Kingdom Hearts, The Princess of Heart and the Frogs

Title: The Princess of Heart and the Frogs [Sora/Riku Roxas]
Rating/Warnings: G
Summary: Sora brings Riku and Roxas to New Orleans and promptly loses them, Roxas is tired of accidentally being dragged on their dates, and Riku makes a surprisingly cute cursed frog? Princess and the Frog crossover.
AN: Written for Shiritori. I rewatched The Princess and the Frog and spent a while trying to decide who the funniest combination of frogs would possibly be. It’s definitely Riku and Roxas, where Riku is still fumbling his way towards confession to Sora incredibly slowly, and Roxas’s entire life is difficult. My favorite part of this is the seagull joke, just so you know.

The Princess of Heart and the Frogs

Time had a weirdly elastic quality on Gummi ships, which meant that Roxas didn’t honestly know whether he’d been enjoying his delightful position as third wheel for an hour or for several years. Maybe he’d at least come back to Twilight Town taller, even if it meant he had to repeat a grade. Maybe everything would be less annoying if Sora stopped obliviously inviting Roxas along on things without understanding they were supposed to be dates.

“Do you think that’s the kind of meteor I can shoot apart before we bounce off it?” Sora was asking, dragging Roxas’s attention up to the windshield.

“Let’s not find out,” Riku advised from the co-pilot’s seat. He shot a glance over his shoulder which turned apologetic when he caught Roxas’s eye. Roxas rolled his eyes. Riku turned back just in time to see Sora had opted for shooting. “Sora!”

“It’s fine! See?” Sora shrugged off their concern as the meteor broke apart at the last second. Roxas tried not to think about the sound of meteor pieces pinging off the outside of the Gummi ship. “Anyway, so you two are gonna love Tiana’s Place! I promised Little Chef I’d bring back some recipes so I’m gonna hang out in the kitchen with her for the afternoon. If you guys aren’t into that, the city’s really cool! There’s tons of musicians and street performers and…”

Roxas tuned out the rest of their conversation, Sora’s excited chattering and Riku’s intermittent hum of interest or question. Riku was out of his own chair in the relative peace of mid-trip, leaning his hip against Sora’s chair, Sora looking up every time Riku spoke, Riku smiling every time Sora laughed. From his short distance away, it was obvious how they were leaning towards each other, and Roxas wondered with exasperation just what it was going to take for one of them to freaking confess already.

“You’re a menace,” Riku said fondly. “Who let you in this captain’s chair?”

“Like to see you sit in it,” Sora retorted, before his brain caught up with his mouth. “Uh. Not while I’m in it. Obviously. Or you’d be in my lap.”

“Yeah, no, that wasn’t what I…uh,” Riku cleared his throat.

“Hey! Watch the road up there!” Roxas interrupted, not interested in slamming headfirst into the next meteor filling the windshield. Sora’s quick jerk to the side squished Roxas against the side of his chair and practically tipped Riku into his lap after all. “Uuurgh.”

Eventually Sora got them landed in one piece on the edge of the city. Gummi ship safely hidden near the docks, Sora led them into town at an excited trot, Riku having to grab the back of his hoodie at corners so he didn’t get run over in the street by the trolley.

“Ooh, we should take the trolley somewhere later!” Sora said, bouncing on his heels a little as they waited for the intersection to clear.

“Where does it go?” Riku asked. The trolley trundled past, bell dinging cheerfully.

“All over!” Sora waved happily at the people on the trolley, grinning when a little girl waved back. “You can see the whole city!”

“Gosh, let’s just stay here for a year,” Roxas said; he rode the Twilight Town Tram enough not to be that impressed with one little trolley. Sora dragged Riku off the curb and Roxas followed behind, glancing around. There was a lot of noise coming from somewhere, snatches of music and cheering, but Roxas couldn’t see from where. By the time they were halfway down the block, he could barely hear Sora and Riku talking in front of him. “What’s all that racket?”

