Kyou Kara Maou, If It Weren’t For My Horse

Title: If It Weren’t For My Horse [Yuuri, Shori, etc]
Fandom: Kyou Kara Maou
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 for Shori’s professional relations
Summary: Yuuri is a bit stressed between running a country and the baby and university, and Shori is shockingly not a lot of help.
AN: Mousapelli’s Birthday Theme 9: If it weren’t for my horse, I never would have spent that year in college

If It Weren’t For My Horse

“Your Majesty?” Conrad’s voice was soft, and his touch against Yuuri’s shoulder light. “It’s time to get up.”

“Julian went to sleep twenty minutes ago,” Yuuri grumbled, then cracked one dark-ringed eye open to glare, “and if you wake him up I will fire you.”

“You don’t have the authority to do that, Your Majesty.” Conrad’s smile was fond and sharp, and obviously a reminder of all the times Yuuri had nettled him about his state of being during Arielle’s infancy.

“Then I’ll demote you,” Yuuri snarled, clinging more tightly to his pillow. “I’ll demote you until Yozak is your boss.”

“Now now, Your Majesty…”

“Stop calling me that!”

A thin wail rose from the bassinet on the other side of the bed, which Yuuri echoed. Wolfram snored on as though nothing was happening.

“You shouldn’t swear like that in front of the baby,” Conrad said, stepping out of the range of Yuuri’s hands as the twenty-seventh Maou struggled from the bed, pajama legs tangled and hair sticking up in all directions.

Deprived of the violence he so desperately desired, Yuuri settled for giving Conrad the Eye and wishing Yozak would get knocked up again as he trudged around the bed to pick up his son. Julian had clearly just wanted attention in the first place, since he stopped crying as soon as Yuuri came into view and shook his pudgy little fists in imperial pick-uppy demand.

“Uncle Conrad is so on diaper duty,” Yuuri crooned, swinging Julian up and making him giggle. “Isn’t he? Isn’t he? Yes, he is! Conrad, leave him, he’s been up and down all night.”

Conrad, who had been reaching over to shake Wolfram awake as well, let his hand drop at the order and turned back to face Yuuri.

“You need to hurry, Your Majesty,” he reminded.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Yuuri rolled his eyes. “I am not going to class today! Look at me! Do you have any idea how much sleep I’ve had in the last four days?”

“Yes,” Conrad said, “because in addition to your running verbal updates on the situation, Gunter has been taking quite copious notes. And you’re going.”

“I’m not!” Yuuri protested as Conrad gently pried Julian out of Yuuri’s grip and laid him down next to Wolfram. Julian immediately fisted his hands in Wolfram’s nightgown and closed his eyes. “I refuse! And we can’t just leave Julian there, Wolfram is a very violent sleeper! It’s not safe!”

As both of them watched, Wolfram elbowed Julian in the side, and Julian kicked him in the ribs.

“Okay,” Yuuri admitted, “maybe it’s fine. But I’m the Maou here, and I…”

“Have completely forgotten that you’re meeting your brother for lunch today?” Conrad offered, pushing Yuuri towards the baths. “There you go.”

“Does Yozak know you smirk like that when you talk about Shori?” Yuuri snapped, feeling even more unsettled by the dark, rich laugh that Conrad gave in reply.


“You’re late,” Shori commented, making Yuuri bare his teeth. “And you shouldn’t drink that much caffeine,” he added when Yuuri waved wildly at the waitress and mimed the biggest coffee they served delivered directly to his veins.

“You shouldn’t have such a big ugly head,” Yuuri said, flopping into the coffee shop chair and letting his cheek rest against the tabletop. He peered up at Shori with one baleful eye. “Why didn’t you tell me university sucked?”

“Because it didn’t,” Shori said, taking a small sip of his coffee. “But then again, I hadn’t rushed recklessly into ruling a whole country and fighting wars and marrying the first boy I bumped into in a nice uniform and…”

“If the next words out of your mouth,” Yuuri growled, “aren’t ‘thank you, little brother, for bearing me the cutest nephew in the universe!’ I’m going to kill you with my teaspoon.”

“His cuteness certainly is surprising,” Shori said, raising an eyebrow. Yuuri kicked him under the table. “Where exactly is my nephew, speaking of?”

“Mom’s got him.” Yuuri picked up his head just far enough to put it in his hands. “I told her, no more pink, it gives me the chills when he and Wolfram match.”

As the waitress arrived with Yuuri’s coffee, which came in an orange mug the size of his head labeled “SHOCKER!”, Shori pulled out his cell phone and thumbed several buttons.

“Yes,” he said into the phone, while Yuuri upended the sugar container into his drink, “yes. Plan D. Yes. I’ll tell him.” He snapped the phone shut and tucked it back in a pocket while Yuuri stared at him in puzzlement. “Dad’s taking a half-day. He’ll take Mom and Julian out to lunch.”

“Oh thank god,” Yuuri sighed, taking a gulp of coffee and yelping as it scalded his tongue. He gave Shori a sheepish smile. “Thanks, Shori.”

