![](\"http:\/\/www.kira-kira.net\/fanfiction\/wp-content\/plugins\/wp-likes\/images\/like.png\")
<\/a>Be the first to like.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Title<\/b>: Professional Ass [Gen]
\nRating\/Warnings<\/b>: PG-13 for some righteous revenge.
\nSummary<\/b>: The Roswell gang gets their first college papers back. AU.
\nA\/N<\/b>: So, once upon a time, I had a professor that I hated. There used to be a sound byte of me reading a chunk of this. Ellen had it on her computer. <\/p>\n
Professional Ass<\/b><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a little nervous about this paper,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Maria confessed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a terrible writer. And what kind of theme is \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcwhat I want to be when I grow up\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 for a college paper anyway?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Relax,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Liz said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I looked at it, Max looked at it, even Michael looked at it. It was fine.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not sure Prof. Can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t Hear What I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m Saying will like my plan to be a lounge singer,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Maria continued to fret.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Maria,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Max soothed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t matter what your paper actually says, its just to show him your writing style.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I told him I want to be a fashion designer,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Isabel said, leaning forward on her desk. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like that any better.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I wonder what Michael said,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex pondered, looking over at Michael, who was already sleeping with his head on the desk.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No one\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s is worse than mine,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Tess said.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What did you pick?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kyle asked interestedly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t tell me last night.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Housewife,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Tess coughed quickly, turning red.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Really?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kyle\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes widened and he turned a little red himself.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nothing wrong with that,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Max said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I said that I wanted to be a science fiction writer and stay at home too.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153And I said I wanted to run a multi-million dollar software company out of my garage,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex added. Everyone stared at him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he asked. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s close\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153All right class,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the professor said, coming and setting his briefcase down on his podium. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Settle down, now, settle down\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Are we going to get our papers back?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Liz asked, putting her hand in the air.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Eh?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the professor said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Speak up!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Our papers!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Liz said loudly. Maria began to giggle.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes, yes, the stapler is on my desk if you must use it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The professor turned and started to write on the board. The rest of the class began to laugh and Maria had to lay her head down on the desk, she was laughing so hard. Even Max shook with suppressed laughter as Liz glared at the professor\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s back.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d set his hearing aid on fire, if I had alien powers,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Liz growled at Max.<\/p>\n
The eight teenagers squirmed in their seats until the end of class. Well, seven of them squirmed and one of them slept peacefully.<\/p>\n
Finally, the professor dusted the chalk off his hands and pulled a large sheaf of papers from his briefcase. The class sighed in collective relief.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153The class as a whole did terribly,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said in tones of deep disgust. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So bad in fact that I have decided not to even count this first grade. The next paper, however, will count double.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Silence spread through the room as papers were handed out. Not a hushed, reading the comments silence.<\/p>\n
More like the silence of the absolutely horrified.<\/p>\n
Liz looked at her paper in disbelief, then looked up, but the professor had evidently beat a hasty retreat in deference to his personal safety.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153WHAT?!!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Isabel\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shriek finally broke the silence. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not only did he give me a D, but read this comment! READ IT!!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she demanded, waving it at Alex violently.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153\u00e2\u20ac\u2122You would make an attractive secretary\u00e2\u20ac\u2122!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex read aloud, jaw dropping. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well, he gave me a C and said computers would never be a driving force in the world!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153He gave me a B and said that nursing is a fine profession for a girl like me!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Liz exclaimed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Does \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcmolecular biologist\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 sound like \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcnurse\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 to you?!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Apparently he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mind sheriff very much,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kyle said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153B.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I got a C,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Maria said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But then it says singer is a fine profession for a girl because I will be able to give it up easily when I get married and settle down!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she smacked Michael hard in the arm. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d he give you?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she demanded.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153C,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Michael yawned, barely glancing at the paper. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Just like high school\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What did you get?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Isabel asked Tess.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t believe I feel guilty about this,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she said, gulping. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I got an A. After I wrote that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, he wrote \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcthat\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what women should do\u00e2\u20ac\u2122.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh. My. God.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Isabel was taking deep breaths, trying to calm down.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Max?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Liz asked. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153How did you do?