He had his answer when they got to the next intersection and found a crowd of people lined up, cheering and watching up the block expectantly. The sound of music was louder, and when they stood on their toes they could see brass instruments flashing in the sun.

“Oh wow, it’s a parade!” Sora shouted over the noise. The first band in the parade was just crossing the intersection onto their block, with enough people stretched out behind them that Roxas couldn’t see the end of it. “Let’s get a better look!”

“Hey, slow down!” Riku protested as Sora pushed forward to slip through the crowd, looking for a better vantage point. “Sora!”

“Come on, Riku!”

Something else was bugging Roxas, but there was too much noise and bustle for him to figure out what. He twisted to look this way and that, trying to keep Sora and Riku in sight in the blur of faces. He felt uneasy, something that definitely wasn’t parade excitement making his heart skip. It wasn’t quite a noise and it wasn’t quite a smell…

“Roxas!” Riku grabbed Roxas’s wrist, snapping his attention back and yanking him through a gap in the crowd that had been just about cut them off from each other.

“Riku, there’s something wrong,” Roxas tried to tell him, but Riku was already facing away, the roar of the crowd and an over-enthusiastic trumpet swallowing Roxas’s words. Roxas tugged on Riku’s grip. “Riku! Listen to me!”

Riku pulled Roxas harder, yanking him along, struggling to keep Sora in sight. “Sora, will you stop?

“We should cross the street!” Sora hollered over his shoulder. “Or we’ll be stuck over here ages until it’s passed!” Riku and Roxas both looked from Sora to the band only a dozen steps from them. “Run for it!”

“Wait!” Riku made one desperate grab for Sora’s sleeve and just missed it. He tried to dash after him, but Roxas was still dragging in the other direction, trying to figure out what was making him so uneasy. He sighed in aggravation as he watched Sora dart across the pavement just in front of the parade. Riku caught one glimpse of Sora turning around and realizing they weren’t behind him before the band cut off his line of sight. “Great, he’s gone.”

“Forget that idiot!” Roxas stood on his tiptoes to yell closer to Riku’s ear. “There’s something here!”

“There’s what?” Riku asked. Giving up on explanation, Roxas turned and dragged Riku back out of the crowd, around the corner so he could at least think for a second. Riku was dragging his feet and twisting to try and see where Sora had gone, still arguing.

“Shut up!” Roxas snapped. He squeezed his eyes shut and concentrated, and yeah, something on the edge of his senses was wrong creepy nearby. “Stop moving! Focus!”

Riku finally did, going still and drawing in a deep breath through his nose.

“You can smell it, right?” Roxas pressed. Riku nodded. “Can you tell which way?”

They circled around the block, parallel to the parade route, following the feeling to an alley between two of the buildings, so narrow that no sunlight reached in. Roxas summoned his keyblade, creating at least a little light in front of him, and Riku nodded and fell into step behind him.

“Hey!” Roxas called into the alley. A shriek, cut off suddenly, wafted out, followed by a high-pitched giggle. Roxas dashed in without waiting for anything else.

Behind him Riku’s quick cast of Spark threw enough light for Roxas to get a look at the depths of the alleyway. A trio of shadows hovered menacingly over a panicked young women, looking closer to unversed than heartless, two-dimensional and stuck to the wall, but their jagged claws and teeth were real all the same. Roxas hurled his keyblade, and it struck the brick with a shower of sparks between the shadows and the woman.

“Hey! Back off!” Roxas yelled, catching his keyblade on ricochet as he ran. He reached the woman and yanked her up by the elbow, then thrust her back towards Riku without looking. “Get out of here!”

“You’ll be sorry,” one shadow hissed, another echoing, “Ssssorry ssssorry.” Roxas held his keyblade over his head, humming with energy, but the brighter light just made the shadows stretch higher up the wall. The one in the middle grew tallest of all, taking on the distorted shape of a very tall man with a very tall hat.

