\nRating\/Warnings<\/b>: NC-17
\nSummary<\/b>: Kitayama has spent years telling himself it’s better this way, but Senga disagrees.
\nAN<\/b>: I owed Senga birthday fic, and then I was “motivating”
Worth the Wait<\/b><\/p>\n
Kitayama has to close his eyes and take a deep breath when he accidentally grabs Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s towel instead of his own to wipe his face. Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s familiar smell makes his pulse speed, makes Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fingers clench the fabric involuntarily. <\/p>\n
You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d think he would have gotten better at waiting after all this time, but the truth is that the way Kitayama wants Senga never eases really. A stray touch, a brush of arms in a crowded train, or even just an accidental catch of their eyes across the room, all of it makes Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s skin feel tight with want, prickling at nothing. <\/p>\n
Stop that<\/i>, he scolds himself. You already decided not to make it complicated.<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mitsu?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga asks, snapping Kitayama out of it. Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hair is stuck to his head in damp curls from practice, and Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fingers twitch with want of combing through the messy strands. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Here,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is all Kitayama says, handing over Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s towel like he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d picked it up on purpose. He reaches for his own and buries his face in it for a second, trying to lose Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s smell in the scent of his own cheap laundry detergent. <\/p>\n
It didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t used to be so hard. Years ago, Senga was so much younger that all Kitayama had to do was to remind himself of Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s birthyear, of how old Senga would have been when Kitayama graduated high school, to push the beginnings of those feelings back down. All he had to do was remind himself he wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t Fujigaya, he wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t Takizawa, he wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be that kind of senpai. <\/p>\n
But it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been years since that stopped working. Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s an adult now, the gap between them worth nothing really, shared experience and struggle so much more important. These days Kitayama reminds himself of the group instead, of how dangerous it would be to lose focus, how a messy breakup might ruin things for all of them. He builds up worst case scenarios for himself, imagines himself hurting Senga or seeing the reproach in Yokoo or Miyata\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes, or cracking the foundation of the only group that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ever been home to Fujigaya. <\/p>\n
Kitayama watches the roll of Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body, sweat beading on his skin, and it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s easy to imagine that skin under his hands, that salt of that sweat on his tongue, and he wants it, he wants<\/i>, but not enough to give up Kisumai. Not enough to chance it even a little. <\/p>\n
It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s for the best, he chants mentally like a soothing mantra. It hurts as much as it feels good if he lets himself wallow in it too long, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s for the best, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sure. <\/p>\n
So it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s with a lot of misgivings that Kitayama lets a dripping-wet Senga into his apartment just before midnight. Senga had called suddenly and said he was downstairs, to buzz him up. He hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t given Kitayama any chance to ask any pertinent questions, like what on earth he was doing there and why he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have the sense to bring an umbrella.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153We have work tomorrow, you know,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama says as he takes Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s water-heavy jacket and hangs it over a chair. He tsks at Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s abuse of the leather, but Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s old enough to treat his possessions poorly if he wants to. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I had to time it just right,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga says, pulling his phone out of his pocket to check the time. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mm, close, but…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153But?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama prompts when Senga trails off. Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s phone chirps a little alarm, and Senga looks up triumphantly. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Now<\/i> it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s my birthday,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he says. He stares at Kitayama expectantly. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Congratulations?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama offers. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153So I get a present, right?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga asks, eyes interested and way too knowing, and Kitayama can see exactly where this is going to go all wrong. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Kento,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he says, taking a step back. Senga steps forward, keeping the space between them constant. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I just want a kiss,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he says, putting a little touch of pout into it. He reaches for Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s T-shirt and holds Kitayama still while he takes another step closer. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Just one kiss. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the only present I want, I promise.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
It won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be<\/i> just one, Kitayama opens his mouth to protest, but Senga already has their mouths pressed together, and all the tension that usually pulls Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s skin tight doubles in intensity, drawing a soft, desperate noise out of Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s throat. Senga licks at Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s lower lip, and it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all over, all of Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s carefully built-up resistances crumbling away. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mitsu<\/i>,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga gasps when Kitayama grabs him, fingers digging tightly into Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s waist through his damp T-shirt, and he sounds just as full of longing as Kitayama feels. It makes Kitayama pause and pull back, to look Senga over carefully. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t stop,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga says, sounding uncertain and not quite meeting Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes. His fingers are rubbing a little against Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulders, not quite clutching at him but not far from it. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Please don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Kitayama looks at Senga, really looks without spending all his energy trying not to look so closely, and sees that maybe he hasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been the only one waiting. It makes his breath catch for a moment. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153How long?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he asks. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even know,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga says softly, eyes fixed somewhere around Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s collarbone. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It feels like so long. I just…I want<\/i>, and I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t…just let me stay, okay? Just tonight and we can forget it in the morning, I can–\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What on earth makes you think I would treat you like that?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama interrupts. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Look at me. Look.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Reluctantly, Senga drags his eyes up to meet Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s. He doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem to see it at first, so Kitayama tries to put all of it into his gaze, how much he wants Senga, how scared he is of it, how he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll never have enough words to explain it if Senga really can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t see it on his own. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga breathes, wonder starting to creep into his expression. The he frowns. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re shaking.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Kitayama is, he realizes, and he pulls Senga close to mask it, trying to will himself to calm down a little. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s because you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re dripping on me,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he lies, even as he buries his face against Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s neck and inhales as deeply as he can, just like he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been wanting to do all this time. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153That isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t why,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga says, sounding sure. His arms slide around Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s back, squeezing him tighter. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Take me to bed?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
