\nRating\/Warnings<\/b>: PG for…well, they all seem to change a lot. idk.
\nSummary<\/b>: Takaki, Sanada, Kamei, Shoon, Koyama, and Nozawa all tell Hasshi things he doesn’t really want to hear.
\nAN<\/b>: Thanks to blahchiharu<\/a> for the JJ Express help, and also for procreational<\/a> who loves the jrs as much as I do. <\/p>\n
The Highest Form of Flattery<\/b><\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Like who?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Takaki laughs, then looks down and notices Hasshi hanging around. He scrunches Hasshi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hair. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hasshi-kun\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s much more like Akanishi-kun than I am.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
It makes Hasshi beam for the rest of the day, both the attention from Takaki and the comparison to one of his favorite senpai. It doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t escape Takaki\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s notice, since Takaki often dotes on J.J. Express\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s youngest member, and it becomes sort of an in-joke between them. Whenever Hasshi seems down, Takaki casually mentions that he bets Akanishi-kun wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t frown like that, or if Hasshi struggles with a dance, Takaki will suppose out loud that even Akanishi-kun must have off days, making Hasshi narrow his eyes and redouble his efforts. <\/p>\n
When they find out Takaki and Arioka are leaving not just for now but for good, and that they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re taking Inoo with them, Hasshi tries to keep his face happy for them, his voice even as he congratulates them. <\/p>\n
Takaki sees right through it, of course, and pulls Hasshi aside, putting his body between Hasshi and the others so that nobody else will see the tears already welling up in Hasshi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes. Hasshi hugs Takaki tight, like he used to when he was much smaller, and buries his face in Takaki\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shirt. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want you to go,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he mumbles. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s only part of the hurt, but it seems like the most important at this particular moment. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I know.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Takaki lets Hasshi cling a moment longer, then puts firm hands on his shoulders to push him back. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I bet Akanishi-kun wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t cry like a trainee in front of his unit, though.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Hasshi opens his mouth to retort that that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s because Akanishi-kun still has<\/i> a unit, but then he sees the fear and the sadness in Takaki\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes, sees how hard Takaki is working to keep his gentle smile in place for them, for him, and Hasshi shuts his mouth again. <\/p>\n
He uses the cuffs of his long-sleeved T-shirt to wipe his eyes, then he gives Takaki his best cocky Akanishi smile, and Takaki ruffles his hair affectionately. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the same smile he gives Takaki every time they pass in the hallway in the following weeks, the smile that gets Takaki to smile back through the exhaustion lining his face. It still hurts, but the hurt doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help anything, so he practices his Akanishi-grin in the mirror until it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s perfect, and he starts giving the smile to others too, to Kamei and Asaka and Fukka. <\/p>\n
It gets easier each time he does it. <\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Kamei isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t particularly amused by the little game they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re playing, him and Hasshi and Sanada, but he doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem to want to put up a fight about it either. Much. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I just don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t see why I have to be Kame-kun,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he grumbles while they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re stretching, and Hasshi thinks that his real objection is just that Kamei doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Seishun Amigo\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t thrilled about it being their song on Shounen Club for this filming. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Because Sanada\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cool like Yamapi-kun,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hasshi responds, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Akanishi-kun,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kamei interrupts wearily. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We know, we know.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Hasshi doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mind, grinning back at Kamei\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s resigned face. Sanada doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem to mind either, although occasionally he comments mildly that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a little disturbing how happy the Jimusho is to jam them into molds that have worked well for them in the past. <\/p>\n
Hasshi just shrugs. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fun, doing Akanishi-kun\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s dances and singing his songs. KAT-TUN has the coolest songs anyway, Hasshi thinks, and they sound good doing them, so what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the harm? <\/p>\n
They look good doing them too, if the audience response at Shounen Club filmings is any indication, and it eases the knot in Hasshi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chest a little more each time it happens. Popularity means they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll get to keep doing it, get to stay together, won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get left behind.<\/p>\n
Hasshi tries not to think about that so much. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s easier, now that JUMP aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t regular members of the Shounen Club cast anymore. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Why do you like it so much?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kamei finally demands at the end of a long practice, testy after being told off by the choreographer for calling Kame-kun\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s moves girly affectations. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you ever just want to be yourself?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s easier,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hasshi answers, and he means that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s easier to watch a bunch of Akanishi clips and imitate what he sees than to figure out who he even is these days, that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s easier to keep his mouth shut and let the Jimusho do what they want with him. <\/p>\n
He doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to get into all that with Kamei, though, so Hasshi just adds, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Plus, Akanishi-kun is really cool, ne?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and gives him the big Akanishi grin, knowing that it will make Kamei turn away with an indulgent \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Tcht\u00e2\u20ac\u009d so they can both finish changing. <\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Yamashita Shoon and Hasshi aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t friends, exactly, the age gap is far too wide for that. But Hasshi likes Shoon-kun, because he treats him like a little brother, because Shoon was one of the first to recognize Hasshi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Akanishi impression for what it was, and because Shoon understands about being left behind, about keeping your smile on no matter what. <\/p>\n
They don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t talk about it, not in so many words, but sometimes when Hasshi is feeling down, Shoon lets Hasshi sit next to him quietly. Sometimes they chat about KAT-TUN\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s newest single or the episode of Yukan Club<\/i> that was on television last night. <\/p>\n
After Kamei leaves, Hasshi spends a lot of time with Shoon. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you think Sanada-kun is wondering where you are?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Shoon asks gently when Hasshi shows up for the third day running to the room where Shoon is helping teach the tiniest juniors the opening dance to this month\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Shounen Club. <\/p>\n
Hasshi shakes his head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t got our medley assignment yet.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ah.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Shoon helps someone who barely comes up to Hasshi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s waist turn his smock around the right way. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I heard you had vocal practice with Nozawa-kun this week.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nice,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hasshi nods, sorting out another junior he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s never seen before. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s quiet, but he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got a good voice.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Guess he won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be your new Kame then,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Shoon remarks, making Hasshi splutter a giggle at the casual impudence of the statement. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not sure who he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hasshi admits, and another thing he likes about Shoon is that he doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t ever question how easily Hasshi lets himself be shaped into Akanishi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s footsteps.<\/p>\n
Shoon sends off the last of the juniors with a sigh of relief, then turns to give Hasshi a gentle smile that reminds him of Takaki, even though Shoon has to tilt his head up to do it.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Maybe,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he says, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be your Nozawa. A Nozawa would probably go well with a Sanada and a Hashimoto, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you think?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Unsure how to respond, Hasshi defaults to the pout that serves him well with most senpai. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Akanishi-kun\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s more popular, yo.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hasshi-kun\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s pretty popular too these days, I hear,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Shoon replies, and then he turns back to the juniors and gets back to business before Hasshi can answer. Hasshi stays to help out, and although the juniors keep them busy, Shoon gives Hasshi an encouraging smile every time he catches his eye. <\/p>\n
It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a little different than the smile Shoon gives the juniors who negotiate their costumes without help and the ones that are still tripping over their own feet. The smile Shoon gives Hasshi has a touch of empathy in it, and it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s wider when Hasshi forgets to smile coyly and instead laughs his own laugh. <\/p>\n
Hasshi doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t come by the next day, and so doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t see Shoon\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s smile at its widest. <\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
When Koyama runs through the August medley assignments, everyone chuckles at Hasshi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s \u00e2\u20ac\u0153WOOHOO\u00e2\u20ac\u009d of glee that it will be nothing but KAT-TUN, except for Shige-kun who mainly seems confused. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You really like Akanishi-kun, huh?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Shige asks, looking Hasshi up and down from his haircut to the shirt tied around his waist. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yup!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hasshi chirps, too thoroughly pleased with his assignment of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Signal\u00e2\u20ac\u009d to notice the way Koyama is eyeing him as well. <\/p>\n
He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s surprised when Koyama asks if he wants to do the Heisei Post segment with Shige-kun, but any chance to stand out is good, and Hasshi accepts right away, of course. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s even more surprised when one of the letters has to do with him alone, surprised enough that he has a hard time keeping his cool expression on, and the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Really?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d slips out of his mouth without him being able to stop it. <\/p>\n
He gets fan mail, sure, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a different story to be spotlighted on camera like that. It buoys him up through the medley, makes today\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s filming seem like fun instead of work, makes it easy to joke around with the others and smile blindingly when the camera\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s on him. For today, for right now, there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no place and nobody else that Hasshi would rather be. <\/p>\n
