\nRating\/Warnings<\/b>: R
\nSummary<\/b>: After he moves to Tokyo, things are tougher than Senga expected them to be. But when Kitayama is there too, it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem so bad.
\nAN<\/b>: Written for rikikomori<\/a> for the 2012 JE Holiday exchange. Happy holidays! I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m glad I waited until the last second to write this because a lot of it has to do with Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s 1000 character interview, and I think you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to like it a lot more because of that. So enjoy!<\/p>\n
Spend the Night<\/b><\/p>\n
Tokyo is lot harder to get used to than Senga had expected. Aside from a new school and trying to make new friends, being a more full-time junior shows him a side of the Tokyo juniors that he hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seen at all before. Before, they had mostly ignored him, gone about their business as if he wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even there.<\/p>\n
Now, they know him more than well enough to pick on him. Nikaido\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the worst, the most likely to push Senga around physically, but others move his things around or hide one of his sneakers, switch pieces of his costume and tease him about his Nagoya accent. He knows it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the same thing all juniors go through when they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re new, but it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make it feel any better. <\/p>\n
It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a little better now that he has Kis-My-Ft2 and the older boys in his unit, but sometimes it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t feel like much. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153This is yours, isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t it?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama asks, holding out one of Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sneakers. Senga nods dolefully and reaches to take it back, suppressing a sigh at the impossible knot the laces are tangled in. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Thanks, senpai,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he says. He turns to go, but Kitayama touches his shoulder to stop him, making Senga look up warily. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re living in Tokyo now, right?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama asks. Senga nods, feeling nervous. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The thing is…I live really far, so I was wondering if, when we have work in the morning, it would be okay if I spent the night at your place?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga blinks at him, eyes wide. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That was a bit sudden, huh? Sorry.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153N-no, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s okay,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga bluffs. He hates looking young and confused in front of Kitayama, who always looks like he can manage anything. Senga doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t understand why Kitayama is still stuck in with their ragtag bunch of weirdoes, why the instructors and staff never seem to notice that he can sing and dance, not just skate. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Most of the others are just as far or worse,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama explains, running a hand through his hair to scratch at his scalp. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Fujigaya\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s close but…let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just say we have incompatible morning personalities.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Just in the morning?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga asks before his brain catches up with his mouth. Kitayama and Fujigaya put on a united face when they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re in front of the whole group, but Senga can see behind that, see the effort going into it. Senga flushes a little when Kitayama chuckles ruefully. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a bit tough to wake up,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama admits. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll ask my mom,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga agrees. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll let you know?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Kitayama asks to exchange mails with Senga, and even though it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s for entirely mercenary purposes on Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s end, Senga still feels pleased about it, like he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s managed to start his own senpai collection like some of the other boys are always on about. <\/p>\n
The next week they have a morning practice, and Kitayama goes home from work with Senga the night before, duffle bag on his lap and watching the route as if he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s memorizing it. When they arrive at the apartment, Senga brings Kitayama into the kitchen to meet his mother, and Senga-san\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyebrows raise. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Nice to meet you, Kitayama-kun,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she says, politely enough. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t expect you to be so…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Short?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama asks. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153University age.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga-san gives her son a pointed look, and Senga shifts from foot to foot. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Kento has mentioned you, of course, but he left out that little detail.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I joined late,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama says as an excuse, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153so at work there doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t feel like there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s so much of a gap.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He nudges Senga with his elbow. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153They steal my sneakers sometimes still, too. Anyway, sorry for intruding.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well, at least you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re more polite than Nikaido-kun,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mother gives in with a sigh, and Senga cringes at the memory of that disastrous sleepover. Kitayama wins her over the rest of the way by making such a fuss over her food that Senga feels a little embarrassed in the other direction. <\/p>\n
