telling at all.
Not at all. Also, Sirius
going freelance *snerk*
"It was just cruel of you to cast it while Gilderoy
was standing next to Severus!" he snapped after he'd cornered Sirius in
the common room.
"Deserved it," Sirius grunted sullenly.
"He was just walking down the corridor!" Remus
hissed, despising himself for still noticing how sexy Sirius' pouted
"S'my corridor," Sirius retorted, folding his arms
like a two-year-old. "First Years should know better than to go
blundering down it."
Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his
hand fisting compulsively with the desire to stab Sirius up the nose
with his wand. He settled for reminding Sirius curtly that if he lost
his privilege of going to the Yule Ball he would have wasted several
months of all their lives, then stormed up the stairs to study.
Additionally, I love the way Sirius
brings out Remus' mature side.
That night, Remus was staring at the ceiling, unable
to sleep, when he heard movement in the neighboring bed. This was
followed by several soft footfalls, and then the rustling of his own
"Remus?" Sirius's voice was soft and muffled. "Are
"Go away," Remus replied, not quietly and not caring
whether any of the other boys could hear. "I'm still angry with you."
He could hear Sirius fumbling with the hangings
anyway, and rolled over onto his side away from him. He felt the bed
sink under added weight and heard the hangings swing back into place. A
muttered "Lumos" lit the
inside of the hangings with soft blue light.
"I can't sleep," Sirius informed him.
"Not my problem, is it?" Remus refused to roll over
and face Sirius. "Get off my bed."
"C'mon, Moony." The note of pleading in Sirius'
voice shot heat through Remus' torso. "I've got something I want to
Remus rolled over to shout at Sirius, prepared to
kick him off the bed if necessary, but stopped short as he took in the
sight in front of him.
Sirius was sitting cross-legged on the end of his
bed, wearing only pajama pants (Damn
his infernal high metabolism, Remus snarled mentally), the wand
light picking up indigo highlights in his bed-mussed hair and glinting
off the curves of his muscles, his eyes looking wider without their
usual dark outline of eyeliner. The light also played over the glossy
surface of the guitar cradled in Sirius' lap -- not his guitar, though.
It's odd the way I bring up Sirius'
high metabolism here, when the stereotype is for Remus to be the one
who's always overheated. The truth is that I can't see Sirius ever
wearing a pajama shirt. The pants yes, hell yes, they're sexy, but the
shirts are kind of…well, they're dorky. You'll note Remus has one.
Scars, you know.
This guitar was a bass, four silver strings catching
the light prismatically as the guitar shifted with Sirius' breath, and
much darker than Sirius' bright red. It was a rich midnight blue,
Remus knew despite the peculiar lighting, because it shone exactly the
same color as Sirius' eyes in the glow of the wand.
Back before we all knew the truth
about Sirius' eye color. I still can't really get over it. I liked
having them be blue, cause then Padfoot could have the eerie pale blue
Remus pushed himself up to a sitting position
slowly, simultaneously trying to work out what Sirius was at now, and
memorizing every detail of the scene happening on the end of his bed.
The whole thing was so achingly beautiful, so unbearably seductive, and
so nonchalantly Sirius, that Remus could think of no response that
would not blow his secret wide open.
"Happy early Christmas," Sirius grinned, sliding the
bass off his lap and into Remus'. Remus gripped the hard length of it,
warm from Sirius' body, with numb hands and still could not think of a
response, still could not take his eyes off Sirius.
The hard warm length of it…that's
completely on purpose, by the way.
"Too much," Remus finally managed in a low voice,
and it was not clear whether he meant the guitar, Sirius, or the way
his desire was threatening to stop his heart.
"Sold Zonko's the jingle," Sirius shrugged, Remus
watching the artlessly graceful motion helplessly. "Half of it was
yours anyway. You needed a real bass, not a transfigured broom."
Remus forced himself to look away, down at the bass.
He even managed to work up a little flame of frustration that Sirius
always did this, bought his way out of trouble with some gift and never
This is so my Sirius. You never
apologize, never, no matter what. You buy your way out of it with stuff
or good behavior or sex, but you never ever on pain of death actually
He was right though, the real bass did feel
different somehow than the transfigured one had, more right in an
indefinable way, smoother and more alive underneath Remus' stroking
hands. Remus knew instinctively it would sound better as well, clearer
and more powerful.
I like this detail, that sure you can
Transfigure anything into anything just about, but it isn't going to be
quite as good, and the difference will be obvious to somebody who knows
what he's doing. It's like an audiophile saying "original records are
better than remastered cds".
I love Sirius' little "oh" of
realization, so much like Remus' "oh no"
of realization when they're onstage later.
Remus looked up in question at Sirius' breathy
noise, and saw Sirius staring at him intently, as if really seeing him
suddenly, a new light in his eyes that held Remus motionless with
terror. Sirius' eyes were wide and his mouth parted slightly, and
before Remus could move, he leaned across the space between them.
Remus had just enough time to think, before warm lips slid over his,
and something that had been pulled tight in his chest for weeks, for
months, snapped violently.
In order to deal with Remus'
recalcitrance, I always build in the fallback that he can say and do
whatever, but as soon as Sirius actually touches him his body takes
over and that's the end. Now, his brain will turn back on shortly and
cause more problems, but in the meantime…
He had exactly enough presence of mind to set the
bass on the floor with a clunk before taking two fistfuls of Sirius'
hair and yanking him forward, collapsing backwards with Sirius' weight
pushing him into the bed. Sirius sighed into Remus' mouth and kissed
him harder, pressing against him.
Remus growled in the back of his throat and rolled
them over as he had when they were wrestling, this time giving in
utterly to the urge to crush Sirius beneath him, Sirius' breathy whines
keeping any sort of reason from taking hold of him. He bore down
harder, wanting to be closer, wanting more.
Mmm, the wolf taking over. Note that
it's the noises of helplessness that really drive Remus over the edge.
"Fresh prey…must bite…"
Sirius' hand pushed up Remus' pajama shirt to press
into his back, arching up into the other boy. Frustrated by the way the
material separated his skin from Sirius' and constricted his movement,
Remus jerked the shirt over his head impatiently without unbuttoning
it, a perk of wearing clothes big enough to hide in. He pressed back
down, and Sirius gasped when their bare chests touched. Remus kissed
him again, fierce and desperate, the soft noise of Sirius gasping into
his mouth and the friction of Sirius' hips pressed into his own driving
him mad. He ground into Sirius mindlessly, every breath a sharp moan.
A year's worth of unrequited love plus four months
of unrequited lust equaled Remus not lasting very long. Sirius let out
a long sigh only a moment or two later and the full weight of what had
just happened began to permeate Remus' brain, even through the scent of
post-sex Sirius that he was enveloped in. Remus clung to Sirius for
several moments longer, the thought of separating his skin from Sirius'
trembling heat actually painful.
Yeah, the truth is that forcing Remus
into smut can go one of two ways. He can realize that there's no point
in struggling, or he can turn off totally before Sirius even has a
chance to talk to him. In the second case, which is pretty typical, it
makes things much harder later on because it's twice as hard to get him
into a situation with the possibility of smut. Once bitten, twice shy,
and all of that.
By the time his breathing had slowed, he'd made his
decision. He slid off Sirius and curled up on his side, facing away
"Get out of my bed," he told Sirius in a low voice.
"Remus." Remus hunched his shoulders against the
brush of Sirius' hand.
"Now." Remus voice gained an edge of steel. "We
aren't going to talk about this."
Remus heard a soft huff of irritation, then felt
Sirius slide off the mattress and take his wand with him, plunging
Remus into darkness. As his eyes adjusted, he heard Sirius flop hard
onto his own bed.