“Little boys ought to mind their own business,” that shadow crooned, making the hair on the back of Roxas’s neck rise.

“Get back!” Riku shouted behind him, but Roxas gritted his teeth and fired off a Fira. The shadow man simply curled around it, the fireball scorching the brick.

“In fact,” suddenly the shadow man was peeling itself off the brick, curling over Roxas’s head, “little boys should be seen and not heard!”

Roxas swung and hit air; a burst of green light blinded him and sent him to his knees, vertigo upending everything on his way down. His ears rang, the wind knocked out of him, and it took a few seconds for him to realize that his eyes actually were open, it was just dark.

And soft? Roxas flailed at what seemed like fabric covering him until he finally managed to yank his head free, gulping down fresh if somewhat humid air. There was a giant frog standing in front of him.

“Well, this is new,” the frog said. Roxas screamed and scrambled backwards; his legs were still caught in his fabric prison so he only fell over on his side. The frog rolled its eyes. “Oh, shut up. You’re not exactly a picture yourself right now.”

Roxas knew that voice. Roxas knew that eye roll and those impatient folded arms. “Riku? Why are you a giant frog?”

“Any second now,” Riku said. He was the same bright green as his eyes, and not wearing any clothes, because he was standing in a pile of his too-big clothes and…Roxas looked down and realized his feet were trapped in a pile of his own clothes, and also green.

The rest of him was also green. And Riku wasn’t giant, they were both tiny. “What the fuck?! I’m a frog!”

“There we go,” Riku sighed.

“Why am I a frog?!” Roxas demanded, patting himself down, panic turning the ends of half his words into ribbits. “Are you kidding me? Are you KIDDING me?! You! This is all your fault!”

“Why’s it my fault?” Riku asked, frowning.

“I’m not even supposed to be here, that’s why!” Roxas struggled to his feet, kicking angrily at his shirt and stubbing his webbed toes on his zipper. “This is your fault because you won’t just tell Sora this was supposed to be a date so I got dragged along again! I’ve had this body like a month and now it’s a frog!” Roxas held his hands out scrunching up his face in disgust at the goo stretching between his fingers. “Look at it! It’s all slimy!”

“It’s mucus,” Riku corrected.

“I DON’T CARE!” Roxas roared back. “FIX IT!”

“First of all, calm down,” Riku said, in that flat know-it-all tone that made Roxas want to do anything but calm down. “And stop inflating your throat pouch at me, it’s not intimidating.”

“I’m not exactly in control of it,” Roxas huffed.

“We’ll just call Sora and tell him what happened, and then we’ll figure it out, ok?” Riku started rooting around in his clothes, pushing this way and that until he got to the right pocket. It took a minute’s worth of effort for him to work the large phone out of his pocket, during which Roxas watched instead of offering to help. “All right, here we…hm.”

“Hm?” Roxas echoed. “What?”

“It’s, uh, locked on fingerprint recognition,” Riku said sheepishly. Roxas gave him the dirtiest possible look he could, which probably was serious with a frog face. “Oh, shut up. What’s your brilliant idea, huh? It’s your turn.”

“Uuugh,” Roxas groaned. He tried summoning his keyblade; when it appeared in his hand, size correctly relative to his own, Roxas felt calmer even though he doubted it was big enough to so much as unlock Xion’s diary this way. “He’s going to that restaurant, right? Tiana’s Place?”

“Right, yeah.” Riku squared his shoulders, which meant, as a frog, that he was still an oval. “Let’s head there. When he can’t find us, that’s probably where he’ll go.”

Roxas kicked at his heap of clothes. “What about these?”

They ended up casting Mini on everything and jamming it all into Roxas’s backpack, Roxas grumbling about getting slime all over it as he tried to figure out how to even hold a backpack on his sloping, slick frog shoulders. When it was as good as it was getting, they hopped to the end of the alleyway and looked out, watching the foot traffic go by. At a suitable break, they retraced their steps back towards the intersection where they’d lost Sora, hugging the wall to keep from getting stepped on. The parade had passed on by now, but they didn’t see Sora among the lingering people on the other side of the street.