They go to bed reasonably early, since the whole point is to get a good night\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sleep, but Senga doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t fall asleep so easily. He feels awkward about having the bed while Kitayama has the floor, tossing and turning a bit. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t sleep?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama asks eventually, surprising Senga. Kitayama is a little famous for falling asleep anywhere and everywhere at work. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga admits. He scootches to the edge of his bed so that he can see Kitayama in his futon in the dim light filtering in Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s window. Kitayama is stretched out on his back, hands behind his head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Is it uncomfortable down there? Sorry.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fine. I was just thinking,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama says. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So you must be pretty serious, huh? If you moved to Tokyo.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I guess so.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga feels embarrassed about it, really, thinking it could be so easy. Then he realizes he must sound like he doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s doing at all. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I mean, I am serious. I want to debut! It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just…hard. If I focus just on dance I get ignored, but when I try and improve other things, I get told I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not practicing dance enough…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I had to quit soccer,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama says, and Senga had heard that, has seen pictures of Kitayama in those first few months, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s different to hear him say it, his voice wistful. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I just couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t stand how kids so much younger than me were so much better, so I signed up for lessons. But it interfered with all my practices, and my coach said there wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t any room there for guys with two goals.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do you miss it?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga asks quietly. Like he misses Nagoya, he means, misses his room and his brother and his friends and his other life.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I do,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama says, and Senga feels like Kitayama maybe understands. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But that just means that I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t look back, because I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want giving that up to mean nothing.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
It takes Senga a few seconds to swallow the lump in his throat that Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s answer sticks there. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ne, do you think…there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a chance for us?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/p>\n
Kitayama is silent for a long while, so long that Senga assumes that either the answer is no and Kitayama doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to say, or else he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just fallen asleep. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I think,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he finally says, making Senga startle a little because it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been so long, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153that there must be a way, if we all want it badly enough.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What if not all of us do want it that badly?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga thinks about Nikaido\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s laziness and Miyata\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s bruises and Tamamori\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s whining, about how Fujigaya looks at them sometimes like he just can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t understand how this is his life. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make people all go the same way if they don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama admits. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s you, and there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s me. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a start.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Something about the way Kitayama says things always makes Senga feel better. They aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t friends exactly, at first, the gap too wide between a fourteen-year-old and a twenty-year-old even if they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re in the same group. But Kitayama spends the night more and more often, and Senga finds himself telling Kitayama things he hasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t had the courage to say to anyone else. Even if during the day Senga gets scolded by Fujigaya and the choreographer and the costuming staff and even Takizawa-senpai, when Kitayama says words like \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcdebut\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 in the dark of Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s room, Senga can almost believe in it. <\/p>\n
He gets so frustrated with the others sometimes, frustrated when they whine or are late or drag their feet, and Senga doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t understand how they can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t see that Kitayama should be the one who gets to complain because he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s stuck with a unit of leftovers like them, only Kitayama never does complain, not ever, never says no or that he can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153We totally can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t do this,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nikaido grumbles under his breath as Kitayama coaxes and pressures them into the new batch of skating tricks, acts like he can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t hear their complaints, and manages to find at least one thing positive about even Tamamori\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s half-hearted attempt. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even trying,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga points out, giving him the side-eye. Nikaido doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t notice, or doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t care. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the same with him. Nikaido and Senga get along these days, mostly, but sometimes he still rubs Senga the wrong way hard enough that Senga has to wonder if he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s doing it on purpose. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Because it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s stupid,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nikaido retorts, which is what he calls everything that he can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t do on the first try, anything that might make him look uncool for half a second. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s said it seventeen times today and will say it at least seventeen more, but suddenly Senga snaps. <\/p>\n
He turns on Nikaido suddenly, grabbing two fistfuls of Nikaido\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shirt and shakes him hard enough that they both nearly fall to the ground because of their skates. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you ever just do it instead of trying to look so cool all the time?!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he hollers, and the others are all looking at them, but Senga hardly cares. Nikaido\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes are wide with surprise. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Just shut up already!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oi, leggo,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nikaido growls, shoving Senga off. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What are you, Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s little pet?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He skate-stumbles over to whine with Tamamori instead, and Senga struggles to focus the rest of the day, ending up causing just as many problems himself as he was yelling at Nikaido for causing. <\/p>\n