Remus lay very still, not even bothering to find his
wand and spell himself clean. His bed seemed too large and cold, and
smelled strongly of Sirius.
I enjoy this bit of self-punishment,
like he's trying to desensitize himself to Sirius.
Remus stared at the side of his hangings until dawn,
wrung out both emotionally and physically but completely unable to
sleep. He slid out of bed silently, dressed quickly, and then went to
hide in the library until classes.
Several hours later, Sirius came in search of him.
Remus knew it was him without looking up, the way the hair on the back
of his neck stood up being clue enough. Sirius stood in front of him
and cleared his throat when Remus continued pretending to read.
Their little game is so interesting,
because they both blatantly know what the other is up to as they dance
around each other.
"Moony," Sirius began, but Remus cut him off.
"Thank you for my present, Sirius," he said, still
not glancing above his book.
"Remus," Sirius tried again, more firmly, but Remus
refused to let him get a full sentence out.
"I told you we weren't going to talk about it, and I
"Be reasonable!" Sirius snapped.
"You be reasonable," Remus finally did shut the book
with a snap and gave Sirius a cold stare. "You've got a crush and you
acted on it, like you always do, and by the end of the week you'll be
over it and move on to somebody new and do the same with them, like you
always do. Be smart for a change, and get to the next down the line as
quickly as possible."
Sirius spluttered something angrily, but Remus stood
up and pushed by him. Sirius grabbed his arm, halting his escape.
"Dammit, Remus!" he snarled. Remus didn't try to
pull away, but came to a stop and gave Sirius a dispassionate stare.
"Let go of me right now," he ordered, each word
clipped sharp enough to draw blood. Sirius dropped his arm and said
nothing else as Remus left the library, but Remus could feel Sirius'
gaze burning into his back the whole way out.
Remus doesn't like when his
environment changes rapidly and without his consent. He's built up a
scenario in his head to explain the night before, and he doesn't want
to hear another word about it, not a single word. Also, just because
Sirius being a Gryffinwhore is a stereotype doesn't mean it's not true.
I like this mention of all the other crushes, and the likelihood that
this will be no different, not even a bump in the road.
Sirius was one hell of an actor, Remus had to admit,
especially when it came to acting like nothing was wrong. Remus had
witnessed this byproduct of Sirius' childhood many times, but had never
seen such a flawless performance as Sirius gave in the final days
before the Yule Ball. Remus' nerves were more raw than ever now that he
knew exactly what he was missing, but Sirius wrestled with James and
hexed First Years and teased Peter and finalized the band's set list
with Remus exactly as he would have BCE, or Before the Cataclysmic
Event as Remus came to term it mentally.
Casual mention of Sirius' poor
childhood, which I never elaborate and don't really have a good feel
for. I've never decided what it is that makes Sirius leave home. These
days I have a theory that the summer before Seventh Year is when
children of dark families get inducted into the Death Eaters, but
there's nothing really to support that.
In fact, the only difference was the conspicuous
absence of the song Sirius had been working on by himself. Peter and
James didn't notice, or didn't comment at any rate; they had more than
enough songs if they combined the original stuff with some covers of
Top 40 singles. Remus wondered about the song, but had a suspicion that
it had to do with him and Sirius and what had happened between them, so
he refrained from asking questions.
They exchanged presents early, in the Common Room on
the morning of the Ball, and Sirius rolled his eyes before unwrapping
There was a problem with the timeline
of the Yule Ball and Christmas, so I solved it by having them do
presents early. I actually dislike this scene now, and if I was still
rewriting it would probably go and move right to the part about the
"Book again," he sighed as Remus handed him the
square package. "It's always a bloody book with you, isn't it?"
In my early fandom days I was behind
the stereotype that Remus was the bookish one. Since then I've
developed a pet theory that it's actually Sirius who read books like
they were going out of style, and Remus has to study out of books so
much that he actually dislikes reading them when he doesn't have to.
Remus said nothing, even though Sirius' traditional
comment was a bit more sharp this year than usual. He patiently waited
until Sirius figured out what his present actually was.
The cover of the leather-bound book said
nothing, and Sirius furrowed his brow as he opened it, then his
eyebrows shot up.
It was a book of blank music sheets, dozens of them,
more than Sirius could fill for a long time, even if he wrote songs
every day for the next couple years. At the top of each page was
printed "From the Paws of Mr. Padfoot".
This is so dippy. Why do I even have
this in here?
"It's spelled so you'll never run out," Remus
explained quietly as Sirius flipped through the pages. "Happy
Sirius looked up and stared at him intently, and
Remus stared right back knowing exactly what Sirius was searching his
face for and refusing to give it.
It's better this
way, Remus thought hard, as though he could send the message
mentally, or maybe just talk himself into believing it. It was hard to
believe it when Sirius stared at him like that, like he could see right
through Remus' act.
"Oi!" James said suddenly through a mouthful of the
chocolate frogs Remus had given him. "Wha ur ee onna ear oon eye?"
"What?" Sirius flicked his gaze over to James in
irritation. "Swallow, git."
"Stop interrupting me, bitch, I'm
trying to score."
"I ed," James gulped hugely, "what are we going to
"What do you mean?" Peter asked, perplexed. "We've
always worn dress robes before, haven't we?"
"We can't wear dress robes!" James looked horrified.
"We're the BAND for Merlin's sake! How'm I supposed to be a heartthrob
lead vocalist in a dress robe?!"
"Lads, lads, relax," Sirius said easily. "I've got
it totally covered. It just so happens that my dear cousin Andromeda
has sent me the necessaries. Package arrived yesterday."
"Oh really?" Remus raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure I
can't wait to see what sort of ridiculous get-up you've got planned for
us now. Go on then, show us. It's likely to be more entertaining than
when we play tonight."
"You're going to eat those words," Sirius told him
archly. They traded heated glares before he stood up and stalked
towards their dorm, Remus watching him swagger away with a barely
audible snarl, half of irritation and half of sexual frustration.
Even James has to know what's going on
by now. I should've put in some snide comment here about he thinks they
ought to just get over it.
When Sirius reappeared several minutes later, Remus
cursed the way Sirius was always right. Or at least, he would have been
right if Remus' throat would have unconstricted enough for him to
swallow anything, words or…whatever else.
Sirius had apparently decided that Muggle rock music
required a Muggle approach to costuming as well. The skintight jeans
were back, the acid-washed denim squeezing his ass in a way that made
Remus' palms itch to do the same. The T-shirt was similarly tight, but
made of a silvery sort of material, stretched taut across his shoulders
and riding up over his navel as he moved, revealing a line of pale
flesh. Remus, unable to tear his eyes away, squeezed them shut, but
they flew open again when an image of him licking the skin right above
Sirius' jeans played across the back of his eyelids.
This is a big nod to Fairy Boys, and
Sirius' outfits, and how his shirt rides up after his little victory
dance when the Curt Wild album arrives. FB Remus thinks something very
similar about the lickability of Sirius.
Sirius strutted across the room to the catcalls and
cheers of James and Peter, and he tossed floppy packages wrapped in
brown paper to each of them, presumably containing similar clothes. He
stopped in front of Remus and leaned close to drop his package onto
"What do you think?" he murmured huskily, his face
within six inches of Remus'. Remus glared at him, knowing his face, his
whole body, was betraying him with the answer already. He opened his
mouth to snarl, but it was then that he noticed it.
A collar. Sirius was wearing a collar.
Even I admit that this is very
unnecessary to dwell on in the story, but collars! So hot! This was the
beginning of my love affair with Sirius in a collar.
