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Title<\/b>: What The Combined Forces Of Gryffindor Know About Girls [Ron\/Hermione]
\nRating\/Warnings<\/b>: G for utter ridiculousness.
\nSummary<\/b>: Ron needs some advice, and nothing good is forthcoming.
\nA\/N<\/b>: There’s this book called The Rules<\/i> that really is no better than this, I swear.<\/p>\n
What The Combined Forces Of Gryffindor Know About Girls<\/b><\/p>\n
“Dean?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron asked anxiously, appearing suddenly beside Dean\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s bed where he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been studying peacefully. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Can I ask you something?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sure,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Dean replied, putting down his textbook and eyeing Ron warily.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What do you know about Muggle girls?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153NOT MUCH!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Seamus shouted from the other side of the room.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Why do you ask?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Dean inquired, glaring at Seamus.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Er,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the tops of Ron\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ears went red. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Just, you know, wondering\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re half Muggle and all\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s trying to ask out Hermione,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Harry said bluntly, having overheard enough of the conversation as he was coming in the door. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s having a rough go of it, so far.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nRon turned scarlet and stuttered out something unintelligible.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Why not come to me, mate?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Seamus asked, popping up beside Ron and slapping him across the back. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Nobody knows more about Muggle girls than me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I think you mean \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcNobody knows more about Lavender Brown than you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Dean remarked caustically.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153And I doubt you really want to follow any of Seamus\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s romantic advice anyhow,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Harry rolled his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t Lavender hex him on fire when she caught him snogging Dean in the Library?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Neville put in silently from his bed, where he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been listening silently.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Harry and Ron replied simultaneously as Dean busied himself with his book, face pink.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153If anyone cares to notice,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Seamus said loudly, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153My eyebrows have completely GROWN BACK!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
He stopped out of the room to sulk, while the other boys snickered.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153But about the girls\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron prompted.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll see what I can do,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Dean sighed.<\/p>\n
* * * * * * <\/p>\n
Several days later, an owl arrived for Dean from his mother at breakfast, bearing a medium-sized package. He ripped it open, and out fell a letter and a well-worn Muggle paperback.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Here, Ron,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Dean said after glancing at the letter, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153this is for you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Ron looked at the book for a second, which was titled A Gentlemen\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Guide to Modern Muggle Courting<\/i>.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s that?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hermione asked from the other side of the table.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Nothing!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron exclaimed, jerking the book off the table. Harry snatched it out of his hands to examine it. As Hermione turned back to her conversation with Parvati, Ron hissed at Dean, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You told your MUM?!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What you expect me to do?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Dean demanded. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153She went to the used bookstore and found that. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d better write her a thank you, if you know what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s good for you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ron, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think you should use this,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Harry said, flipping through the pages. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nearly 40 years old, and some of the advice is a bit\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6well\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6and to top it all off, I think it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s American.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Harry scrunched up his face in disgust and dangled the book between two fingers.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh, how bad can it be?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron replied, snatching the book back from Harry. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I mean, how much can Muggle girls really have changed in forty years?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
* * * * * *<\/p>\n
Hermione was gossiping in the Common Room with Parvati and Lavender when Ron came down from the boys dormitories looking flushed and a bit\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6odd.<\/p>\n
He had his hair slicked down with so much gel that Tarantella couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have moved it, and he had his tie tied around his neck in a rather floppy bow.<\/p>\n
Hermione had a sinking feeling Ron was about to do something important as he spotted her and approached her with a single-minded determination. At least most of the other Gryffindors were still at dinner, so he wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t embarrass either of them too badly.<\/p>\n
Ron stopped immediately in front of her Hermione and took a deep breath, seeming not even to notice the other two girls, who were staring at him like he had gone mad. Ron looked very much like he was about to give a speech he had rehearsed to within an inch of its life.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Good day, Miss Granger,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron said in a loudish, fakish voice. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Lovely morning, isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t it?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Hermione glanced out the window at the gathering dusk and then back at Ron.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she answered after a second. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153A bit dark, though.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I was wondering,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron continued in the same voice as though she hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t said anything, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If you might do me the honor of accompanying me to a theatric event?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Hermione barely stopped herself before she asked Ron if this didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t count as a \u00e2\u20ac\u02dctheatric event\u00e2\u20ac\u2122.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Or,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron kept doggedly at his clearly memorized speech, despite the growing snickers of Lavender and Parvati, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153perhaps you would be more interested in an athletic competition? There are many sports games we might enjoy together, such as baseball. It would take us no time at all to reach second base on our local field!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Here Lavender and Parvati lost it and began roaring with laughter. Hermione\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face was burning despite her best attempt to be supportive of Ron. Ron faltered to a stop, glanced at the other two girls rolling on the ground, looked back at Hermione, then made a dash for the stairs.<\/p>\n
Hermione sprang out of her seat and snagged him by the arm right before he escaped.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sorry,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron choked out, staring at the ground. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Just lemme go\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ron, I would love to go out with you, on two conditions.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Ron looked up, astounded.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153One,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hermione held out her hand, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You give me that ridiculous Muggle dating book and let me burn it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Ron pulled the book out of his robe and handed it to her sheepishly.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153How\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d you know?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he asked.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I saw it at breakfast, idiot,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she replied, holding the book as far away from her as possible. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Among other things.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the second condition?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ron asked, looking relieved.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You never do that to your hair again. Ever.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Ron nodded quickly. With a final \u00e2\u20ac\u02dctsk\u00e2\u20ac\u2122, Hermione reached up and pulled Ron\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s tie out of its bow.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153And that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s NOT what a bow tie is,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she informed him as she left the tie dangling about his neck and turned to leave.<\/p>\n