“No good.” Riku dropped back to a crouch in the shadow of a box where Roxas and he were hiding. “We should go in the direction Sora was heading, I guess. I can’t even read the street signs from down here.”

“There’s a boyfriend joke in here about refusing to ask directions,” Roxas said.

Riku frowned at him. “We’re frogs, Roxas. Who are we going to ask, exactly?”

“You talk to a mouse all the time.” Roxas pointed up, to the overhang of the building they were next to, where a bored-looking stork was settled. “That guy can fly, so he can probably see everything. Hey! Bird!”

“Wait!” Riku hissed. “Storks eat frogs!”

“You’re a keyblade master, will you man up? Frog up, whatever. Hi! Can you help us, please!”

“Eh?” The stork turned one beady eye down at them, and in spite of his bluff, Roxas did feel a twist of primal frog unease in his stomach. “What’s all the fuss down there?”

“We’re trying to find Tiana’s Place!” Roxas called up. “Do you know where that is?”

“Course I do! Everyone does, she throws the best breadcrumbs out the back.” The stork lifted a wing to point down the street, in the direction that the parade had passed. “Straight down that way, left at the pier. Big yellow sugar mill, can’t miss it. Five minutes as the crow flies. Or the stork.”

“Great! Thanks.” Roxas slapped a hand against Riku’s chest, wincing when it stuck. “See? Easy. Free good boyfriend lesson, just for you.”

“He’s still staring at us,” Riku said.

“Course that’s an awful long way for two little frogs in the sun,” the stork continued, ruffling up his feathers like he was thinking about getting up. “If you two want a free ride, you can hop in my beak? What do you say?”

“Uh, thanks but no thanks,” Roxas said quickly, yanking Riku along and hopping in the direction the stork had pointed. “Riku, hurry up!”

The stork seemed too lazy to follow them, thankfully, but his assessment of how quickly two frogs could travel busy city blocks was unfortunately correct. Both of them were panting hard and unpleasantly dry by the time they paused at the next corner. A couple Watera spells only improved things while they were crouched in the shadow of a building, both of them dreading another length of hot pavement and sharp shoes.

“There has to be a better way to do this, this will take forever,” Riku panted. Roxas was too out of breath to say anything sharp back, but his eyes were looking in every direction at once, which was another weird thing about being a frog. That was the reason he spotted the trolley a block up, the dinging of its bell drawing his attention.

“The trolley!” Roxas realized. “It’s coming down the block in the right direction! Come on!”

It was a touchy plan, having to wait until the last second to try and hop on so they wouldn’t get stomped on by the people boarding, judging the distance across the sidewalk.

“Wait for it,” Riku counseled, both of them hunched down like coiled springs. “Wait for it…now!”

“Shit shit shit,” Roxas ribbited the entire hair-raising sprint, barely dodging a yapping dog and having to spring off a pair of Mary Jane’s to make it up the trolley step. A second more and it was over, both of them hunched in the blessed shade under a seat, throat pouches still flaring in panic.

“Good call,” Riku said when he could talk again. Roxas shrugged a little. They could feel the wheels under them clattering along the street, much faster than they could have managed. “But we can’t see out the windows. How will we know when to get off?”

“He said we’d turn at the pier,” Roxas said. “Trolley can’t go over water, right? They’re electric. So it’ll turn too.”

“Hm.” Riku said. He called his keyblade, holding it up between them. “Water. Something else is bothering me.”

“Nngh. Thanks.” Roxas blinked water out of his eyes, sighing in relief as the slight breeze of the trolley moving cooled the moisture on his skin. “What else?”

“Even when we get there, will Sora be able to understand us?” Riku’s throat pouch flared with his sigh. “And even if he does, it’s not like he’ll know how to turn us back.”

