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Title<\/b>: The Return Of Lord Voldemort [Hermione\/Ron, Harry\/Ginny]
\nRating\/Warnings<\/b>: PG-13 for drunken uproar.
\nSummary<\/b>: Harry and Ron have worked out quite the floor show.
\nA\/N<\/b>: Ellen laughed until she had an asthma attack.<\/p>\n
Return of the Dark Lord<\/b><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ron?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do you love me?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Course I do.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153How much?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153More than is decent, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll tell you that much.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6hic\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6seriously, how much?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Ron peered at his rather smashed fianc\u00c3\u00a9e, trying to figure out what he could say that would allow him to return to drinking peacefully, rather than spark an international incident.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153More than Quidditch,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he finally settled on. It wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t technically a lie. Physically.<\/p>\n
Hermione giggled, evidently pleased by this answer. She leaned heavily at one hand and stared up at Ron adoringly. She took another long pull on the straw sticking out of her girly pink cocktail, which Ron couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t name and didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t recall her ordering.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153How many of those have you had?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he asked cautiously, setting down his stein of Spitting Dragon reluctantly.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t remember,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hermione giggled some more, her gaze rather unfocused. Ron looked over her tilted head to seeing Harry, Fred, George, and Angelina smirking at him from the other side of the table. Ginny, leaning rather affectionately on Harry, seemed to share Hermione\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s situation, although in a far less verbose manner.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Would you fight someone?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hermione asked, drawing Ron\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s attention back to her.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I do that all the time,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he answered without thinking.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No, RON,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hermione said impatiently, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153would you fight someone for me? For my honor?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Ron opened his mouth to comment that Hermione didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have much honor left after spending the night in his and Harry\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s flat several times that week alone, but some of his intent must have showed on his face, because Harry shook his head \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcno\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 violently.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he answered, sounding rather unsure. Harry nodded with relief, and Fred and George looked vaguely disappointed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes, of course I would.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mmm,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hermione seemed to be thinking rather hard about this. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Would you fight Draco?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve fought Draco over far less important things,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron replied dryly. This seemed to be the right answer, because Hermione gave a loud, romantic sigh. Ron dared hope for a moment, that she would be finished.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Would you fight Viktor Krum?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she continued, gazing up at him dreamily.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153In a heartbeat,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron said sourly, looking enviously over at Harry, whose girlfriend was a happy, quiet drunk, who didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem so intent on turning the depth of his affections into a pop quiz. Harry and the twins were now fighting to keep their snickers quiet.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shut up!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Angelina hissed at Fred, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I want to hear!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Would you fight Voldemort?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hermione asked.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes, Hermione,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron answered without really listening. Harry\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face drained of color. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Er, sorry, who was that last one again?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153\u00e2\u20ac\u009dYou said you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d fight Voldemort for me,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hermione announced. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Would you?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6yes\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6but not\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6I mean\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron spluttered, looking towards the others for help.<\/p>\n
That was a mistake.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Go on, Hermione,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d George egged her on, despite Harry and Ron\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s frantic, silent pleas. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ask him to prove it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Prove it,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hermione said to Ron, grinning stupidly.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh, not again, Hermione,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron groaned. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Please don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make us\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Prove it,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hermione repeated stubbornly, setting her jaw. Ron reluctantly turned to Harry.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Harry said.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153C\u00e2\u20ac\u2122mon, Harry,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron pleaded.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153NO.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Harry repeated more loudly. Ron looked back at Hermione with an apologetic gesture at Harry, but Hermione shook her head.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do it,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she slurred.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh, go on,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ginny said suddenly to Harry. She leaned over and held his face still so that she could kiss him with a modicum of success. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I think it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cute.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153All right,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Harry grumbled. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Fine, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll do it. Again.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yay!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ginny and Hermione both laughed, Hermione trying to clap her hands and missing.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah, yay!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Fred, George, and Angelina added. Harry glared at them as he hiked up his robes in one hand and climbed up onto the table, trying to be as dignified as possible.<\/p>\n