Kitayama doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t say anything about the incident on the way home or at dinner, carrying on a conversation with Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mother while Senga picks at his food moodily. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s up?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama asks when he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s back from his bath, looking down at Senga curiously as he towels water from his hair. Senga is sprawled across his bed on his back, too exhausted and wrung out from being yelled at all day to even begin to put it into words. Instead he just looks up at Kitayama sadly. Kitayama reaches down to push at Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Move over.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Senga obeys, vague puzzlement under his unhappiness, and is even more surprised when Kitayama climbs into bed beside him and then pulls him into a tight hug without warning. For a second, Senga doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t move, and then he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s clinging to Kitayama tightly, both hands fisted in the back of Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s T-shirt, burying his face against Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chest as hot tears well up in his eyes. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mortified, but he can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t stop them now that they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve started, all his frustration and anxiety pouring out like a dam breaking. Kitayama rubs his back in slow circles and lets him wear himself out.<\/p>\n
When Senga quiets to sniffles, Kitayama pushes him back. He pulls off his now-messy shirt and drops it over the edge of the bed. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Is this weird?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama asks, hesitating before settling back down, glancing down at his bare chest. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Should I move to the futon?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Stay?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga says, throat hoarse. It is weird, but Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s presence is soothing, and Senga wants reassurance. Kitayama doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t voice any objections as Senga curls up as close to him as he dares, and Senga wonders if Kitayama is ever lonely too, in their group. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sorry.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shush. Go to sleep, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll feel better in the morning.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to feel better,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga says, and he knows it sounds childish. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I want us to be<\/i> better.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Kitayama hugs him again, but Senga gets the idea that the hug isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t so much for him this time. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I want that too,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama says softly, the words barely ruffling Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hair. <\/p>\n
It seems like it takes so long, but it does get better. One by one they all decide to be serious, to be Kis-My-Ft2, and Kitayama was right, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the sort of thing each person has to decide for himself. Before Senga knows it they have their own costumes and songs, more than he can count on both hands, and he can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t imagine his life without them. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Another unit?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga asks when Yara and Takizawa invite him into their special project, seemingly out of the blue. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Me?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Senga-kun,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yara says, amused, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been auditioning you guys for weeks, remember? You knew it was a dance unit, you can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be that surprised.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153But…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga fidgets, confronted with two senpai he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d rather die than disappoint, except they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re asking him to do the last thing he ever wants to. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I already have a unit.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153This could be a really good chance for you,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Takizawa says. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You should think about it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Thank you,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga says, and means it. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But Kis-My-Ft2 is my unit.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Yara sighs and pats his shoulder and says if Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sure, and Senga slips away while Yara and Takizawa start discussing what to do next. Nikaido looks up curiously when Senga comes back to their practice, but Senga just shakes his head. He doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t feel like explaining. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sort of embarrassing even, that he was so stubborn in front of senpai like Takizawa and Yara, all for the sake of his unit of leftovers, but Senga watches Kitayama and Yokoo modifying choreography for Tamamori\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s lengthening limbs (again), and knows he listened to his heart. <\/p>\n
The next time Takizawa approaches Senga, he won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take no for an answer. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153All right,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga finally gives in, flustered by the attention. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But please don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take me out of Kisumai? Please.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Kento,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Takizawa warns, looking sympathetic but firm, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I know how you feel, but this isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the place for guys with two goals.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Senga startles, the words so close to what Kitayama had told him about quitting soccer. He chooses his words carefully. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I appreciate that this is a good chance for me to learn and grow, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll work really hard, Tackey-senpai. But I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve always been Kisumai\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s S, and I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to be anything else.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just see how it goes,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Takizawa says, voice cautious. <\/p>\n
Butoukan, when they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re eventually named that, is perfect for Senga. The dance focus makes Senga shine on stage, and the makeup of the group means he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s one of the stronger singers as well. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s tough at first, not to hide behind the voices of Kitayama or Fujigaya, but once Senga is forced to go out on his own he can feel himself improving day by day. Yara is a demanding teacher without being condescending, knowing when Senga could do more without pushing him past his limits so that he hurts himself, and Senga soaks up his attention like a plant in the sun. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You look so happy,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama says with approval the next time he stays over. He makes an exaggerated face of distress as he pokes at Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cheeks, barely any baby fat left. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So grown up! Aw, Ken-chan, can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you stay cute and innocent forever?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Quit it!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga laughs, shoving at Kitayama. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not that different!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I guess it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s easier to see you changing when I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t see you every day,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama admits, the tease dropping away. He seems serious underneath as he looks Senga over more closely. Senga realizes that they haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seen each other in days before today. They aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even going into work together tomorrow, Senga going in early for Butoukan\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s new song, and Kitayama to a planning meeting with the rest of Kis-My-Ft2. <\/p>\n
