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Title<\/b>: Me, Myself, and Oh My [Remus\/Remus]
\nRating\/Warnings<\/b>: R for…masturbation?
\nSummary<\/b>: Remus puts his Timeturner to illicit use.
\nA\/N<\/b>: I kept saying Remus\/Lupin instead of Remus\/Sirius and eventually decided it would be hot yet twisted. <\/p>\n
Me, Myself, and Oh My<\/b><\/p>\n
Remus scrubbed at his eyes warily, glaring down at his Arithmancy homework. His heavy sigh echoed in the empty dorm room. All the other Marauders were down at Hogsmead, but Remus HAD to make up the homework he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d missed during the full moon last week, or he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d never pass the next batch of exams, not to mention get some quality OWL time in.<\/p>\n
\tThis is what came from the evil that was taking extra classes. He knew he shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have done it, he had trouble keeping up as it was, but everything was so damn INTERESTING. And then he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d volunteered to test out McGonagall\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s new Time thingy\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n
\tSirius told him he was daft. He should\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve listened to Sirius, and Remus had never thought he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d say that. Remus wished Sirius was here so Remus could tell him that, then remembered Sirius wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t speaking to him because he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d wanted to do homework rather than go to Hogsmead with Sirius. <\/p>\n
\tThe image of Sirius pouting flashed into his mind. Sirius nibbling his lower lip. Sirius nibbling Remus\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 lower lip\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Must\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6study\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Remus gritted his teeth, trying to force his brain to disengage from his body\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s response to that last thought. He coerced his hand to scrawl a few more mathematic symbols before it rebelled and started doodling a large, black dog on his parchment.<\/p>\n
\tDammit\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n
\tRemus threw down his quill in frustration. This unrequited love bollock was HARD, and unfortunately so was he.<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no problem,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Remus said out loud. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no one here, I can just dispense of the matter quickly and return to doing my homework. No problem at all.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Figuring he could dispense with the niceties, Remus unceremoniously flipped open the top button of his trousers and slid his hand inside to grasp his cock. He shifted around in his chair, trying to find a comfortable slouch while giving a few test strokes. Remus slid down lower and lower until his arse was dangling off the seat at a ridiculous angle.<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153This is absurd,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he snarled as he nearly crashed to the floor. He tried to pull his hand back out to help pull himself back out, but it was trapped by the way his trousers had pulled tight against the chair and had gone all tingly from lack of circulation. Finally he heaved himself up and stood, freeing his hand and rubbing it vigorously to restore the blood.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153This is the ultimate rejection,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he snapped to the empty room. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Even my own HAND is falling asleep!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/p>\n
As he rubbed out the final pins and needles in his hand, his eye fell on the shiny hourglass sitting on his desk, and an idea struck him.<\/p>\n
A wonderfully wicked idea. An idea worthy of Sirius. An idea that he was pretty sure McGonagall had told him was illegal. <\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153This way I can\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6er, relieve myself AND get some homework done,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he assured himself. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s win-win. No ramifications whatsoever.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\tRemus picked up the Timeturner and considered it carefully. He wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need a full turn (he HOPED), but that was the smallest increment he had, so Remus twisted the thing once and closed his eyes, feeling a tug around his navel that was rather portkey-ish, but a tad more nauseating.<\/p>\n
\tHe stumbled a little as the room seemed to shift, then opened his eyes. <\/p>\n
\tThere he was. Sitting at the desk, quill poised halfway through a problem, was Remus J. Lupin, staring up at Remus J. Lupin the Hour Older.<\/p>\n
Remus the Older stifled a giggle as he remembered that the space-time continuum might collapse at any moment.<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Skip number twenty-two,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he told himself. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s worthless, and the answer\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s inked in on the next page.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You came back in time to tell me that?!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Remus the Younger demanded.<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Actually I came back in time to ask if you wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mind helping me out with a rather\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6persistent problem.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Damn,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Remus the Younger sighed, set down his quill. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I KNEW I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be too distracted by Sirius to finish this stupid assignment. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got myself\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6yourself\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6worked up enough to resort to time travel?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m afraid so,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Remus the Older nodded grimly.<\/p>\n
\tRemus the Younger stood up and the pair looked at each other for a moment.<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Should we\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6um, maybe\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Remus the Older glanced towards the bed.<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Right,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Remus the Younger squared his shoulders. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Bound to be more comfortable.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\tThey crossed the room towards their bed hastily, bumping into each other as they tried to crawl on it at exactly the same place.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sorry about that.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153My fault. I mean, your fault. I think.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