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Max was sitting very still, just staring silently at his paper. Liz had never seen him so angry in her whole life. He handed her the paper without a word.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153\u00e2\u20ac\u2122This is not even worth my time to finish reading\u00e2\u20ac\u2122,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Liz read out loud. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153\u00e2\u20ac\u2122The only science fiction here is the fact that you think you can ignore your duty to get a real job and leave your wife to the chores of home and children. Men belong in the office, women belong in the home\u00e2\u20ac\u2122.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She looked up in shock to six speechless faces of horror. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He drew a huge line through the paper where he stopped reading, and gave Max an F.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Jesus,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex said after a few minutes.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Max?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Liz asked in a hushed voice, tugging gently at his arm. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Come on, snap out of it. We should get out of here.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
He rose to his feet mechanically and followed the other seven out of the classroom.<\/p>\n
* * * * * *<\/p>\n
Michael answered Max\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s and his door.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hey, Liz,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153How\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s he doing?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she asked with concern.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153About the same,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Michael answered. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He hasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t moved, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just sitting there, playing Snood.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do you mind if I try and talk to him?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she asked.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No problem,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. He grinned mischievously. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Maybe I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll go tease Maria. I understand she has a ton of homework she should be doing\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Liz laughed and slipped past him into Max\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s and his room, closing the door behind her.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hey,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she said, sitting down on the bed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I smuggled you a sandwich from the dining hall. Thought you might be hungry.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She held out the sandwich wrapped in napkins. Max looked away from his computer and gave a half smile.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Thanks,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said, taking it from her and unwrapping it.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153How do you feel?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Liz asked tentatively.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Still pretty pissed off,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Max admitted. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But I feel a little better.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He took a bite of the sandwich and smiled. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153This is good. What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s in here?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Um\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6egg salad, onions, mustard\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6a bunch of stuff. Basically I just put in everything that made Maria look queasy,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Liz told him. He laughed.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m glad you feel better,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she said seriously.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Max said, finishing off the last bite of the sandwich. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s because I know what I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to do.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What do you mean?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Liz asked warily. Max smiled and said nothing. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Max, what are you going to do?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll see,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said simply.<\/p>\n
* * * * * *<\/p>\n
Friday morning before class started, Liz, Maria, Isabel, Alex, Tess, Kyle, and even Michael watched Max nervously. Max sat quietly at his desk as though nothing were amiss.<\/p>\n
When the professor came in, the tension in the group doubled, but Max remained nonchalant. Ten minutes into his lecture, the professor suddenly brought a hand up to his ear as though to swat a bug, then went right on lecturing. Everything seemed perfectly normal.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153And that concludes today\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s lecture on nouns,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the professor said an hour later. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Any questions? Comments?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Max put up his hand and everyone stiffened.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes, Mr. Evans?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I would just like to say,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Max said pleasantly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That I hate you. I hate this class. You are a pompous, racist misogynist, and I want to punch you in the head.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
The class stared in horror at Max, but he went on placidly.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You should have retired twenty years ago. Half the stuff you teach us hasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been true since the Second World War. You are a million years old, and you can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t hear a word we say, not like you would listen if you did. In fact, if you were as blind as you were deaf, and you aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t far from it, I would fuck my girlfriend,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d here he banged his fist on the desk, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153right here.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
He smiled politely and leaned back in his chair, clearly finished.<\/p>\n
Everyone stared at him, jaws hanging open. Someone giggled nervously.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes, yes,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the professor said loudly, as two dozen pairs of eyes swung to focus on him in morbid fascination. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Quite right, Mr. Evans. Class dismissed.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Max calmly began to pack up his bookbag, but no one else moved.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Tess said.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153My,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Liz covered her face with her hands.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153God, that was good,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Maria finished with a satisfied smirk. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Get settled down indeed.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Secretary,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Isabel snorted.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153How did you do that?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex asked Max in awe.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I blew out his hearing aid,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Max shrugged.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You are my personal hero,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kyle said fervently. Max shrugged again.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mess with the pod squad,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said simply. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s go eat, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m starved. I have a craving for a sandwich made out of everything Maria hates\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n