Suddenly he feels them slipping away, out of his reach, and it makes the bottom drop out of Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s stomach. All the pleasure of being in the spotlight, of being special, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not worth losing them. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s that?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama asks, reaching over to smooth a thumb over Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cheekbone. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Your expression just got so sad.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Senga can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t answer in words, but Kitayama lets him press as closely as he can for a hug, rubs slow circles on his back without asking for any more explanation. Senga drinks in Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s warmth and strength greedily, knowing he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll need it. <\/p>\n
The next day, Senga asks to talk to Yara a minute before practice starts. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga takes a deep breath and reminds himself he isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t fourteen anymore, that he has to stand up for himself sometimes. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153This is getting serious, right? Butoukan is. But I told you at the beginning, Kis-My-Ft2 is my unit. I haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t changed my mind.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Something flashes in Yara\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes, gone before Senga can read it, and Yara regards Senga silently for a long minute before saying anything in response.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get another chance like this,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is what he says in the end. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t there any way that I can win you over?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yara-san is really amazing,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga says, shaking his head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s only one person who I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll ever call Leader.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s terrifying having to go into Johnny\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s office and tell him the same thing, and it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s even worse when Johnny-san himself tells Senga, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153YOU are making a huge mistake.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What happened?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nikaido demands in alarm when Senga shows up at their practice afterwards, unannounced, his face still pale from the meeting and nervous sweat not totally dry. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m back,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga says simply, then grunts as Nikaido hugs him fiercely enough to squeeze the air out of his lungs. Senga can see the relief on the other\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s faces, mixed with some disbelief, when he looks over Nikaido\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder, and he feels half terrible for making them worry and half pleased that they missed him too. <\/p>\n
It isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t until later, when they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re alone, that Kitayama gets the whole story out of Senga. His expression is grave when Senga admits exactly what he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s done. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m happy you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re still ours,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama says. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But you shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have done that. You shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t give up such good chances. You should think of yourself first.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shut up!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga snaps, because of all people, Kitayama should understand, and if he doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t then Senga just doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll do about anything. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Maybe debuting with just anybody is okay with you, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not for me! \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcWith Kisumai\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 is the part that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s already set in stone!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not okay. Just anybody isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t okay,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama answers quietly, and Senga feels like a huge weight has been lifted off his heart. Senga hugs Kitayama, hiding his face against Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Leader,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he says, voice muffled, and Kitayama shushes him and says not to call him that, geez. <\/p>\n
It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hard not to feel like he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s being punished when suddenly Tamamori is promoted to frontman and Senga is left in the same state as Miyata or Yokoo or Nikaido. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s even harder to admit that for all his weirdness, Tamamori is honestly better suited for it. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not about his voice or his dance, things that can be taught; Senga had always felt awkward in that position no matter how close he was with Fujigaya and Kitayama, but Tamamori is turning out to be prince-type after all. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ah, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s my mom\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fault,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Miyata says at random, making Senga and Nikaido blink at him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153She\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s given up on making me a prince-type like Tackey, so she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s focusing her attention on Tama-chan instead. She and Tamamori-san discuss us on the phone.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s terrifying,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nikaido says, as if his own mother doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t call Fujigaya to check up on her son\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s behavior at least twice a week. Senga fidgets, wondering if his own mother has given up him being prince-type as well, and sad that he might be a disappointment after everything she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s done for him. Ever since the change, he can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t stop worrying about his position in the group, worrying about disappointing them as well. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What are you so worried for?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama asks, reading Senga easily as always. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a place in Kisumai where only you belong, so quit it already.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153But I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what that place is,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga says, the same frustration that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s always had as a junior welling up inside him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what to focus on, how to make everyone happy, why I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t ever seem to improve the right thing at the right time. Everyone else is…and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m just…I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not just dance, you know!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I do know,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama assures him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Kitayama just being present makes Senga feel better, less panicky. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I see it. Sooner or later everyone else will too, so don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be so anxious. We won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t leave you behind, I promise.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Why do you always say such cool shit,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga grouses, but he leans his cheek against Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder and takes the comfort Kitayama is offering. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I have to enjoy it now,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama says, even though Senga wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really expecting an answer. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Before you grow up the rest of the way and don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need me so much anymore. Even now, when I watch you I think the gap between us is nearly closed.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/p>\n
As if I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d ever not need you,<\/i> Senga thinks, but it seems embarrassing to say out loud, so he only digs his chin into Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder a little. <\/p>\n
In the months after Playzone, time seems to speed up, or more that they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re so busy that Senga doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t notice its passing so much. He still feels anxious and like he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll never learn to please everyone, but most days he feels like he can be satisfied even if it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s only his own group that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s pleased with him. Senga knows they trust him to choreograph to make them look good while thinking about their limitations, to teach them properly and to stay as long as the most struggling member needs him to. <\/p>\n
He thinks about Yara a lot as they start touring on their own and Senga is often responsible for exactly those things, how Yara could always find the words to encourage the best out of them as dancers, how he always struggled to have the dance reflect the dancer instead of himself as the choreographer. The more he thinks about Yara, though, the more it seems like Kisumai might get their chance after all, the more Senga realizes that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s done something reasonably unforgivable and never even apologized. <\/p>\n
Senga slips over to visit one of Yara\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s practices with THEY Budou when his schedule lines up to make it work. He comes in quietly and hangs around in the back, just watching, the five men in front of him so intent on their work that they don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even notice him. It makes Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chest ache a little, wondering what he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be like if he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d spent all this time with Yara teaching him, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not a choice he regrets. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Senga-kun?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yamamoto asks, the first to notice when they stop for water, and Senga waves shyly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s good to see you! It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been a while! Did you come to play with us?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Idiot, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re working, not playing.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yara cuffs Yamamoto good-naturedly, and Yamamoto grins as happily as if Yara had patted his head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Something you want, Kento?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Just to talk,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga says, feeling nervous now that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s here, interrupting practice even. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s okay…?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fine. Take a break,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yara calls to THEY, waving them off. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t let your muscles cool off! We aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t done here!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I just…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know where exactly to begin, now that he has Yara\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s full attention. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been thinking a lot, since we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve started touring, since I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been choreographing more and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m responsible for teaching the other members. About…you know.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Butoukan,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yara supplies, and Senga nods. Yara leers a little. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153About me? This isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t a confession, is it? Ken-chan is awfully cute…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yara-san!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga says reproachfully.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay, okay.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yara holds up his hand in surrender. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No teasing. Go ahead.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Anyway, I realized…it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t just my chance I messed up. I really screwed up things for you, didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t I?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s throat tries to close up a little, but he forces words out. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I know you want to debut, the same as me. That must have really hurt, and I never even said I was sorry.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153But you aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t sorry,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yara says, and Senga winces because no, he isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m glad. You knew your own heart, knew that you only had room for one group in it. So don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t apologize, because I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to think you have any regrets about it. There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s still only one guy you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll call Leader, right?