Roxas started to shake his head, and then froze as realization set in. He grinned at Riku, feeling it spread the whole way across his flat frog face.

“What?” Riku shuffled back, against the wall. “Why are you smiling like that?”

“You know what fixes everything?” Roxas cooed, leaning in closer. “Come on, think real hard. In every single fairy tale, the best magic thing is…?”

“True love’s kiss,” Riku groaned, deflating against the floor in embarrassment. “Oh no.”

“Oh yes!” Roxas struggled not to hop in glee. “You’re gonna have to tell Sora your feeeeelings and then pucker up and smooootch him.”

“Please stop,” Riku begged, covering his face in embarrassment.

“And then I won’t ever get dragged on one of your failure dates ever again!” Roxas felt much better about everything suddenly. “This is great! Best curse ever!” Riku let out a tiny, agonized cheep. “Oh, will you stop? I’m doing you a favor. You’re taking forever for no reason and at this point it’s honestly painful to watch. Kairi’s ready to curse you herself.”

“It’s harder than it sounds, ok?” Riku muttered. The trolley leaned a little harder to one side suddenly, sliding them into each other. “It’s turning. Next stop?”

“Guess so.” Roxas edged up towards the front of the seat they were hiding under, Riku right behind him. “Get ready.”

Getting down the trolley steps was a little easier since it didn’t matter where they landed. The sun wasn’t as directly overhead anymore and the humid breeze off the water meant they could both breathe a little easier while they tried to figure out where to head next. They huddled in the shadow of a wooden piling as they looked around.

“Stork said left at the pier,” Roxas said doubtfully. The breeze from the water was nice but the glare was murder. “That one down there might be yellow? On the next block. Ugh, it’s so bright.”

“Could try asking one of your bird friends, there’s enough of the up there,” Riku commented, glancing up at the seagulls wheeling lazily above them, shrieking.

“Ha ha,” Roxas retorted. Just then a seagull did land on the top of the piling with a thump and an ungraceful scramble of wings. “Hey! Hi! Down here!”

The seagull looked over the edge, jet black eyes beady, head tilted with interest. “Mine?”

“Uh, Riku?” Roxas tried to back up slowly, the sinking feeling in his frog innards getting worse as the seagull followed his movement eagerly. “Remember how you said birds eat frogs?”

“Mine. Mine!” The seagull gathered itself, clearly preparing to dive.

“Shit, run!

They made quite a scene, two frogs hopping frantically down the road with a seagull in hot pursuit, hollering “MINE! MINE! MINE!” the whole way. Fortunately for them the seagull attracted much more of the attention being higher up, having to dodge ladies’ hats and swats from men’s newspapers.

“That’s the right place,” Riku hollered breathlessly. “It says Tiana’s! Don’t slow down!”

Roxas didn’t have the breath to answer, legs shaking with effort of springing as far as he could on each hop while dodging around feet. He also didn’t have the breath to ask what two tiny frogs were going to do when they got to the front door, other than slam into it.

“Go around!” Riku shouted. “There’s got to be a kitchen door!”

The two of them took a hard left, skidding around the corner. The seagull couldn’t bank as quickly and ended up slamming into the hanging sign, but it only stunned him for a second, his squawking still close behind.

“There, there!” Roxas caught sight of the kitchen door, a split door with the top half propped open in the heat. “Come on, we can make it if we get a running start!”

“Let’s go!” Riku agreed, going as fast as he could on tired legs. “Sora! We’re out here!”

A crash behind them of the seagull in hot pursuit gave Roxas a last burst of strength, joining in on hollering Sora’s name. To his relief, the familiar brown spiky hair in question appeared in the open half of the door, leaning out to look around.

“I really swear I heard my name,” he muttered, hands on his hips.

“SORA!” Riku and Roxas both roared, but Sora was still looking up, the seagull’s racket drowning them out.