The swing of Sirius' hair half-concealed it and the
rest of the outfit was too distracting for Remus to have noticed it
before, but now that it was right in front of him, Remus had no idea
how he could have missed it, how he would ever be able to get the image
out of his mind of black leather fitting snug against Sirius' throat.
Remus could practically taste the pulse throbbing underneath it.
"See something you like?" Sirius whispered, his
mouth twitching in a half-smile.
Remus clawed his way back to composure, positive the
effort to rebuild his neutral expression was visible to Sirius. When he
was sure he was under control, Remus met Sirius' gaze and stared back
at him impassively.
The game face is very important to
Remus, and he hates how easily Sirius breaks it down, or worse, sees
right through it.
I'm not giving in
to you, Remus thought, letting that be the only thing his face
showed. A flash of irritation crossed Sirius' eyes, but he smirked as
he pulled away. Remus clung to his outward indifference with grim
Sirius changed back into his robes and they snuck
off to the Shack for one last rehearsal. With only a few hours to go
until they had to report to the Great Hall for set-up, the Marauders
rustled up an early dinner from the kitchen elves, then returned to
their dorm to get ready before any of the other Seventh Years returned
You can clearly tell here that I'm
compressing the timeline, and you might think that I just had nothing
important to say about these few days, but really I was SO SICK of
writing this story by now that I just wanted it to be over as soon as
Remus had slipped off the showers, hoping to rid
himself of some of the sexual tension that was battling the stage
fright for control of his body. He changed into his Muggle clothes
there so that he could get a good look at himself without the others
It was every bit as bad as he had feared. His jeans,
a much darker blue than Sirius', fit him like a second skin, and the
dark green T-shirt clung to his wiry frame. The look had fit Sirius
perfectly, who would show off his admittedly pleasing body under any
pretext, but was absolutely mind-blowing on Remus, if for no other
reason than because the change was so startling. Remus had spent seven
years cultivating a wardrobe which let him hide his body in shapeless
obscurity; under the thin fabric hugging his torso, the nearly
supernatural ripple of muscle under skin was breathtakingly obvious.
Mmm, supernatural ripple. I love that
I'm a sex god,
Remus thought gloomily as he scrutinized himself in the mirror. If Sirius only had two hormones to rub
together I'd be in trouble. I'm going to have to beat him off with a
"No pun intended," he snarled out loud.
This has to be my favorite moment in
the whole story. Remus just staring at himself and being so angry that
he's sexy. Him grumbling about being a sex god just breaks me up
because it's so IC for my Remus. And the thing that bothers him the
most isn't that Hogwarts is going to see him, isn't that this whole
glam thing is shallow and oversexed, it's that Sirius is going to be
looking right at him and he'll have nothing to hide behind.
He threw his robes back on before returning to the
dorm, hoping to put off showing the others for as long as possible. He
found James and Sirius reviewing their own results with glee and
charming James' shirt a more Gryffindor-esque red than it had started
"So now I'm in it," Peter, who had never had an
ideal body, looked ridiculously uncomfortable, despite the fact that
his belated growth spurt made the tight clothes reasonably attractive.
He tugged the hem of his T-shirt down futilely. "I'm just not sure I'll
be able to get out of it."
A lot of people would've made some
comment here about how Peter couldn't really pull off the look, but I
wouldn't do it. He's a Marauder, dammit, so he gets to look just as
good as everybody else.
"That's what girls are for!" James replied, turning
suddenly towards him right as Sirius said "Rubra!". The charm missed James
completely and struck Remus' desk, turning his Arithmancy essay the
"Watch it, can't you!" Remus snapped, pulling out
his wand and casting the countercharm.
"Sorry!" Sirius chirped, not sounding sorry at all.
Remus felt Sirius eyes follow him over James' shoulder as Remus went
over to his bed and sat down.
"Where's your stuff?" Peter asked suspiciously, the
implication clear that if he had to do it, so did everyone else.
"Got it on," Remus grunted.
"Aha!" Sirius turned, James' shirt forgotten. "Let's
see it then."
"No," Remus replied shortly. "It's cold in here.
Finish James' shirt."
"I said let's see it." Sirius crossed his arms and
set his jaw. "Don't make me turn you upside down, Moony."
Heh, that's the second reminder of
Snivellus and his underwear that we've had. Clearly a moment that looms
large in the imagination of every Marauder.
"Shove off," Remus scowled.
"Will you leave him alone and do my shirt already?!"
James demanded irritably. Sirius refused to budge. "Oh for the
love…Remus, take off the damn robes!"
Remus stood up, glaring blackly at the floor, and
reached up to undo the clasp of his robes. The heavy fabric slithered
down his body to the floor, rasping in the expectant silence.
"Holy fuck," Peter was the first to speak after a
"Merlin's left nut!" James swore.
I heart James.
Sirius made an odd sort of squeak. Werewolf instinct
raised Remus' head before he could stop it. One look at Sirius'
open-mouthed stare and Remus' ever-present erection decided to join the
party, and this time there were no robes and no Hogwarts, a History to hide behind.
On the up side, the damn jeans were so tight that
the only pronounced outward effect was a faint blush across Remus'
"Bastard," James grumbled, completely oblivious as
always. "I'M supposed to be the heartthrob!"
I HEART JAMES.
Sirius shook himself slightly, but instead of the
lust Remus expected to see on his face, Sirius' expression settled into
one of anger.
"Stop whinging!" he snapped at James. "Do you want
your shirt done or not?"
"I've been waiting for you!" James replied
indignantly. Remus sank back down onto his bed, too strung out to break
up their bickering for once. Instead he turned to Peter and they
exchanged a nervous smile.
"All right," Sirius said shortly, turning away from
James' finally-charmed shirt. "All that's left is the make-up, then."
"The what?!" James exclaimed. "I feel like enough of
a nancy as it is, there's no way you're putting anything else on me!"
"It's GLAM, Prongs," Sirius snarled through gritted
teeth. "Do you want to look it or don't you?"
They argued some more, but Sirius won in the end,
and ten minutes later, Sirius was putting the finishing touches on a
disgruntled James. Remus watched from his bed.
"Stop scowling," Sirius ordered. "Unscrunch your
"Takes too long," James complained, fidgeting.
"Don't be a child." Sirius finished with the eye
pencil. "There, you're finished."
"Well?" James asked, opening his eyes and glaring at
them. "How is it?"
"It's hot," Peter assured him. "Do me next."
After doing the same to Peter, Sirius pulled a lip
gloss out of his pocket and tossed it to them before striding over to
"You're next," he scowled.
"What's wrong with you?" Remus asked, more out of
academic curiosity than personal concern. Sirius sat down heavily.
"Nothing," Sirius spat the word. "Close your eyes."
I like this response a lot, mostly
because it's unexpected. All of the reactions Sirius could've had to
secretlysexy!Remus, anger is not the first thing that comes to mind,
although he does have a good reason. Or what passes for a good reason
in Sirius' mind at any rate.
Remus closed his eyes obediently and felt Sirius
outline his eyelids with short angry strokes. Fearing for his eyes,
Remus reached up and seized Sirius' wrist.
"Either tell me what you're on about," Remus warned
without opening his eyes, "or let someone else do it. You're going to
poke my eye out."
"You're the one who said we weren't going to talk
about it," Sirius growled in a low voice. He shook off Remus' hand, but
the pencil was far more gentle when it again touched Remus' face.
Sirius worked in silence, then Remus felt his touch
disappear. He kept his eyes closed until Sirius had slid off the bed
and returned to where the others were.
"Remus, get over here."
Remus opened his eyes to see the other three
Marauders staring at him, Sirius holding a small jar. He stood up and
joined them, eyeing Sirius warily.