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Definitely.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga smiles at Yara, watery but real. Yara really is an amazing guy, he can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help but think. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oi, quit that, they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m bullying you over here,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yara scolds, and Senga laughs and swipes at his eyes. Yara\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s expression softens as he lets Senga have a quick hug, Senga not caring at all that Yara is sweat-soaked from practice. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t just your fault. Things don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t work out sometimes, and I still have a lot to learn and improve. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m grateful for all the shows I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve done since then and all the people I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve worked with. So let me come and worth with you guys sometime, okay?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Any time you want,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga promises, grinning as he thinks about the pain on his groupmates\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 faces when they learned that he just gave Yara a free pass to come and torment them any time. <\/p>\n
It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s weeks later that Kitayama says he has a surprise and that just this once, Senga should come home with him instead of the other way around. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sure?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga agrees, wondering what could be good enough to make Kitayama drag him so much farther than Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s apartment. Senga figures it out halfway there, when the train they take is on a totally different line than the other times he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been to Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s house. <\/p>\n
Kitayama leads him to a quiet apartment complex, not so close as Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s to work, but not much farther, up a couple floors in the elevator, and then proudly unlocks his own front door with his own key as he ushers Senga inside. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m home,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he calls softly, flipping the light switch on. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Wow!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga says, excited for Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sake. There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hardly any furniture and a few boxes sitting around on the floor in the living room, Kitayama obviously barely moved in. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nothing much yet,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama says. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153All I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve had delivered so far is the bed.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Senga bursts into laughter because, of course. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Show me,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he asks, and Kitayama does, pushing open his bedroom door to show that indeed, the only thing in the room is a bed, the blankets still rumpled up from that morning. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I like it,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga announces.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even tried it out yet,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama points out. Senga looks over his shoulder to tease, but something about Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes says that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s testing the waters a little. Warmth works its way over Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s skin, even though he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not one hundred percent sure if Kitayama is asking what Senga thinks he might be. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Did you bring me over here to break in your bed, senpai?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga asks. He can always play the innocent kouhai card if he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got it all wrong. <\/p>\n
Kitayama steps forward, into Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s space, and Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s pretty sure he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got the right idea. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well, if you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re interested…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He cups Senga face in his hands, giving him plenty of time to back out, before leaning in and pressing their mouths together.<\/p>\n
Senga presses closer, wrapping arms around Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s waist and sighing into the kiss. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s gentle and lingering, and when Kitayama pulls back, Senga feels like he can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t quite catch his breath the whole way. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m interested,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga says, in case it isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t obvious. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do you know how long I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve wanted you to do that?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153About that,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama chuckles ruefully. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not talk about how long ago I started wanting to do that to you. And no calling me \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcsenpai\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 in bed.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Leader?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga tries instead, eyes innocent. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No<\/i>.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hiromitsu,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga says at last, savoring the way it feels on his tongue. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s such a great bedroom name, and he wants to say it over and over. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the one,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama praises, feeling the same way apparently. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Kento. Come to bed with me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Senga shivers when Kitayama says his first name like that, different than anybody else. Kitayama kisses him again, more possession in it, and Senga melts against him, mouth opening under his at the first touch of Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s tongue. They barely stop kissing long enough to strip their shirts and pants off, and then Kitayama tumbles them into his bed. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153So warm,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama sighs happily as he works himself under Senga. Senga is trailing kisses down his neck and across his shoulders, feeling like he can never get enough of the feel of Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s skin under his mouth. He rocks up against Senga, and Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nerves thrill at how Kitayama is already getting hard for him, just from this. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Can I touch you?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga asks. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mm, definitely,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama encourages. He digs fingers into Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s back as Senga works a hand down and wraps it around him. Senga gives him a slow stroke, testing, and Kitayama groans his name softly, making the hairs on Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s arms rise. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Kento…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Is just this okay? For now,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga clarifies. He wants to do so much more, but for now he wants to just enjoy the feel of Kitayama in his hand. Kitayama feels so much different than his own does, shorter but thicker, twitching when Senga thumbs his head.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Anything you want is fine,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama agrees, voice deeper than usual. He flexes his hips into Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand, murmuring an occasional instruction, but mostly he lets Senga do what he wants, lets him take his time. Power rushes through Senga at how easily Kitayama gives up control, making him hard himself, and he rubs a little against Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s thigh. <\/p>\n