“The heck is his problem?” Sora wondered. “Tiana, c’mere, there’s this crazy seagull doing…I don’t know what he’s doing!”

“Jump!” Riku said, speeding up for a long, high leap, that sent him right over the bottom half of the door, past Sora. Roxas, on the other hand, didn’t quite make it, his shorter legs sending him headfirst into the wood of the door and dropping him to the ground, stunned.

“What the heck?” Sora asked. He bent down to pick up Roxas, cradled gently in his hands. “Aw, poor little guy. That looked like it hurt!”

It really fucking had hurt, Roxas’s head ringing and one leg throbbing. He tried to gasp Sora’s name and was only getting a panicky, wheezing cheep cheep to come out.

“Well, we’ll fix you right up! Cure!” Sora grinned down at him as green swirls of magic bloomed and sank into his slimy skin, clearing Roxas’s head. “Hm, better kiss it better too, that always works.”

“No, wait,” Roxas said, trying to scramble away, but it was too late, Sora’s lips pressed firmly on the top of Roxas’s head.

There was a burst of light, although that might just have been Roxas’s concussion, and then more vertigo and Roxas was falling out of Sora’s hands to thump hard on the ground. Sora and Roxas stared at each other, Roxas panting hard and disheveled. Riku was on the ground beside him, also blinking and trying to push the wild, damp tangles of his hair out of his face.

“Roxas?” Sora asked. “Why were you a frog? Riku! And why are you both naked? I mean, I know I told you two to have a good time and it is New Orleans and all, but what the heck were you doing? And you’re kinda…slimy.”

“It’s mucus,” Roxas said sourly. Riku burst into slightly hysterical laughter, slumping against Roxas’s side.

Once they were cleaned up, dressed, and settled in front of a plate of beignets Tiana and Sora had spent the afternoon baking, Riku told the whole story. Roxas was content just to stuff his face, his ankle propped up on an extra chair with a chunk of Blizzard-cast ice; Sora’s Cure had healed it mostly, but he’d done a big enough number on it that it still felt weird and achy.

“Oh, that Shadow Man!” Tiana said, slapping the edge of the powdered sugar shaker too energetically, dusting all of them liberally along with the beignets. “We keep scaring him off, but he always comes back!”

“We’ll take care of him after dinner,” Sora promised. “But what I don’t get is, what broke the spell?”

“Sure wasn’t true love’s kiss,” Roxas said, giving Riku the beady eye. Riku coughed, ears turning pink. Sora shrugged and shoved another pastry in his mouth, sugar going absolutely everywhere.

“Oh, that’s not how it works around here,” Tiana said, finally pulling up a chair for herself. “At least, not for frogs. Don’t you guys know that story? The only way to turn the frog back to a handsome prince is a kiss from a princess.”

“What?” Sora exclaimed, laughing through his full mouth. “M’not a princess!”

“Must be,” Tiana shrugged, a wicked glint in her eye. Roxas liked this one. “You got a couple of princes, didn’t you? And they’re very handsome.” She reached across to pinch Riku’s cheek, making him go absolutely scarlet.

“Yeah, you’re never living this down,” Roxas informed Sora, who groaned. “Sora, Princess of Heart. Has a nice ring to it.”

“Shut up!” Sora shoved at Roxas, and Roxas shoved back, leaving white sugared handprints on each other’s hoodies. “Whatever. Come on, Riku, help me put down all the chairs for Tiana for dinner service.”

“Ya’ll don’t have to do that!” Tiana called, but they were already standing up, walking so close their shoulders bumped as they squeezed through the doorway to the dining room, Sora’s laughter wafting behind them. Tiana looked at Roxas, eyes knowing. “How long do you think before those two figure it out?”

“You know, I think they might be getting close,” Roxas answered, feeling generous with a whole plate of sugared, fried dough in front of him. “Still got another chance to get cursed when we go after the Shadow Man later. Maybe he’ll be good for something after all.”

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