"It's not Glam if there isn't glitter," Sirius
informed them, and Remus realized that was what the jar contained, very
fine silver glitter.
I finally get to glitter Remus! This
is what I've been trying to do the ENTIRE story!
Sirius poured himself a liberal handful and turned
to James, ordering him to close his eyes again, then blowing the
glitter over him in a steady stream. The shimmering dust swirled in the
air before settling on James, spiraling in patterns that caught Remus'
eye and made him think of the snowflakes he liked to watch outside the
tall window beside his bed.
Sirius repeated the process for Peter and then
Remus. Remus allowed himself a small smile as Sirius' breath washed
over him, noticing the return of the orange lip gloss.
"Let me," Remus said when it was over, reaching over
to take the jar from Sirius. He tipped some of the stuff into his own
palm and tilted it to catch the light before blowing his own steady
stream of silver over Sirius.
"Messy," James wrinkled his nose as he scuffed at
the now-glittery floor. "Could've done it just as easily with magic."
So typical James. Missing all the
beauty to complain about the minor inconvenience. Such a spoiled
wizarding family brat.
Sirius shook himself a little, and Remus watched
with fascination how a small cloud of silver rose from his hair, how
every line of his body was outlined in silver with every motion, every
breath. He realized that it was magic really, just not the kind you did
I am so far gone,
he thought with a soft sigh.
I didn't like the sappiness of the
line about not-wand magic, but I didn't want to take out this perfect
moment where everything was silvery and beautiful. I compromised by
having Remus comment on the crapness of the thought, while being unable
to stop thinking it.
"AH!" James exclaimed suddenly, making Remus jump.
"We're supposed to be in the Hall in ten minutes!"
"Let's go then!" Sirius grinned maniacally. "We've
got a show to put on, lads!"
The last hour before the dance started passed in a
blur of set-up and sound checks and dire warnings from McGonagall about
what they were not to play ("If I hear so much as the opening bar of
that 'Wizard's Staff' song…").
We all know where this is from. It's a
nod to Ellen really, because while I have read a few Prachett books,
they don't rock my world have as much as people think they should.
Also, I can completely imagine James doing it.
People were peeking in through the double doors far
too early for Remus' taste. He clutched the soothing weight of his
guitar tighter, more nervous than he could ever remember being in his
entire life. Which was ridiculous, given that he was a werewolf hiding
in plain sight with three unregistered Animagi as best friends.
he thought while tuning the bass, how
many students get to play the Yule Ball? In front of all their friends,
and professors…and everybody they know…
Remus swallowed hard and tried to remember everybody
in their underwear. He grimaced as his gaze swept over Professor
McGonagall and turned his gaze back to the stage. Sirius in his
underwear was a much more pleasing thought.
Does anyone else have the sneaking
suspicion that McGonagall's underwear is plaid?
Of course, there was no way Sirius was wearing
underwear underneath those jeans.
Remus ducked his head to hide his grin as a hot wash
of lust overcame the stage fright quite effectively. He decided to save
that technique for later use.
Years later, his first students never did find out
why their teacher spent the whole class trying to smother an
I'm not sure I should've left this
comment in, it really interrupts the flow of everything, but it makes
me giggle, the idea of grown-up Remus standing in front of students and
blushing because the only way he can kill his nerves is to picture
"Ready to go?" James asked, looking back over his
shoulder from the front of the stage where he and Sirius were standing.
Peter gave him the thumbs-up, and Remus bared his teeth more than he
"Ready," he lied. Sirius glanced over his shoulder
at Remus and played a chord as though he was testing his sound. Remus
recognized it as the very first chord he had ever heard Sirius play, an
echo of that first shiver running through him. He grinned back at
Sirius, the first real smile he'd given him in days.
"Ready," he repeated, and this time it wasn't a lie.
Sirius winked at him before turning back to face the crowd.
I like this hint that Sirius knows
exactly what's going on with Remus, and is really just waiting for
Remus to admit it.
"Hello, Hogwarts!" James said into the microphone.
"Are you ready to rock?"
The purebloods looked perplexed, but several of the
Muggle-borns laughed and shouted "Yeah!".
"I said, are you ready to ROCK?" James tried again,
and this time the response was more unified.
"Not exactly a ringing endorsement, Mr. Padfoot,"
James said to Sirius leaning away from the microphone.
"Better show them then," Sirius grinned. "And now
for the traditional count: a-one…a-two…a-one two three four!"
Once the first chords washed through Remus, loud and
pure, his nerves died down to a dull buzz and he threw himself into the
song. Sirius faded back slightly after starting them off, letting James
take center stage, and Remus glanced at him from time to time,
memorizing his scowl of fierce concentration and the way his body
curled around his guitar perfectly, as if neither he nor it had been
made for anything else.
I've had several debates with people
about what the Marauders sound like, and the best thing I've come up
with is the band Taking Back Sunday. They have two lead singers, one
guy with a much rougher voice than the other, and their song "No I in
Team" is pretty much it, plus should be the Marauder theme song.
Remus started when the song finished and the people
on the floor applauded enthusiastically. He'd practically forgotten
there even was a crowd, forgotten the whole band idea was for anybody
but them. He barely had time to remember before Sirius was driving them
into the next song, and Remus, the adrenaline finally starting to take
hold, followed him willingly.
The best way to distract Remus is
always to prey on his weakness for physical sensation. Did I mention
what electric guitars do to me?
"Whew!" James swallowed when they were nearing the
half-set mark. "I need a break, boys. What do you say we call the
half-set a couple numbers early, hmm?"
"You go on," Sirius shrugged a shoulder. "We've got
one we can do without you."
"We do?" Remus looked up, narrowing his eyes.
"That one we were working on before," Sirius raised
an eyebrow, and giving and inflection to 'before' which only Remus
understood. "Didn't I tell you? I've finished it."
Remus glanced at Peter, who shrugged.
"I'm up for it if you are," he said. Remus looked
back to Sirius and nodded.
Remus stepped forward as James hopped off the stage,
rubbing his throat.
"Sure you want to do this?" Remus asked, keeping his
"You know what I want," Sirius retorted. Before
Remus could respond, he was already playing, and Remus was right there
with him, his fingers moving over the strings in a rhythm he could have
played in his sleep.
So I wrote the song. You couldn't do
the story without the song after all the buildup, so I wrote it, and
then I sang it and made it an mp3 so people would know what the hell I
was talking about. I find this all really embarrassing. And
frustrating, because it's so cool in my head and not so much on paper
(er, screen). But here we go anyway.
"Bet no one can
cut you like me, and I'll twist the knife so deep…"
Sirius' voice was not as smooth as James, but it had
a depth James lacked, a tone made out of power rather than finesse.
Remus recognized pieces of Padfoot's growl in it, its gravelly throb
what Remus had been echoing from the beginning. He rose to the
challenge, his bass thrumming with an intensity he'd never had during a
"Take shelter till
it all blows over, go back to being one more shoulder…"
Remus had known the song was going to be about him,
there was really no other plausible reason why Sirius would have wanted
to work on it alone. He hadn't expected it to be this good. He hadn't
expected to press against Sirius' back like he had at that very first
practice just so he could keep from watching the glittery seduction
that was Sirius and his eyeliner and his guitar and his jeans, all
humming with a song that was only for him.
I yammer on here too much, I think you
probably have the idea by now, but this is the moment that was supposed
to be the climax of the whole fic, back when it should've been a few
pages. The whole goal was to get Sirius in glitter and eyeliner and
then have him write a song to let Remus in on his feelings. And yet, it
just keeps going.
never seen the full moon…"
Somehow, Sirius managed to take lyrics that should
have been accusatory and make them simply true, to sum up the entire
unbearable situation in three verses and a chorus, but Remus still
didn't grasp the full message right away. It wasn't until the first
'full moon' lyrics that the terrifying reality struck Remus like a
Sirius was in love with him. He didn't just want
Remus, wasn't just having a crush, wasn't just looking for some willing
body to expel hormones with. He was as in love with Remus as Remus was
with him, possibly more.