When he comes, pulsing over Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand, Senga can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help but grin at Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s deep sigh of satisfaction. If Kitayama can be so pleased with just his hand, he can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t wait to try his mouth, and everything else. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153My turn,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama says, and without any further warning Senga finds himself flipped over onto his back, looking up at Kitayama. Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes are dark as they drag slowly over Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s skin, taking in everything, and Senga shivers as if it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fingers instead, all the way down.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I honestly thought you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d just fall asleep,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga laughs breathily as Kitayama leans down to kiss a line across Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s collarbone, down his chest. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t say that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s never going to happen,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama murmurs with his mouth pressed against Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s stomach. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s going so slowly, like he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s trying to map every centimeter with his mouth, but Senga doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t rush him, other than to push up into his touch as it moves down. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But at the moment I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t feel like I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m through with you at all.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mmm,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga agrees, threading his hands into Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hair and pushing it back from his face so Senga can see how dark his eyes are. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s so hard he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s aching by the time Kitayama gets to where he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s going, and when Kitayama licks at his tip, Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s moan is embarrassingly loud. <\/p>\n
Kitayama only chuckles, his eyes saying he likes that so much. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the other reason we couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t ever do this before. I doubt your mom would have appreciated that.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153She loves you, but not that much,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga agrees. His next words cut off with a groan as Kitayama wraps his mouth around him and sucks all the thoughts right out of Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s brain. Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mouth is hot and perfect, the way the palm of his hand is flat and warm against Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s belly, his other hand drifting down to roll Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s balls, all of it too much. Senga can barely gasp a warning before he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s coming, fingers twisted tightly in Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hair. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hey, now,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama lets Senga slip out of his mouth and nips at the skin of his hip. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not so rough.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sorry,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga murmurs, still shaking, and his arms feel heavy when he tries to curl them around Kitayama as Kitayama crawls up to hold him properly. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153At least not yet,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama promises, grin sharp, and Senga shivers for a totally different reason as Kitayama leans down to crush their mouths together. <\/p>\n
In the morning, their stuff is all in a tangle, at least as much as they are, and they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re already late by the time they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re trying to separate it because Senga decided to wake Kitayama up in the best way he knew how. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153This is yours, isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t it?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama asks, holding out one of Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sneakers, and Senga says yes and laughs, because if the Tokyo junior taking his stuff is Kitayama, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not so bad. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hurry up, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll have to run as it is.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Kitayama stops yanking on his laces when Senga leans over to kiss him on the cheek. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m just glad it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s you, that you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re here,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga says when Kitayama raises an eyebrow at him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re the reason I stayed, you know. If I can be next to you, things aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t so hard and they don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t hurt as much. You make me feel like I could be stronger too, like you are.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Kento,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama murmurs, touched. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not quite the confession Senga has been daydreaming about making for the last few years, but it seems to mean more to Kitayama this way anyway. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re already strong. Quit getting stronger, because I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want you to stop needing me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll never happen,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga insists. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And even if it does, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll just want you instead.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Kitayama kisses him like it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a promise, like they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re the only two people in the world and they aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t already so late for work, and when Senga pulls back to ask if he can sleep over again tonight, Kitayama kisses him for that too. <\/p>\n
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