\nRating\/Warnings<\/b>: PG-13 for it never being Yamapi’s fault.
\nSummary<\/b>: Yamapi is the worst ninja leader ever, but Jin is a pretty good pirate.
\nAN<\/b>: For swtjemz<\/a>‘s birthday, because she wanted the epic epic pin ninja\/pirate love story. I dunno about epic, but I tried for all the rest. <\/p>\n
Like Gyoza and Grog<\/b><\/p>\n
The first time it happens definitely isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t Yamapi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fault. <\/p>\n
It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s those damn pirates and their wiles, he tries to explain to the rest of his squad the next day, after he shows up at their secret ninja meeting place, hours late and wearing his headband around his neck to try and hide at least a few of the bite marks. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I mean come on,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yamapi goes on, waving his hands, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153with their swaggers and their scarves and their dangly earrings and their tattoos! But mostly it was the wiles!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re the worst ninja leader ever,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ryo says, not looking up from where he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cleaning his nails with a kunai. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153They were very sexy pirates, ne,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Tegoshi says in solidarity, patting Yamapi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder, and Yamapi beams at the squad\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s youngest member for understanding the true nature of their opponents. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No wonder you didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t show up until now.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153They probably drugged you!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Koyama insists, fulfilling his role as their squad\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s medic by poking and feeling Yamapi all over to check his chakra. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Are you nauseous? Dizzy? Light-headed?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t drugged!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yamapi snaps, trying to fend off Koyama with little success. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We were at the bar, I had a few drinks, Ji\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI mean, Akanishi wanted to show me his new tattoo, and then\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yamapi swallows as he realizes that Tegoshi is staring at him with wide, young eyes. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t remember what happened after that.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153See?!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Koyama wails, poking Yamapi harder. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Drugged!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What I want to know is why the pirates are here anyway,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Shige speaks up, adjusting his glasses. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re after the same thing as us, do you?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Gyoza?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Massu tilts his head, and then blinks when Ryo\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s kunai is suddenly buried in the tree next to his head. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oi!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d a loud voice interrupts, and all six of them look up to find Akanishi looming over them, scarves and dangly earrings at all. He squints down at them, looking ruffled and not terribly pleased about the amount of daylight. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do any of you happen to have any grog? My head\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s killing me!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You brought him to our secret meeting spot?!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Shige demands. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Secret meeting spot?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Akanishi looks around. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You guys know you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re sitting behind a bush like two minutes out of town, right?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Che, let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just go,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ryo growls, standing up, and Tegoshi hops up too, dragging Massu up with him and reminding Ryo that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s his turn to treat for lunch. <\/p>\n
Before Yamapi knows it, his whole team has vanished, as ninjas do, and it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s only him and Akanishi left. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ninjas.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Akanishi clicks his tongue. <\/p>\n
The second time it happens, it isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t Yamapi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fault either. <\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
The third time, Yamapi has prepared himself thoroughly for the pirate wiles, and thus is completely unaffected when his stakeout with Shige is interrupted by Akanishi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s arrival on-scene. <\/p>\n
As a result of intensive, extensive ninja training, Yamapi can remain perfectly motionless for thirteen hours and eighteen minutes, but that doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean that stakeouts aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t boring, so it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s completely understandable that he perks up when he catches sight of Akanishi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s unmistakable red coat and black hat with the huge, swooshy feather. From his vantage point on the roof, practically all Yamapi can see is the hat, in fact.<\/p>\n
Akanishi isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t alone this time, flanked by one pirate with a shaved head and an eye patch, and another pirate with a ponytail and a look of tortured tolerance. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re obviously casing the place as well, just less stealthily than Yamapi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s crack ninja team had done hours earlier, their fancy pirate boots clattering on the cobblestones. The eye-patch pirate tells a dirty joke that makes their other companion look even more tortured, and Akanishi throws his head back to laugh. <\/p>\n
Yamapi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s breath catches at sudden sight of Akanishi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face, cheeks flushed and throat bare. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Did you just breathe?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Shige hisses. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s watching off the other side of the roof, pressed against Yamapi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s back, but now he turns and curses as he catches sight of the pirates as well. <\/p>\n
His reproval for Yamapi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s lack of ninja oxygenation is interrupted by the return of Tegoshi and Masuda. Tegoshi alights on the roof on silent feet and palms, like a cat; Masuda\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s landing is more like that of a rabbit dropped from a small height, quiet but not without some scrambling. The pirates don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem to notice, still laughing at their joke. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153The pirates are here,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Shige reports tersely. Tegoshi makes a Very Concerned Face. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153They must be after the same thing as us.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think pirates like gyoza, Shige,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Masuda says. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t go with grog so well.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153We aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t here for gyoza, you moron<\/i>,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Shige hisses. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We should send somebody down there as a distraction while the rest of us go tell Ryo and Koyama what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s happening.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Shige has barely finished speaking before Yamapi is at the edge of the roof. He dangles off the edge of it by his fingertips just long enough to hear the slap of Shige\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s palm against his forehead, and Masuda whisper to Tegoshi that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s<\/i> here for the gyoza, and then Yamapi lets go and drops to the dirt of the road. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Fancy meeting you here!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yamapi says loudly, making all three pirates whirl in a swoosh of coats and scarves and hat feathers. The other two pirates frown, but Akanishi grins.<\/p>\n