“It’ll be your fault when you’re me.”<\/p>\n
They stared at each other.<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153For purposes of clarity,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Remus the Older said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I think one of us should be Remus and one of us should be Lupin for the duration.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It will save us confusion,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Remus the Younger agreed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be Lupin?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Agreed,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Remus nodded. They stared some more.<\/p>\n
\tRemus and Lupin leaned in for the kiss at the exact same moment.<\/p>\n
\tIt was the most neutral experience of Remus\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 entire life. There were no new tastes or textures to explore, nothing exciting about it at all, in fact. It was like kissing your hand, if your hand had a tongue and wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even salty. They broke apart at the same moment, a shade of identical disappointment on both their faces.<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Right to it then I guess,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Remus cleared his throat.<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I suppose it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s most economic,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Lupin said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153if I get you off. Then, when I go back in time, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be me and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be the one getting off.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sounds reasonable,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Remus nodded, settling back against their pillows with and expectant look. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I like the way you think, Lupin.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\tLupin, meanwhile, had busied himself with undoing Remus\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 trousers and raised an eyebrow.<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve certainly not been getting much work done, have I?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he asked rhetorically. Remus grunted a reply as Lupin licked a palm speculatively and grasped his erection, squeezing exactly the right amount.<\/p>\n
\tThat was to be expected, Remus thought to himself.<\/p>\n
\tLupin began an all-too-familiar rhythm, furrowing a brow in concentration.<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hard to do this backwards,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he informed Remus, who merely nodded. Lupin decided that other methods might be more expedient than the awkward backwards stroking. For a moment he mused that when James had boasted he could manage this trick, this probably wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t what he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d had in mind.<\/p>\n
Remus had closed his eyes to shut out the weirdness, but they flew open when Lupin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mouth slid over his cock, getting a surprising amount of it inside his mouth before pulling back a little. <\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ummmm,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Remus hummed, settling down deeper into the pillows. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153When James says he can go down on himself, I doubt this is what he means.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He reached down to tangle his hands in Lupin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hair and closed his eyes again, doing his best to pretend the hair was dark and silky.<\/p>\n
\tLupin concentrated on the sucking, bobbing motion he had developed. Who knew it was so hard to keep from using his teeth? <\/p>\n
\tRemus, who had mastered the art of the silent sexual experience during many a night in a shared dormitory, did not moan or pant loudly or even groan out names (which Lupin was thankful for upon reflection), but Lupin could tell Remus was getting close by the way his hips were jerking nearly involuntarily, and he held Remus down forcefully with one hand to keep himself from choking. He reached down with the other hand to squeeze the base of Remus\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 cock\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6if he could get just the right place with his thumb\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n
\tRemus hissed suddenly and arched up, going rigid for a moment before flopping back down spinelessly. Lupin was caught a little off-guard, but recovered quickly enough to keep from making a huge mess on their bed.<\/p>\n
\tSo that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what he tasted like. <\/p>\n
After a minute, Remus sighed and sat up, adjusting his pants and running a hand through his hair. <\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Back to work then, I suppose,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Remus said.<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Guess so,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Lupin agreed. He glanced at the Timeturner around Remus\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 neck. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Almost time for me to go anyway.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
They both got up and returned to the desk, Remus sitting down and Lupin picking up his own Timeturner.<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not that that wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t interesting,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Lupin said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153but I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m hardly in the state you were in when you got here.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sirius nibbling on your lower lip,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Remus replied helpfully without looking up.<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mmm,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Lupin closed his eyes for a moment, giving a barely perceptible shudder. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Thanks. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m ready now.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\tRemus didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t bother to watch as Lupin disappeared; he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d seen it before, after all.<\/p>\n
\t\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Back to Arithmancy,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he told himself firmly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Numbers\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6and symbols\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6all perfectly normal\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6nothing strange here at all\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\tRemus had a sudden mental image of Sirius walking into the room and catching him going down on himself.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Bloody hell,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he cried in exasperation, throwing down his quill and putting his head in his hands.<\/p>\n