“Can’t you call me big brother?” Shori asked, resting his chin on his hand.

“Can’t you go to my classes and take notes for me?” Yuuri whined. “You’re not even Maou yet here! What do you even do all day?”

“Probably more than you, since I don’t have an entire harem of male assistants,” Shori shot back, waving the waitress back over to refill their coffee, and adding, “and get my brother a sandwich, he could collapse at any moment.”

“I hope you have a hundred sons,” Yuuri hissed, letting his head clonk back down against the table. “A hundred.”

Shori reached over and slid fingers into Yuuri’s hair to lift his face up, then slid a napkin under his face and let it drop again.

Yuuri made it halfway through the sandwich before he landed forehead first in the coleslaw and started snoring.


“Buzzah?” Yuuri asked when something cold slapped him in the face, but by the time he blinked enough times to actually see, he found himself on his ass in Shinou’s pond. He almost just let his eyes slip shut again, these lily pads were surprisingly comfortable…

“You wimp!” Wolfram’s voice shattered the peace, and strong hands were locked under Yuuri’s armpits, lifting him to his feet. “You didn’t even wake me up when you kidnapped our son and abandoned me for that other world of yours!”

“You were asleep until half an hour ago,” Conrad pointed out, and Yuuri pried his eyes open to see both of them standing at the pond’s edge, Conrad holding Wolfram firmly back by the collar. “Hello, Shori.”

“Conrad.” And Yuuri realized that the rough fabric his cheek was resting against was being worn by his brother, who was standing in the pond next to him, wearing a Julian-filled snuggly on his chest and a lily pad on his head.

“Wha?” Yuuri asked, wiping some water off his face and shaking his head.

“You fell asleep in the coleslaw,” Shori said, starting to slog towards the edge of the pond while pushing Yuuri in front of him. “I wasn’t about to trust you with my nephew.”

Yuuri grumbled to himself as he let Wolfram yank him out of the water and hug him. The tension drained out of Yuuri’s shoulders as he wrapped his arms around Wolfram’s waist, and he sighed happily as he buried his nose in Wolfram’s soft hair.

“Idiot,” Wolfram admonished, pinching his side. “Wake me up when you’re leaving. How am I supposed to protect you and Julian?” He sniffed Yuuri’s forehead. “And what’s that smell?”

“Eh, Shori was right there…” Yuuri cracked an eye to look over Wolfram’s shoulder, then frowned. “Conrad, you’re a married man! Ah, sort of…”


“Look at that jerk,” Yuuri grumbled, gesturing at Wolfram , who was sparring with Yozak in the courtyard. Yuuri was sprawled out on the steps of the castle, next to Shori. Julian was napping in the snuggly against Shori’s chest again, and once in a while one of the maids came out to put some more freshly-baked cookies on the plate sitting in between them. “Two weeks after Julian was born he’s back in his size 30 uniform.” Yuuri took a bite of cookie. “Jerk.”

“Mmhmm.” Shori reached over and snapped off a huge chunk of the cookie, ignoring Yuuri’s squawk of protest. “You could exercise too,” he said, then popped the cookie in his mouth.

“There’s a whole plate here, you know!” Yuuri picked up a new cookie and bit into it savagely. “Besides, I’m way too tired to train. University is killing me!”

“You could always just quit,” said a voice behind them, making Yuuri choke. Shori thwacked him on the back and, with a dignity befitting the twenty-seventh maou, Yuuri snorted cookie crumbs up his nose.

Tilting his head back, he scowled at the Sage, who was grinning and patting Shori’s shoulder in a completely unnecessary way.

“I won’t lose to you,” Yuuri snapped, voice muffled as he rubbed his nose, then turned his glare to his brother. “And could you stop banging my staff for like ten seconds?”

“Ne, don’t worry, Shibuya!” Murata grinned even wider as he ruffled Julian’s hair and sat down on the step above them. “Big brother here isn’t exactly doing the banging anyway. Ooh, cookies!”

“Don’t call me that,” Shori ordered futilely. “And why do you care if he quits?”

“He hasn’t told you?” Murata stopped munching just long enough to let the sunlight glint off his glasses and chuckle darkly. “Shibuya and I have bet.”

“A bet?” Shori raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to university on a bet? What happens if you lose?”

“I have to give him Ao,” Yuuri muttered, brushing crumbs off his jacket. “It’s not my fault!” he interrupted when Shori started to say something. “I thought ‘on the honor of the Maou’s faithful steed!’ was like a figure of speech around here!”

“Not when you’re the Maou, you idiot,” Shori reached up to rub a temple.

“Saa, you could always transfer to my school,” Murata offered, nudging Yuuri with a shoulder. Yuuri shoved him back, scowling. “St. Anne’s School for Well-Educated Ladies might be challenging academically, but you can’t beat the view…”

“Oi!” yelled Wolfram, and Yuuri looked up to see his husband scowling with his fists planted firmly on his size 30 hips. “What’s going on over there?!”

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