This is the breakdown of Remus'
carefully constructed scenario, and the realization that Sirius is,
well, serious is just about his worst nightmare. It would have been bad
enough if Sirius was just playing his usual crush game with Remus, but
to ask Remus for real emotional investment is the scariest thing of
It was too much. Remus promptly stopped thinking and
let himself slip under the spell of the song, glad to simply feel it
washing through him. It was almost a physical jolt when the last chord
died away and he snapped back to reality. He set down his bass,
listening vaguely to Sirius' announcement that they were taking a
break, and wandered off the stage and out onto the balcony to get some
He dusted the snow off the railing and leaned on it,
telling himself that he didn't care if the cold marble was freezing his
bare forearms. He watched with detached amusement as several professors
flushed students out of the bushes below like game at a pigeon shoot.
He didn't turn his head when he heard Sirius follow
him out, cursing the cold in a low voice, and didn't look when Sirius
leaned on the rail beside him, close enough to feel the heat radiating
"How long?" Remus asked.
"It's colder than a Muggle's tit out here!" Sirius
huffed. "How long what?"
This line was the single most
commented on line in the story. It still makes me snicker.
"Don't be difficult, Sirius," Remus replied sharply,
finally turning a piercing gaze Sirius' way. "How long?"
"Third year," Sirius answered, lowering his eyes.
"You said you wouldn't speak to me for a week if James and I didn't
leave Regulus alone. We didn't…and then you didn't."
"You fell in love with me because I stopped speaking
to you for a week in Third Year?" Remus asked incredulously.
"You don't make idle threats," Sirius clarified
wryly. "That's a big turn on in my family."
This little throwaway backstory took
on a life of its own, getting mentioned in another couple fics until
Ramen demanded that I actually write it, and it finally appeared during
the 24 hour ficathon.
"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard,"
Remus spat, looking back down at the bushes below. The third one from
the left seemed very popular.
"How long for you?" Sirius asked. Remus remained
silent until Sirius poked him with a shoulder. "I told you, it's only
"Who says I'm in love with you?" Remus asked in a
"Don't be difficult, Remus," Sirius mimicked his
voice meanly, but Remus still refused to answer. The silence stretched
out several heartbeats longer.
"Wouldn't matter if I was," Remus finally said.
"Course it matters…" Sirius started.
"Doesn't," Remus cut him off, shrugging. "What are
you going to do next year?"
"I…" Sirius blinked, caught off-guard by the random
question. "I dunno, take the test to be an Auror, I suppose."
"So will James," Remus nodded. "Peter'll work for
the Ministry like his father, of course. Do you know where I'll be next
I'm not immune to the Peter
stereotypes. While James and Sirius run off to be Aurors, I still have
him doing some office job, but at least I give it a little credibility
by making him follow in his father's footsteps.
"I've no idea," Sirius said brusquely. "What does
any of this have…"
"I'll be registering myself as a Dark Creature,
that's where I'll be," Remus interrupted. "You'll all start careers and
families and lives, and all I'll have is you. All I've ever had is you
three, and that's all I'm ever going to have. That's why I can't be in
love with you, Sirius."
"Did you miss the part where I said I loved you?"
Sirius demanded. "It's not exactly a risky proposition!"
"Keep your voice down," Remus warned. "It isn't that
"If I'm in love with you," Sirius was clearly losing
patience fast, "and you…feel whatever it is that you feel for me,
where's the problem?!"
"What happens when you get tired of it, Sirius?"
Remus asked, finally looking up. "What happens when we figure out it
isn't forever? What happens when James and Peter find out?"
"Why should they care?" Sirius retorted.
"I think they'll care when you switch sexual
orientations," Remus said softly. "If you haven't noticed, our good
friend James is not the most tolerant person at Hogwarts. I've no idea
what Peter would do."
It's my personal canon that James is
pretty homophobic, especially when it comes to people close to him.
It's okay for some random Hufflepuff to do what he wants behind his
bedcurtains, but Sirius liking boys would be Just Not On, and Remus
takes that much more seriously than Sirius ever does. It's one of the
things that I think comes between them all later on, and the reason
Remus pushes for secrecy for a long long time.
"James would learn to live with it," Sirius insisted
staunchly. "And Peter will do whatever we tell him. It's not even like
they have to know yet, you're just too scared to give it a go."
"That's the first sensible thing you've said yet,"
Remus agreed. "Drop it, Padfoot, please. I can't do this with you."
There was a short silence.
"Could we at least shag casually?" Sirius whined.
"In a very exclusive manner?"
I heart Sirius.
"Stop it," Remus ordered.
Sirius growled, the soft sound raising goosebumps on
Remus' arms, but didn't argue. He occupied himself by scraping some
snow off the railing and making snowballs to pelt the hapless snoggers
below. Finally he stopped and stared at Remus, then tugged him away
from the railing sharply.
"You're going to make yourself sick," he snarled,
taking hold of Remus freezing arms with his equally cold hands.
"You're the one burying your bare hands in snow,"
Remus pointed out, trying to make himself step away from the too-close
heat that was Sirius. "No," he said when Sirius bent his head closer,
but Sirius ignored him and brushed cold lips against Remus'.
As usual, the tiniest physical contact from Sirius
unraveled every bit of Remus' hard-won self-control. He made a soft
noise and pressed closer, the slow and deliberate smoothing of Sirius'
mouth on his making him ache.
Sirius was the first to pull away, and Remus stared
up at him, dazed.
"Listen to me, Moony," Sirius' voice was low and
breathy, and started a dull heat burning in the pit of Remus' stomach,
"I'm not giving up. I've waited damn near five years for you, I can
wait as long as it takes. Sooner or later you'll get tired of saying
This speech is a bit too mature for
Sirius, and I don't really like it now. I liked it better when Sirius
was saying "you're stupid. I want you and you want me and we're
shagging and that's the end of it." What I do enjoy is the fact that
Sirius blatantly can see right through Remus' act, and in the next bit
where he flatout says "I can have you anytime I want".
"No," Remus started to come back to his senses and
tried to step back, but Sirius tightened his grip.
"I could make you, you know it," he said fiercely.
"I should, there's a war about to start. We could all be dead by next
year and you want to whine about forever? I could take you right here
in the snow and you wouldn't stop me." Remus made a soft noise and
closed his eyes, shaking his head almost imperceptibly. "I'm not going
to, but I could. You always have to make everything so hard."
"We should go back in," Remus whispered. "Please,
Padfoot, I just don't want anything to change."
"Nothing has changed," Sirius replied. "If you'd use
that brain of yours, you'd realize it's always been like this. I'll
wait as long as you need, Moony, but I'm not going away."
He reached up with a still-wet hand to brush Remus' hair away from his
forehead and kissed it before letting go, turning to go back inside.
Remus was suddenly freezing, except for the places on his arms where
Sirius' had been holding onto him.
What's the thing
James says? Remus thought to himself as he watched the muscles
of Sirius' back and ass slide underneath his clothes. 'I hate to see her leave, but I do love to
watch her go…'
That's actually a line from a fic
called "Dancing Queen" where Dudley makes Harry take him to a gay bar
and Harry gets a thing for Draco in the course of the evening.
Shaking his head as if to clear it, Remus followed
after a moment.
Back onstage, Sirius tapped Remus with his wand as
he slipped by, murmuring a Warming Charm. Remus smiled his thanks as
his teeth stopped chattering.