But for all the glitter of it, Hasshi isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t near as much of a flake as he acts, and he knows who picks out those letters. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Koyama-kun?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hasshi asks Koyama afterwards, catching him as he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s helping some staff pack away mics and headsets. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Can I ask you something?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sure, Hasshi-kun.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Koyama straightens up and dusts his hands off, smiling at Hasshi. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s up?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Why\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d you pick that letter?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hasshi chews his lip, wondering if he sounds ungrateful, but Koyama\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s smile just softens a little. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I just didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want Hasshi-kun to forget,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Koyama says, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153that Akanishi-kun is all well and good, but around here, we think Hashimoto-kun is cool too.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Hasshi fiddles with the hem of his shirt. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You know, people keep telling me things like that. But it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s going okay like this, you know?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153But it felt better, right?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Koyama asks, putting a hand on Hasshi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153When the letter had your name in it?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Hasshi chews his lip harder, not sure about anything except that he wishes he were small enough to get a hug from Koyama again, rather than of a height with the man. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hasshi-kun is growing up, ne?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Koyama continues when Hasshi doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t answer. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And I think you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re just about old enough to start seeing that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s good to admire your senpai, but sooner or later it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s important to figure out what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s worth paying attention to about yourself. Even though that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s much harder. Okay?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay, Koyama-kun,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hasshi answers, even though he doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really understand it all yet, but Koyama is the sort of person you want to agree with just so he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll give you his warmest, most encouraging smile. <\/p>\n
Fortunately for Hasshi, Koyama is also the sort of person who doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mind hugging you when you need it no matter how tall you get. <\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not that Hasshi doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t appreciate Nozawa\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s effort, or even that he doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t realize that Nozawa is totally right 99% of the time when he tries to talk Hasshi out of something, but Hasshi is just not in the mood for it when Nozawa starts in on him about the Akanishi thing too, right in the middle of Summary. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even know what you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re asking me to do!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he snaps, too exhausted to be anything but terribly blunt. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even know me before they started telling me to do Akanishi-kun\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s stuff! You weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t here when they took Takaki and Dai-chan and Inoo-chan away! You weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t here when Asaka left, and you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re only here now because they took Taku away too!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Hasshi barely even knows what he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s talking about any more, half-dressed and shouting at Nozawa in the dressing room, everybody else edging away and pretending not to hear. But now that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got going, he can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t stop, like he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been holding it in all this time, since Takaki asked him to. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153So maybe I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really want to be Hashimoto-kun so much, okay?!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he goes on. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Because Akanishi-kun is cool and popular and has a unit<\/i>, whereas Hashimoto-kun loses all his friends and cries like a little kid! Half the time I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even know who Hashimoto-kun is<\/i> any more,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hasshi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s voice cracks, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153and the only thing I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m totally sure of is that not infrequently, being Hashimoto-kun SUCKS.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Hasshi falls silent, chest heaving unevenly, feeling close to tears and already embarrassed by his outburst. Nozawa, though, is still standing right next to him, watching him calmly. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m here now,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he says, apparently not offended at all. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And all I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m saying is that they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve already got an Akanishi-kun, and he seems like a lot of trouble, so I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really see what they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d want with another one. And in case you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve missed the last dozen Summary performances, Hashimoto-kun has a unit again.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
And then Nozawa goes on changing like nothing\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s happened, and after closing his dangling jaw, Hasshi does the same, although he does grumble for form\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sake that nothing\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s guaranteed just because they introduce you that way during a summer concert.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You seem happier,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanada comments as they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re walking out to catch their rides home, and then because he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s well-versed in the ways of his possibly-unit at this point, asks, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What did Nozawa say to you?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Hasshi does feel lighter, less like he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s going to split his own skin than he has in a long time, but he doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t feel like explaining at all, so instead he just gives Sanada a big smile without worrying whose smile it looks like, and informs him sweetly, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Your perm doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t look anything like Yamapi-kun\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
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