He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s even more breath-taking close up, Yamapi realizes, Akanishi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes glittering with trouble and grog, a tantalizing glimmer of gold in his mouth, and somehow Yamapi finds himself backed up against a well, Akanishi leaning in close to ask him if he comes here often. <\/p>\n
At least his team has time to get away while the pirates are distracted, Yamapi thinks dimly. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Would you like to?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Akanishi follows up his previous question, just before his mouth crushes over Yamapi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s. <\/p>\n
Not his fault at all<\/i>.<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
The sixth time, Yamapi calls special circumstances. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ever done it on a boat?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Akanishi wants to know.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yamapi answers, sensing with his amazing ninja senses an opportunity to do some reconnaissance in enemy territory.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like doing it on a water bed,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Akanishi announces, leaning in closer to whisper in Yamapi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ear, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153only better<\/i>.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
By the time Ryo mounts the intervention, Yamapi has completely lost count and has long given up on trying to hide anything with his headband. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153This is a mutiny,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ryo says flatly, crossing his arms. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m taking over as Leader, and you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re getting sent back to the village for debriefing.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nice, Ryo-tan,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yamapi slaps Ryo on the shoulders, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153but I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve already been debriefed twice today. Everyone, I have an exciting announcement!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Everyone stares expectantly at Yamapi; Yamapi points at the entrance to their secret meeting place as Akanishi and five other pirates step out. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Dammit, stop bringing people here!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Shige shouts. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You guys know this is a bush two minutes out of town, right?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the pirate who looks the most normal asks. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Jin and I have decided,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yamapi grins at all of them, slinging an arm around Akanishi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulders, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153that since we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re all after the same thing, we should work together!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Masuda opens his mouth, but Koyama slaps a hand over it before Ryo actually does kill somebody. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Fine,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Shige sighs, defeated. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You guys have a map too?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The pirate whose outfit inexplicably involves shorts like a school boy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nods and pulls a piece of parchment out of one of his pockets. Shige pulls out a similar piece out of one of his own pockets. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Show us yours and we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll show you ours.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sounds familiar, ne?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Akanishi purrs, and Yamapi scowls at the shiver that works its way down his spine. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the same map!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Koyama says, peering over Shige\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder as he and the schoolboy pirate compare. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s strange, ne.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hey, but yours has the corner that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s torn off ours!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the tortured pirate looks marginally less tortured. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153And yours has the part that Koyama accidentally burned off of ours,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Shige nods. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not allowed to smoke anymore,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Koyama ruefully explains to the pirate with the completely unnecessary blond ponytail, who comments that Koyama must be too hot to handle.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153See?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yamapi says triumphantly, if a bit breathlessly because Akanishi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sneaky pirate fingers are working their way under his shirt. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Working together is always best. Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s go!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
With a now completed map, the group strolls back into town, half of them silent and stealthy, the other half jangling like a reindeer at a jingle bell expo. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Here we are!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Shige pulls to a halt, face buried in the map, and the eleven pirates and ninjas behind him all nearly slam into his back. <\/p>\n
Everyone looks up to see that they are in fact standing in front of a ramenya called \u00e2\u20ac\u0153X Marks the Spot.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even say it,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Shige sighs, and Masuda just grins and shoves him towards the door. <\/p>\n
Inside, a serving girl dressed like a pirate wench greets them, then elbows another girl in similar attire. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153See?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she says, beaming proudly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I told you those treasure map flyers would bring in more customers!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153This can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be healthy,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the normal-looking pirate grumbles, poking at a gyoza, and Masuda laughs and shoves the last bite of his own gyoza in his new friend\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mouth. He nearly chokes to death on it a second later when a red-faced Koyama tells the joke about the ninja and the banana-shaped nunchucks. <\/p>\n
Yamapi grins happily at the rest of his squad, mixed with Akanishi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s pirates, from his position reclining on the bench with his head in Akanishi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s lap. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Working together is definitely best, yo.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Akanishi hums noncommittally and feeds Yamapi another bite of food while he calls for another round of drinks. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re still the worst ninja leader ever,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ryo says, although it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have much heat to it since Tegoshi is leaning on him, cheeks pink and eyes bright from grog, using Ryo\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s kunai to pick at Ryo\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s food. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Give me one good reason ninjas and pirates should ever hang out?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yamapi grins up at Akanishi, with his scarves and his dangly earrings and his wiles, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153you ever done it on a boat?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
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