"Always with your wand at the ready, hmm, Padfoot?"
James asked archly, voice mostly recovered but still with an edge of
roughness. "And speaking of, just where were you all that time anyhow?
Off with that girl of yours, weren't you?"
"What girl?" Sirius raised an eyebrow. "What are you
on about, toerag?"
Toerag is one of my favorite UK
insults, even if it is a bit dated. Pete Wisdom used to say it in X-men
"James thinks you've been chasing after some phantom
girl all term," Remus informed Sirius solemnly, but couldn't keep the
amusement out of his eyes.
"Ahh, I see," Sirius gave him a quick wink.
"So did you get her or what?" James interrupted
"Time will tell, Prongsy," Sirius shrugged, turning
away from Remus. "Don't we have the rest of a gig to play here? Get up
front and look vapidly alluring, that's what I hired you for."
James made an obscene hand gesture, the one which
the Marauders had nicknamed 'Miss Lily's Salute', and stalked to the
My ex-boyfriend's family used to call
the Finger "grandma's salute" because Dave's grandmother was a bit of a
Remus shared a laugh with Sirius and Peter, feeling
better than he had in weeks, as if finally some of the pressure was
off. He and Sirius had had The Talk and the world had not ended,
leaving Remus to actually enjoy being in a rock band for all it was
worth. The rest of it could wait, he decided.
For now it was enough that he had a loud guitar, a
fast song, three best friends, and the best view in the house.
"Merlin charm the man who invented Glam," Remus
murmured. And Sirius' jeans,
he added mentally.
The set flew by even faster than the last, and Remus
was taking a short breather off to the side when someone leaned onto
the stage and tugged his jean leg. He looked down to see a delegation
of Ravenclaw girls whispering and giggling.
I'm a Ravenclaw. Hee.
"Er, can I help you?" Remus asked, puzzled.
"We'd like to request a song," one girl stepped
forward to announce.
"All right," Remus shrugged. "I can't guarantee
we'll know it, but we'll try."
"No, we want one of yours," the girl shook her head.
"The one you played right before your last break. The one about the
"Oh." Remus blinked. "Guess we can manage that. I'll
tell the others, then." The girls moved away, nudging each other and
giggling some more as they peered over their shoulder at Remus. He
waited until James and Sirius finished the song they were currently
doing before coming up behind Sirius.
"What's up?" Sirius asked when Remus tapped him on
the shoulder. He was scowling slightly. "Noticed your entourage."
More random Sirius anger. Explanation
"We've had a request," Remus informed him
sheepishly. "They want to hear your song. The one you wrote on your
"Your song, you mean," Sirius replied pointedly.
"Right, that one," Remus lowered his eyes. "You up
for it? James sounds like he could use a break again."
"Could he ever," Sirius snorted. "He's starting to
sound more and more like Moaning Myrtle. Gurgling included. Plus, when
we were doing the Beatles song he got bored of singing 'Love is all you
need' and started singing 'love me on your knees'."
Every time I read this line, I
immediately get that song stuck in my head. Many of you have reported
the same phenomenon.
"Ri-ight," Remus rolled his eyes. "Let's get him off
the stage before McGonagall catches on."
"Not much chance of that if Peter put the
you-know-what in the you-know-which like he was supposed to," Sirius
said loudly, giving Peter the Eye.
"I told you I wouldn't!" Peter shot back. "Being
kicked out of a Yule Ball is a once in a lifetime affair for me, thanks
"Best be kicking Croaking Beauty off the mike then,"
Sirius said hurriedly. "Oh Prongsy!"
They convinced James that if he took a break now, he
might have enough voice left to do whatever he wanted for the last
song. Sirius tugged Remus up towards the front microphone with him, and
as they were getting ready to start, leaned his head close to Remus'
"You never told me what you thought about the song,"
"Should be obvious if you know me so well," Remus
replied archly, refusing to be baited.
"Show me then," Sirius grinned, puffing an extra
breath into Remus' ear to make him shiver before turning back to his
guitar. He set off again without warning, and Remus finally understood
that he wasn't challenging him by constantly starting the song so
quickly, but racing him, just like Padfoot raced Moony underneath the
real full moon.
Remus threw back his head and laughed, the back of
his head bumping against Sirius' shoulder, their sides pressing
together like pack. Sirius, ridiculous hopeless fartoosexy Sirius, had
managed to wrap up everything good about being the wolf and hand it to
Remus, to shout it in front of dozens of people and still keep the
secret perfectly. Sirius might be an insensitive bastard, but he always
did managed to find the perfect gift.
But really, the point still is that
Sirius is buying his way out of trouble rather than apologizing. I've
been drawn some really gorgeous fanart by Olukemi and Blackrogue for
It ended all too soon again, and James, who'd been
glaring at them from the side of the stage, strode forward to shove
them away from his microphone.
"Right then," he rasped, voice clearly just about
done for the night. "Time for the big finale. I've got just enough
voice left for one fantastic song, and I know exactly what it should
"Oh no," Peter groaned, knowing exactly what was
"Oh yes!" Sirius agreed with a wicked grin.
"James, no," Remus shook his head. "You swore you
wouldn't, McGonagall made us promise!"
Ignoring Remus utterly, James swung round to the
microphone and caressed an affectionate hand down it. He smiled
benignly down at the audience as if about to start the most soulful of
Since James is
about to sing about his one true love, it's very appropriate,
Remus thought caustically, knowing there was nothing he could do to
stop James and Sirius, as usual.
"Ooooooooooh," James drew out the first syllable for
as long as possible, eyes roaming the crowd until his gaze locked with
McGonagall. Remus saw her eyes narrow even across the room and realized
with a sinking feeling that she must already know what was coming.
You totally know what's coming.
"A wizard's staff has a KNOB on the END, a KNOB on
the END, a KNOB on the END!"
Knowing from experience that if he was going to take
the flack for it, and he always did, he might as well have the fun,
Remus joined in just as enthusiastically as the other three. He didn't
even pause when McGonagall began to stride towards them, plowing
through the mob of students like a tank.
Remus thought it was possible he might die laughing
when Dumbledore, dancing enthusiastically amidst the students, grabbed
her by the arm and twirled her along with him.
"I LOVE this song, don't you?!" Remus lip-read him
Ah Dumbledore. Always good for a cheap
laugh and a bad acid trip.
He exchanged knowing looks with Sirius when James'
voice finally blew during the fifth or sixth chorus, but Remus knew it
was just as well, since he'd already run through the generally accepted
verses and had started in on the ones he'd made up himself. It didn't
matter anyways, since there were four Years of Hogwarts students and
most of the staff singing along by then anyhow.
Furious applause and catcalls broke out after they
finished, and the four Marauders grinned at each other madly. It didn't
seem real to Remus that they could really be standing there, that the
audience really could be screaming for them, that they'd done the whole
thing and now it was actually over.
James broke the spell by breaking out into a racking
cough. He opened his mouth to tell them something, but only little
squeaks came out. Peter found this especially funny, and James glared
at them before hopping off the stage to get a drink from the
for-once-unadulterated punch bowl.
No one ever seemed to catch the joke
here, that Peter thought it was funny that James was squeaking. Too
much rat owner humor, I suppose.
Remus turned to see Dumbledore had climbed onto the
stage and come up behind him, clapping his hands delightedly.