The trip to Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s bedroom is a blur of roaming hands and dropped clothes, and Kitayama doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really come to his senses until he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s leaning over Senga, Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes trusting and his skin pale against Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s dark sheets. Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s already hard for him, even though Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s barely touched him yet, and Kitayama can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help but reach down to feel Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cock in his hand, smooth and hot and heavy. <\/p>\n
Senga arches for him with a soft moan of his name, and Kitayama can hardly get air into his lungs with how good that looks, how good Senga feels under his hands, how responsive. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You can have me,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga encourages, bending one knee until his foot is flat on Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s bed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You want me, right? I want you so much…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shut up or I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to lose it before I ever get near you,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama growls, not really kidding at all. It makes Senga laugh and reach for Kitayama like he wants to see for himself. Kitayama bats Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand away and leans down to kiss him breathless, hoping to distract him long enough to dig the lube and condoms out of his bedside table. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Please,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga begs as Kitayama slides the first finger in. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s tight enough that Kitayama is tempted to ask if he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s done this before, but then again he doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really want the answer. Senga pushes back against Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand after only a minute, panting for him, and Kitayama presses kisses to the inside of Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s knee just because Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s leg is still bent so it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s convenient. <\/p>\n
Senga rushes Kitayama through two and three, all impatience and squirming, and Kitayama doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have the willpower to fight him because he wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t kidding about maybe not being able to last. When Senga sits up suddenly to roll the condom onto Kitayama, Kitayama lets him have his way, lets Senga push him down onto his back and climb on top. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Have you ever thought about me doing this?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga asks, a glint of challenge in his eyes as he hovers just over Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cock. Kitayama shakes his head; he hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t ever indulged in fantasies that detailed, figuring he was just torturing himself. Senga gives Kitayama a sharp, heated grin that makes Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s stomach roll over. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153This is the way I think about it most often,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he says, like he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sharing a closely-held secret, and Kitayama groans brokenly as Senga sinks down onto his cock. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Kento,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama says, just says his name over and over and can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem to get anything else out. Senga plants his hands on Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chest and his knees into the mattress and goes for it, eyes closed in concentration as he rolls his hips in that dirty 8-count he was forbidden to do on stage ever again after that one concert. Kitayama wants to watch it forever, forcing his eyes back open every time Senga comes down on him with a slap of skin and they try to fall shut. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Touch me,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga pleads, changing his angle a little, and when Kitayama manages to get a hand in between them to start pulling him off, Senga wails a note that would make Johnny-san a billionaire if Kitayama happened to fuck it out of him in a recording booth. That alone almost pushes Kitayama over the edge, but he grits his teeth and focuses on getting Senga off, determined not to lose it first. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Come for me,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he orders, voice rough and maybe a little desperate. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hurry up, if you want to come with me inside, I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t wait much longer.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga agrees, eyes squeezed shut and concentrating on it, fucking himself up into Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand and back down onto his cock. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mitsu, oh, Mitsu, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m–\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
He comes with a shudder that Kitayama feels all over his skin, spilling hot over Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand and stomach before his arms give out and dump him on Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chest. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oops,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga mumbles against Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chest. He tries to push himself back up and goes nowhere. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shh, I got this,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama promises. He rolls them over in one smooth movement, hands tight on Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hips to make sure he stays inside. Senga blinks up at him in surprise, obviously a little impressed, and Kitayama thinks maybe being senpai by such a ridiculous gap is worth something after all. He rocks in and out of Senga once, slow, deliberate. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mm, yeah,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga sighs, clearly still wallowing in afterglow. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Anything you want.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Kitayama bends his head to kiss Senga, slow and deep, just like how he moves in and out of Senga. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s so close already that it isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t hard at all to come just like this, to spend himself inside Senga and then let his weight drop onto Senga when he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shivered himself out. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Anything I want?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he asks a while later, when he feels like saying anything. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s slipped out of Senga by then but hasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t moved otherwise. If his weight is crushing Senga, Senga doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem to care and hasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t made any effort to move himself other than beginning to stroke Kitayama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hair, twisting sweat-damp bits of it into curls around his fingers. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Are you sure an open offer like that is wise?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You know best,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga says, then yawns cutely. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Or at least you ought to, since you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re so much<\/i> older than me, right?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Brat,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama says without any heat. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I know shit that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll make your perm go straight.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Senga starts to laugh, hard enough to make Kitayama bounce on his stomach a little, and Kitayama pushes himself up onto his elbows enough to kiss Senga firmly. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Congratulations on your birthday,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he says when it breaks, and Senga grins at him with glazed eyes. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Out of curiosity, why this birthday? It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not an important age or anything.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Senga shrugs. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It felt right. I felt…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Senga\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes go up towards the ceiling, like he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s searching for the words there. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I felt like the gap between us had finally gotten small enough that I could reach across it and touch you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Kento,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kitayama murmurs, moved and with no idea what to say in reply to that. <\/p>\n
Senga takes care of it with another sweet, lingering kiss, and Kitayama give in and lets Senga prove to him for a little while longer that cute kouhai sometimes have much better ideas than their senpai.<\/p>\n
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