\nRating\/Warnings<\/b>: PG-13 for extensive prop closet jokes.
\nSummary<\/b>: Sanada wants to spy on Hasshi, and Nozawa is tormented by kouhai.
\nAN<\/b>: For blahchiharu<\/a>, who wanted Sanada and Nozawa investigating Hasshi but then failed to come up with a compelling reason why. Also, ‘getting to C’ is like the base system, as in “I got to third base with her.” Like the American system, exactly what A, B, or C is is rather fluid, but D is as high as I’ve ever heard somebody getting. <\/p>\n
Getting to (AB)C<\/b><\/p>\n
Romance in the Jimusho wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t all it was cracked up to be, Nozawa was discovering. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153So,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Takahata wanted to know, beaming up at Nozawa with the rest of B.I.Shadow hanging around behind him shamelessly eavesdropping, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153how far have you gotten with Sanada-kun?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Excuse me?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa scowled down at them, about the only thing his new-found height was good for. Apparently it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even good for that, since Takahata just went on grinning up at him, not cowed in the slightest. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You know,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Takahata elbowed Nozawa, winking. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re cute enough, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s definitely tried something right, right?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cheeks heated and he hurried to get changed the rest of the way into his practice clothes so that he could escape. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Aw, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s blushing!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Takahata crowed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s true then!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I heard you two got to C in the prop closet,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nakajima spoke up from the floor, where he was tying his shoelaces. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No, that wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t them,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Tanaka Jyuuri put in from a few yards away, voice muffled by the huge T-shirt he was tugging over his head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not even sure Sanada-kun knows what getting to C is.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Stop it all of you!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa snapped, cheeks now blazing. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We definitely haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been in the prop closet, and I certainly wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t tell you all if we had, and you<\/i>,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa loomed a little more threateningly over Jyuuri than he had over Takahata, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153you better knock it off or I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll tell Koki-kun exactly how much you know about getting to C.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Pfft,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jyuuri replied after Nozawa had stormed out without even stopping to put his sneakers. He shrugged when Nakajima looked up at him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Who do you think taught me what C is in the first place?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153The kouhai picking on you again, Nokkun?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada teased when Nozawa slunk out to the practice area, cheeks still hot and grumpy because he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d left his water bottle behind and refused to go back into the dressing room to get it. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shut up, you,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa growled, dropping to sit beside Sanada on the pile of mats and stealing his water bottle without asking. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s your fault. They think we got to C in the prop closet.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Somebody\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been getting a lot farther than C in there, but it sure hasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been with me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada batted his eyelashes at Nozawa, giving him a pout. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Are you cheating on me, Yuu-chan?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Go fuck yourself, Yuuma-pi,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa hummed in reply. He recapped the water bottle but didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t give it back. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t care that they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re talking about us like that?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I might care if it were true,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada snorted, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153except then I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be too busy getting some to care. Anyway, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got something much more important to talk to you about.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s that?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa asked gamely, glad for the change in topic.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I think Hasshi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s doing it with the senpai.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada crossed his arms dramatically. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa gave Sanada a glance. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He is not.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No, no, listen!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada insisted. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Have you watched him dance lately? He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6you know<\/i>.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada gave a little hiproll with a suggestive lowering of his eyelids. <\/p>\n
Nozawa looked away quickly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s always danced like that. Anyway, what do you care if he is?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I just don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like it,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada started picking at the plastic edge of the mat with his fingers, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153that the senpai get to borrow our innocent little Hasshi and do a bunch of things to him and what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll happen when they get bored with him in the end?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yuuma,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa blinked, laying a hand on Sanada\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s arm, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I had no idea you were so concerned about\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll get him back damaged goods, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll happen,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada scowled. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6yourself,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa finished, pinching Sanada\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s arm until he yelped. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We might not get him back at all, you know. And anyway, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re crazy. A.B.C.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s too old for Hasshi, they aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like that. Now if he were in Kisumai, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d start worrying.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153We should investigate!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada hopped off the mats. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Investigate what?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa demanded as Sanada grabbed his hands and dragged him to his feet.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Exactly!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada beamed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Come on!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re a moron,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa grumbled to Sanada as they slipped into Ebikisu\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s practice area on the pretense of asking somebody or other a question. Nozawa asked in a low voice exactly who they were asking what again, trying to find out what few details Sanada\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s half-baked plan contained.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shh, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m investigating!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada hissed back, pretending to inspect himself in the practice room\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mirrored wall, while actually watching over his reflection\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder as Kawai and Tsuka were trying to spot Hasshi through a backbend.<\/p>\n
Nobody was paying them the slightest bit of attention, and Nozawa watched openly as Hasshi collapsed, dragging all three of them into a giggling heap. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Can I help you two?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d A voice interrupted, and Nozawa looked up to see Fujigaya had skated up beside them and was now regarding them with a raised eyebrow. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yuuki had a question,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada said, pretending to fluff his hair. Or maybe not pretending. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been wondering, Fujigaya-kun,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa suppressed the dirty look he wanted to give Sanada and schooled his face into an expression of kouhai interest, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153how you get your hair to do that, exactly.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Fujigaya\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s expression thawed and he slung an arm over Nozawa\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153if it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s that sort of advice, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve definitely come to the right person, Nozawa-kun!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You owe me so big,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa growled at Sanada when he finally managed to drag both of them from the room. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do you have any idea how many non-indicated uses of hair gel I can name now?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153But we didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really find anything out though,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada complained. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153All they really did was practice together.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s because that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all they actually do!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa gave Sanada the full force of the dirty look he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been holding in while Fujigaya nattered on about the dangers of wool hats. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what we ought to be doing, in fact! We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re at work, you realize!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153We ARE at work!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada exclaimed, face lighting up. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yuuki, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re a genius!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I am?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa asked. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Then why am I dating you again?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153We need to follow them outside of work too!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada continued, rubbing his hands in glee, and Nozawa slapped a hand to his forehead. <\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153See?!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada hissed as he peered over his menu at Hasshi happily chattering away at Kawai and Goseki on the other side of the Italian place. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153This is clearly a date!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Or Hasshi and Kawai clearly eat like gluttonous cows and this place refills the breadsticks endlessly?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa suggested instead, slouching down farther into his seat and wondering if his own breadstick was sharp enough to kill himself.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Are you two ready to order yet?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the waitress inquired, voice bored, and when Nozawa looked up, she was tapping her long nails against her hip. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sorry,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa gave her long-suffering eyes, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153my girlfriend is very indecisive.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Sanada opened his mouth to protest, and Nozawa kicked him under the table so that he shut his mouth with a snap. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Whatever.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The waitress gave Nozawa a steely eye before turning on her heel to check her other tables.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not the girl!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada said when she was gone, and Nozawa just gave him a withering glance. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Anyway, pay attention! Goseki-kun is clearly buttering up Hasshi with fine cuisine to make his move!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153If you wanted to butter Hasshi up for anything, it wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take fine cuisine, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d take maybe an onigiri.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa eyed the menu a little more closely. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153How much cash do you have on you?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re really cold, Yuuki.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada stuck his tongue out at Nozawa. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you care at all that the bendy and experienced senpai are taking advantage of our pretty, innocent friend?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I care that if we don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t order something soon we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to get kicked out of this restaurant,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa shot back, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153and also that if I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get home before my curfew my mother is going to make it so that I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get to C until I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m SMAP\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s age!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Here you go,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the waitress said, dropping two plates of pasta in front of them, interrupting. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I took the liberty of ordering you the special, and also bringing your check. Let me know if I can get you anything else!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She gave them a sharp smile and sauntered off. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Just give me your wallet,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa sighed.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nothing in it besides a KAT-TUN phone card,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada informed him, shoveling a forkful of pasta into his mouth. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hey, this is really good!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sooo,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kikuchi wanted to know as soon as Nozawa arrived at the Jimusho the next day. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153How was your big date?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153My what<\/i>?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa demanded, in no mood for games after being scolded by his mother for missing curfew, and then nearly having his phone confiscated at school when Sanada wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t stop sending him mails about all the positions acrobatic senpai might have already taught Hasshi. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Your date!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kikuchi snickered. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Italian, ne? Ve~ry romantic! You and Sana-chan are pretty rabu-rabu these days, ne ne?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Me and Sana-chan<\/i>,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa replied acidly, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t quite on speaking terms at the moment.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d And then he stomped off in the other direction before Kikuchi could answer. <\/p>\n
Unfortunately, as soon as he rounded the corner, he saw Sanada strolling up the hallway. Before Nozawa could turn back around, Sanada waved and bustled up to Nozawa.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada started, blissfully unaware that Nozawa wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t speaking to him, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153so I was thinking today the best time to observe would definitely be\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153NO!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa bellowed, forgetting all about the silent treatment. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No more spying!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153But why not?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada wanted to know. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Why not?!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa demanded in disbelief. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m broke, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m grounded, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been scarred for life<\/i>, and also, oh yeah, I do not in any way care if Hasshi is doing it with senpai from A.B.C. or any other unit!<\/i>\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Sanada stared at Nozawa with big eyes, while Nozawa took a deep breath and tried to regain even a minimal amount of his composure. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I mean, really!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa continued. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What do YOU care so much for?! And don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t feed me some line about being worried about Hasshi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s innocence, because assuming he does have some left, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d trade it in three seconds flat for a melon Kit-Kat and a solo page in Myojo<\/i>!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Sanada quailed a little under Nozawa\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s glare and fiddled with the hem of his shirt. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada finally said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hasshi gets to do everything first.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa asked.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153He gets a big fancy unit and a unit name,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada kicked at the floor, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153and concerts, and to hang out with Tackey-kun and to talk a lot during interviews, and everything!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yuuma,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa, caught off-guard, felt his anger start to ebb away, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll probably get those things too, sooner or later.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153But Hasshi gets them first<\/i>,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada insisted, looking up to pout angrily at Nozawa. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He gets to do everything first, so why should sex be any different!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Is THAT what this is all about?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa asked, annoyance returning in full force, because sometimes Sanada was so stupid<\/i>. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve had me running all over the place, making a fool out of myself because you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re afraid Hasshi will lose his virginity before you do?!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well..\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada scratched the back of his neck. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah, I guess.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa snarled, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153are a MORON.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
And then he grabbed two fistfuls of Sanada\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shirt and yanked him close enough to kiss him roughly, rough enough to make Sanada squeak before his eyes fluttered shut. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Because,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa growled when he broke the kiss just far enough to suck in some air, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I can fix that real easy.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Nozawa almost called the whole thing off when they stumbled in the closest unlocked door and it turned out to be the prop closet, but then Sanada yanked his shirt off and Nozawa figured that if everybody was already talking about it, maybe he ought to at least get something out of it for once. <\/p>\n
Slamming the door shut, Nozawa pulled Sanada close again, kissing him until Sanada was pressing him tight against the door, and then locking his arms around Sanada\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s neck for the leverage to get his legs up around Sanada\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s waist. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I thought I was the girl,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada gasped, hooking hands under Nozawa\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s thighs and groaning shamelessly as he rocked their hips together. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want you complaining you lost the wrong virginity or anything ridiculous,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa said, then leaned in to whisper in Sanada\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ear, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153so we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll have to do it both ways. Ladies first~.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not a single word.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nozawa held up a hand before B.I.Shadow could even get a word out when he and Sanada finally got back to the dressing room, Sanada slinking over to his bag with a stiff gait and pink cheeks. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153C?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Nakajima whispered to Kikuchi and Takahata, but both of them shook their heads. All three turned to Jyuuri. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Niichan hasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t taught me that letter yet,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jyuuri shrugged, the motion making his huge jacket rustle. <\/p>\n
Nozawa just gave all of them a condescending smile before strolling over to his own bag, slapping Sanada\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ass on the way by and smirking when Sanada yelped.<\/p>\n
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