"Absolutely marvelous, young Gryffindors!" he
continued, beaming. "I was in a rock band myself! We used to shake the
roofs of quite a few pubs, in my younger days. Girls were absolutely
mad for us, they'd throw their things up onto the stage…in those days,
if we didn't have twenty pairs of underthings dangling from our
microphones at the end of the night we'd ask 'What's wrong? Isn't our
hair big enough?'…"
This is actually a quote from a Behind
the Music special about Quiet Riot. By now you may have caught on that
most of my humor is actually things I picked up from other places. As
Ellen says "amateurs borrow, geniuses STEAL". When I asked who said
that, she said she didn't know.
Dumbledore drifted off into contemplation, while the
Marauders stared up at him in silent horror.
"Ah well, such is youth," Dumbledore shook himself
out of his reverie. "Speaking of girls, young Mr. Potter seems to be
getting his share of attention over at the punch bowl."
Sirius, Remus, and Peter craned their necks to see
what he was talking about. Lily had James pressed against the
refreshment table, hands tangled in his hair, and was not coming up for
air anytime soon.
"She'll be spitting glitter for a week," Sirius said
in awe. Remus and Peter were struck dumb.
"I always thought Miss Evans would have her way with
him," Dumbledore commented, "if he would only shut his mouth for a
moment or two."
You should have totally known that was
coming after the brilliant foreshadowing earlier.
Sirius jumped when both Remus and Peter exploded
into raucous laughter suddenly, but Dumbledore didn't seem surprised at
The story should've been over, but
then I just couldn't end it with no answer to the Remus/Sirius thing.
So I wrote some feel-good smut out of spite. And then I stuck it in
Ellen's comments while she was at home so she would open her email
unsuspectingly and embarrass herself in front of her family.
Remus sat on the edge of his bed, staring down at
They seemed an awfully long way away, and Remus
wondered if it was really worth the effort for him to bend the whole
way down there just to untie the silly things. He was only going to put
them on again tomorrow after all.
This is so me in the throes of
exhaustion. When I got stressed out at the end of more than one
semester of college, I would wear the same shirt for days on end,
waiting for somebody to notice. Nobody ever said anything.
Peter lay on his own bed, fully dressed and snoring
loudly. James had disappeared with Lily while Sirius, Remus, and Peter
were putting away their instruments, so the remaining three snuck down
to the kitchens for their own after-party. A few dozen pastries and
half a bottle of Firewhiskey later, Sirius and Remus had quite a time
hauling Peter up the stairs to their dorm. It never did take much to
put the littlest Marauder under.
Sirius, complaining of being itchy from all the
stage-sweat, had gone to shower. Remus had meant to do the same, but he
had made the mistake of sitting down on his bed to untie his boots, and
now he had no desire at all to go anywhere. After the adrenaline of the
performance and the strain of the last few weeks, a pleasantly buzzed
Remus Lupin was more than happy to just kick off his boots and toss his
smelly shirt on the floor before sinking back into his pillows. The
jeans could wait until tomorrow. It seemed like too much work to even
crawl under the covers.
I'll just rest
for a moment, he thought sleepily. Muster my energy reserves…
He woke up when Sirius slid into his bed beside him,
throwing an arm across his bare chest and snuggling in close to his
side. He smelled of water and clean and just Sirius.
And he hadn't taken off the collar.
Originally this was going to be
showersmut, and then Remus claimed he was too tired, but I refused to
give up the collar. Who knows why Sirius would shower in it, but
perhaps he had seduction in mind the whole time.
Remus whined mentally as the leather rubbed against his shoulder, WHY did he have to leave that on?
"Don't worry," Sirius sighed, "I'll be gone before
you wake up."
Remus pried open his eyes to peer at the arm on his
chest, considering making a snide comment about idle threats. The
shower had not washed the glitter off Sirius; it was so fine that the
water had merely glued it to his skin more firmly and smudged it to the
parts of his body previously covered by clothes.
If you've ever showered after having
glitter all over you, you'll know that this is true. It takes DAYS for
it to all come off. Not that I'm complaining.
Sirius was only wearing pajama pants as usual, and his bare torso
glimmered as it rose and fell with each breath. Remus reached up to run
his fingertips over Sirius' shoulder, then up to the collar, brushing
the warm leather.
"Sirius?" Remus said after a moment.
"Mmm?" Sirius sighed, leaning into his touch.
"Why were you angry this afternoon?"
"Looked too good in those damn jeans," Sirius
murmured against his neck. "I knew you'd look hot, but when I actually
saw…didn't want them all to see you like I do. Only me." He yawned
lightly before continuing. "How long?"
I love the irrationality of this. I so
see Sirius as being the jealous type, especially since he's the one who
really wants to be owned. It's one of those "see what you hate most
about yourself in others" things. I also like the way Remus knows what
Sirius is asking even though the conversation it pertains to was hours
"Last year," Remus answered honestly. "It was
after…after. I hated you so much… eventually I figured out that I must
have loved you first to hate you that much."
Sirius didn't answer, but ran his hand down Remus
chest lightly, expertly, fingers stroking his skin as though he were
playing some guitar riff on it. Remus opened his mouth to protest, to
make Sirius go, but a huge yawn wracked his body instead, and when he
expelled the air he sank deeper into mattress, Sirius settling in more
firmly against him.
"Should've got the lights," Remus mumbled, giving in
to the inevitable.
"James'll get it," Sirius replied, voice muffled
against Remus' neck. There was a short pause before what Sirius had
said registered with Remus.
"Oh bugger," he said, opening his eyes again.
HE WOULDN'T DO THE SMUT. It just went
on and on, Remus' complete refusal to just give in to Sirius.
Heaving a sigh as though it were tremendously
taxing, Sirius pushed himself up and reached out to savagely yank
Remus' bed hangings shut.
"He'll never know," Sirius grunted, looking over at
Remus as if daring him to argue.
"Sirius," Remus started, but Sirius cut him off.
"Don't you dare try to have a talk with me," he
growled, moving one arm to the other side of Remus in order to lean
over him menacingly and glare. "I've done all the talking I'm going to
do today. What I am going to do is go to sleep curled up with you, and
don't even try to tell me you don't want the same thing. Tomorrow you
can pretend it means whatever you want, but so help me if you bring up
one more niggling reason why we shouldn't, I'm going to shag you until
you're too tired to scream my name, much less argue!"
I like that Sirius understands Remus
enough to know that sex really is the threat here, since it'll be a lot
harder to rationalize than just sleeping in the same bed.
Remus swallowed hard, exhaustion forgotten as desire
took over, the heat of Sirius' dark blue eyes burning into him. God, he
loved being the center of Sirius' attention. Sirius was so close that
their chests were barely touching each time they breathed.
"Too tired to scream your name?" Remus found himself
saying, voice was so low and husky he could hardly recognize it
himself. He reached a hand up and hooked a finger in the collar,
pulling ever so slightly. "That would be about once at the moment."
"Moony." Sirius' voice held a note of warning that
only turned Remus on more.
"Peter might wake up," he whispered, giving Sirius
his best innocent frown. He tugged harder.
HALLELUJAH! ONTO THE SMUT!
"Warned you," Sirius said before dropping his weight
onto Remus, one hand sliding under his back and the other into his hair
to push him up harder into the insistent kiss. Remus made a harsh noise
in the back of his throat and pressed up into Sirius, their noses
banging together. He slid his fingers under the collar and Sirius
Gasping for air, Sirius pulled away and dropped his
mouth to run his tongue over the hollow where Remus' neck met his
shoulder. Remus arched against him, growling louder. Sirius' hand left
his hair to trail along the waistband of his jeans, and Remus squeezed
Sirius' back harder involuntarily.
"Isn't this the part," Remus panted, "where you ask
me if I'm really really sure, cause if I'm not you'll stop?"
This line and the Sirius response
always cracks me up.