The regulars at the Three Broomsticks, some of whom had seen this little performance before, began elbowing their friends and pointing at a none-too-pleased Harry, standing on a table.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I am Lord Voldemort,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said grumpily, sounding as if he were reading tonight\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s special (Buffalo Bat Wings).<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No-o, Harry,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hermione slurred in drunken exasperation, tugging on the bottom of his robe. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do it RIGHT!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Harry heaved a big sigh and cleared his throat.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I AM LORD VOLDEMORT!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he bellowed in a mock-evil-villain voice. Several people in the bar, who had no idea what was going on, looked shocked and began whispering, but others hushed them and waited expectantly.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153THAT\u00e2\u20ac\u2122S RIGHT, THE DARK LORD!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Harry continued, wiggling his eyebrows in a sinister manner. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153MAKER OF THE DARK MARK, COMMANDER OF THE DEATH EATERS, AND DOER OF\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6OF\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6LOTS OF OTHER NASTY THINGS!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
People in the bar began to snicker. Hermione and Ginny gazed up in rapt adoration, while the twins and Angelina were already laughing heartily, knowing what was to come.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153THERE IS NO ONE WHO CAN STOP ME! HA HA HA!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I beg to differ!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron shouted, climbing up on the table himself in his outdoor cloak.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153AND WHO ARE YOU?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Harry asked, as though they were meeting for the first time.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m Ronald Weasley!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron said with a flourish, whipping off his cloak and tossing it to Hermione with a wink and rakish smile. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve come to put an end to your reign of terror, foul fiend!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153BRING IT ON!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Harry and Ron took a few well-practiced swings at each other, this early part of the routine having been worked down to a science. Harry let Ron land a punch, then clipped him with one of his own.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153YOU\u00e2\u20ac\u2122RE WEAK AND PUNY!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Harry was starting to get into it. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153SURRENDER NOW AND I MIGHT SPARE YOUR BOOKISH YET ATTRACTIVE GIRLFRIEND!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Never!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron cried.<\/p>\n
Here, at about the point where he generally began to throw the fight to Ron, Harry decided to break from the script. He broke through Ron\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s guard easily and nailed him in the eye, in what was sure to be a fantastic shiner later on.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hey, what are you doing?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron hissed so only Harry could hear. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m supposed to win!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Dark Lord yields to no one!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Harry shot back, grinning evilly. Ron redoubled his attack and landed a few solid hits on Harry\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chest that were sure to leave bruises.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Had enough yet?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron yelled, eyes bright with adrenaline.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153YOU FIGHT LIKE GILDEROY LOCKHART!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Ron charged Harry with a roar and leapt on him, slamming them both down onto the table, sending tankards and girly pink cocktails in all directions. The fight degenerated into a no-holds-barred wrestling match, which paused for a few seconds when Harry pinned Ron to the table.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153READY TO GIVE UP NOW?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcDark Lord\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 demanded, breathing heavily, blood trickling from his nose.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got one trick left up my sleeve,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron called, smirking in a way that Harry knew he was going to hate. He reached up and seized Harry\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s collar. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll vanquish you with the one weapon you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll never wield\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6LOVE!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t dare!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Harry whispered, eyes wide.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t bet your Firebolt on that!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron grinned ferally. Harry tried to back-pedal frantically, but it was too late; Ron yanked his head down and kissed him, loudly and wetly.<\/p>\n
After a few seconds worth of struggle, Harry gave a mighty push to Ron\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chest, and Ron let his robe go suddenly; he flew backwards and tumbled off the table with a painful CRUNCH.<\/p>\n
In the ensuing cheering and stomping, a victorious Ron stood back up on the table and raised his arms over his head in the universal sign for victory.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not doing this again,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Harry said loudly to Fred, George, and Angelina, who were laughing so hard tears were streaming down their faces. He looked barely placated when Ginny kissed him again.<\/p>\n
Ron collapsed back in his seat, winded and grinning cheerfully, as the cheering died down.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153A round of drinks for me and the Dark Lord!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he yelled to Madam Rosmerta. She bustled over to replace their spilled drinks.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ah boys!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she grinned at them. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You do that a few more times this week and I will pay you as my floor show!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ha ha ha,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Harry replied mirthlessly, downing half of his Black Phoenix in one go, and holding the rest against his throbbing nose.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153How was that?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he asked Hermione, who looked rather irritated. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh for the\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s wrong with you now?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You kissed Harry!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she sniffed accusingly.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You know,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron said, setting his stein back down with an irritated CLUNK, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m rather sick of you drunk. Ebriate!<\/i>\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Hermione blinked several times in the wake of the sobering charm, and glanced in confusion between Ron and Harry.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve I missed?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she asked, before turning an accusing glare on Ron. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Have you been fighting again, Ronald Weasley? You know how I hate that!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153On second thought,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron grumbled, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I liked you better drunk. Inebriate!<\/i>\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
The silly smile returned to Hermione\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face and she leaned against Ron happily.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What was I saying?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she asked.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153That you love me because I beat up Harry, who was playing Lord Voldemort again,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron told her, not feeling the least bit guiltily. He was sure he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d pay for it later.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t quite remember that\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hermione looked vaguely confused. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t suppose you might\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153NO!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Harry and Ron shouted simultaneously.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Some Dark Lord you are,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Fred sighed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No fun at all\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n