Harry Potter, Get Out of This House

Title: Get Out Of This House [MWPP]
Rating/Warnings: PG for puerile violence (YOU TOUCHING ME).
AN: Written for the 2005 Sekrit Projekt, Track 7.
Summary:

Go back to your mama, go back to high school
Get out of this house
–Shawn Colvin

Track 7: Get Out Of This House

“Why don’t you just to go Slytherin where you belong?” Potter demanded, fists clenched.

“I would if I could,” Black shot back, sprawled bonelessly across his bed. “Then I wouldn’t have to listen to your drivel any longer!”

Remus shared a sympathetic look with Peter in the bed next to him, who was trying to do his herbology essay, but really looked as though he wanted to crawl under his bed. Peter’s pet rat had already burrowed under his pillows to escape the noise, although once in a while the tip of his nose emerged, whiskers wriggling, when Peter crinkled the wrapper of the Bertie Bott’s he was eating.

Remus didn’t blame him, quite frankly.

“I’ll tell you what I’ll do with your bloody socks!” Potter advanced on Black menacingly, but Black didn’t move.

“You just try it,” he sniffed. “My father will have you out of here before you can say ‘Slughorn.'”

“He’s got a good long time to do it then,” Potter spat, then looked suddenly sharp. “That’s what’s got your knickers in a twist, isn’t it? You didn’t get an invite!”

Remus turned away as Potter broke into cackling laughter.

“Peter,” he asked, trying to ignore the scuffle breaking out behind him, “do you still have that map we found stuck to the end of your bed?”

“Hmm?” Peter looked blank for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah, it’s right in my trunk.” Peter leaned over the foot of his bed to pull his trunk open and rifled around in it a bit. The fight seemed to be drawing dangerously near to Remus’ bed, so he hopped off it and approached Peter’s just as Peter located the map. “Here.” He handed the parchment to Remus.

“Thanks.” Remus unfolded the creased parchment and examined it for a long moment, turning it around several times. Potter let out a particularly loud screeched curse, and Peter jumped. “I thought I saw a way to the…aha!”

“What?” Peter leaned over to look at the map too.

“Want to grab a late night snack?” Remus asked, pointing at the kitchens on the map. Peter’s eyes lit up, then he chewed his lip a little.

“But it’s after curfew,” he said. He glanced over at Potter and Black, but Remus refused to look at all.

“These are mostly side passages.” Remus traced his finger along the route that looked most promising. “It’ll be fine. Or you could stay here with Punch and Judy.”

“Which one’s Judy?” Peter asked, peering at Potter and Black more closely.

“OW!” Black bellowed. “DON’T TOUCH MY HAIR!”

“Let’s just go,” Remus folded the map back up and stuck it in his pocket.

“Rat, come here,” Peter called, patting the bed. A crash behind him made both him and Remus jump. “I don’t think it’s exactly safe here…” Rat’s nose emerged again, then he shuffled out suspiciously, ears flat, and allowed Peter to scoop him up and pocket him.

Dodging the flailing limbs of their roommates, Remus and Peter headed out the door.

They returned about an hour later, laden with sandwiches, apples, and still-warm chocolate chip cookies, to find Potter and Black sprawled on the floor with their wands, the Howler that still bore the Black Crest half-dismantled in between them.

“You didn’t break each other’s legs, did you?” Remus inquired, setting his pile down on his bed. Peter struggled to the same without tipping over Rat, who was laying across the top of the pile. As soon as he hit the bed, he sank his teeth into a cookie nearly as big as he was, and lurched across the bed, dragging it under Peter’s pillow.

“You’re a pill, Lupin,” Potter announced, and when he lifted his head, Remus saw that he had a black eye that was practically house colors. “Oi, Pettigrew, toss us one of those apples.”

“Two!” Black ordered absently without looking up, and Peter was so startled that they used his name that he complied without hesitating. Remus made a disgusted noise.

“It’s no good,” Potter said in between crunching, going back to the work at hand. He prodded at the scarlet paper with his wandtip. “If we try to separate the recording charm and the augmentation charm, the whole thing’ll unravel.”

“Damn!” Black flicked his wand with a lazy “Incendio” and reduced the remains of the Howler into a pile of greasy ash, except for the gold ribbon, which refused to burn and simply smelled horrible while melting into the carpet.

“What now?” Potter asked as Remus waved smoke out of his face and went to push open the window. Black poked him with his wand, and Potter shoved back, and it looked like they would be exactly where they started, except then Black’s eyebrow raised.

“Where’s that map you had, Pettygrowth?”

“Knew that wasn’t going to last long,” Peter grumbled, digging in his pockets for the map while Potter sniggered. He knew he’d put it in here somewhere after Remus gave it back. A crinkling noise made him glance at his bed, where Rat, cookie successfully stashed, was trying to drag the map off as well; fortunately, an apple had rolled on top of it, weighing it down into the soft blankets.

Shooing his disgruntled pet away, Peter handed the map over.

“Now this,” Black spread the map before him on the ground, smoothing out the creases, while James pressed close against his shoulder to have a look, “this I can do something with.”