"No," Sirius lifted his head again to rub his cheek
against Remus', breathing in his ear. "This is the part where if you
stop, I'll kill you. PS- if those jeans aren't off in the next half
minute, I'm going to Disappear them permanently."
"Good luck," Remus replied, rubbing his chin against
the collar, his nose pressing into Sirius' cheek. "Do you have any idea
how long it took me to get these on?"
Haha, tight jeans plus drunkenness
plus fumbling sex equals snickering author.
Sirius grunted dismissively and rolled over, yanking
Remus by the waistband so he was on top. Reaching between them, Sirius
deftly undid the button and tugged on the zipper.
"Careful!" Remus hissed, fighting the urge to thrust
now that Sirius' hand was so near. "Things are packed in rather tight
"So I see," Sirius grinned appreciatively. He gave
the zipper another pull and this time it slid down obligingly. Sirius
slipped his hands inside and around to Remus' ass, then pushed the warm
fabric down out of his way. Remus gave a sharp cry of relief as his
erection sprang free, and he ground into Sirius mindlessly.
Sirius pushed his pajama pants down with a
dismissive motion, and arched against Remus as their bare cocks brushed
against each other for the first time. His breath caught with a whine,
and Remus' eyes flared with heat, the wolf clawing its way to the
surface. He bent his head to suck Sirius' neck savagely, wanting to own
Sirius, wanting to mark him as his.
"Moony," Sirius whined again, clutching Remus' ass
convulsively. Remus felt the hard press of Sirius against his stomach
and suddenly wanted to own that piece of Sirius just as absolutely.
Mmm, wolf ownership. So much kink.
This was early on in my smut career, and you'll notice I use the word
"cock" as little as possible. There's a lot more euphemism than you'll
find in my writing these days. I wasn't real good at writing blowjobs
either, so I covered by having Remus be no good at giving blowjobs.
All pretense of seduction and subtlety gone, Remus
simply dropped lower on Sirius' body and sucked the tip of him into his
mouth, far past worrying that he had never done this before and had no
clue how to go about it. His lower brain insisted that just hot and wet
would be good enough right now, and Sirius' sharp cry seemed to support
Sirius tangled hands in his hair, yanking him
closer, but the pain was good pain and Remus moaned as he slid as far
down Sirius as he could, the vibration low in his throat making Sirius
repeat his name desperately.
Sirius came suddenly, thrusting up hard enough to
nearly choke Remus, and Remus swallowed in surprise, then swallowed
again deliberately, the sharp taste of Sirius making him slightly
light-headed. He didn't take his mouth off Sirius until the other boy
tugged him up to lie against his body.
Not giving him a chance to collect his thoughts,
Sirius kissed Remus fiercely, hot hands on his back pressing him
closer. Sirius snaked a hand between them, then stopped, resting it
tentatively on Remus hip.
"Can I?" Sirius asked, pulling back just far enough
to see Remus' eyes.
I let this whole scene evolve
naturally without too much thought, but I like the way Sirius asks for
permission from Remus, a clear sign that I already was starting to
think of Remus as dominant and in need of control of the situation. My
Remix takes this idea pretty much to its limits, but the beginnings of
it are here.
"Yes," Remus hissed, circling his hips helplessly
against Sirius' thigh. "Yes, god, anything
Sirius slid his hand just that little bit further
and brushed the tip of Remus, making him groan and push up against his
hand. Sirius pushed Remus over onto his back and moved down his body
slowly, pausing to nip Remus' skin at what felt like infinitesimal
"Fucking tease," Remus growled, pushing at Sirius'
shoulders. Sirius did not reply and did not speed up, just kept up the
exact same winding route, pushing himself up so that his chest was
brushing Remus' erection just barely, and holding down Remus' hips so
he couldn't arch.
"Keep fighting and I'll only go slower," Sirius
threatened, his smile curving against Remus' stomach.
Remus might be in charge, but that
doesn't mean Sirius can't toy with him a bit.
"Kill…you…" Remus panted, eyes clenched shut, nearly
And then the collar, the fucking leather was on his
fucking cock, Sirius was stroking him with it, and that was nearly the
end right there. Remus dug his nails sharply into his palms to keep
himself from the edge, swearing that if Sirius did not get his mouth
where it was going in the next millisecond, James was going to return
from his evening out to find a dead Marauder on the floor.
Finally, FINALLY Remus felt wet, searing heat
envelop him, sliding the whole way down his length in one smooth
motion, and Remus didn't care if Sirius had acquired his skill by
practicing on every person in the entire castle, Dumbledore included,
because it was JUST THAT GOOD.
Suddenly Sirius' mouth was gone and Remus jerked his
head up in a snarl, ready to kill.
"Open your eyes," Sirius commanded, deep voice
sending tremors up Remus' body. "I learned it for you, you're going to
I've never really clarified just who
Sirius learned this from, or if he just took a banana to the Restricted
Section and found a relevant book. Remus didn't seem to want to know.
Remus' eyes flew open and Sirius grunted in approval
before lowering his head again. One look at the sight of his cock
disappearing between Sirius' swollen lips, about a second's worth of
Sirius' tongue wrapping around him, and Remus came with a harsh cry,
clenching his fists so hard his nails cut into the skin.
Remus came back down slowly, still humming nearly
inaudibly as Sirius gave him several more leisurely sucks. Brushing his
tongue over Remus' head one last time, Sirius slid back up to press the
length of his body along Remus', making soft satisfied noises in the
back of his throat.
Remus uncurled his fists and held one of his hands
up, noticing in a detached way the half-moons his nails had cut filling
with blood. Sirius saw too, and pulled the hand towards his lips to
kiss the blood off. Remus shivered as Sirius ran his tongue down the
lines of his palm, then let his eyes flutter close as Sirius took the
other hand and repeated the process.
This is a weird and completely
unintentional early echo of my Remix. Although entirely different, it
is interesting to note that it's Sirius making Remus claw skin open
He felt soft breath on his cheek and opened his eyes
to find Sirius leaning close, smiling secretively.
"What?" Remus asked, voice still rough.
"Are you going to kick me out of bed after you've
got what you want every time?" Sirius asked, quirking an eyebrow, "or
was it just the once?"
"Git," Remus growled, pushing him away lightly.
Sirius flopped down beside him willingly, chuckling softly.
Remus turned on his side, tugging Sirius' arm across
him tighter so Sirius would understand that he wasn't turning away, it
was just that he always slept on his side. Sirius pulled away, and
Remus wondered if he was leaving after all, but then felt the blankets
pull underneath him and understood. He shifted further to the side
accommodatingly, then snuggled contentedly into the blanket Sirius
draped over him and against the returning warmth of Sirius' bare skin.
Sirius pressed against his back, warm and soothing, curled against his
body as perfectly as with his guitar, as if neither of them had been
made for anything else.
Stylistically, I should hate the
repetition of this line, but I actually like it a lot, Remus being
jealous of Sirius' guitar and then getting his wish.
"You can blame it on the Firewhiskey tomorrow if you
want," Sirius mumbled into the back the Remus' neck. Remus reached down
to twine his fingers with Sirius' hand sprawled across his stomach.
Remus planned to do exactly that, but for now it
didn't matter. For now he was warm and sleepy and covered in glitter.
And, besides the boy breathing softly into his hair, that was really
all there was to that.
That, and the leather collar.
Mmm, leather collar. I like the mixed
message Remus sends at the end here, holding Sirius' hand but planning
to blame it all on alcohol the next day. The reason it doesn't read
like an unhappy ending to me is because Sirius knows exactly what Remus
is doing, and now Remus knows that Sirius knows, so the implication is
that Sirius will happily keep at it until he wears Remus down.
And there you go, SYWTTYARB the
Director's Cut. Hope you enjoyed.
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