Harry Potter, Gone Straight To His Head

Title: Gone Straight To His Head [MWPP]
Rating/Warnings: PG
Summary: Sirius isn’t sure how he got into his pants.
AN: Written for the 24-Hour Ficathon. rooneytunes wanted Sirius prancing about in leather/manly pants. They are not dumbledore’s pants, despite what you have been led to believe from other fics.

Gone Straight To His Head

“Holy hell!” Peter said, staring at the doorway, and the other Marauders turned to see Sirius standing in the doorway, in the tightest pair of leather trousers known to man. He looked like a fallen Greek god, or like the statue of one.

Particularly in the way that he wasn’t moving.

“Sirius,” James said after a moment, “take a breath.”

“Can’t really,” Sirius’ voice seemed slightly strained. “Oxygen Charm. Very useful.”

“How did you even get those on?” Peter asked.

“Not very sure,” Sirius answered vaguely, not so much leaning on the doorway as overbalancing and toppling into it. “I was holding my breath so long trying to pull them up, things went black for a bit, and when I woke up on the floor, the trousers were on.”

There was a moment of silence as the others absorbed this.

“How did you get off the floor then?” James finally inquired.

“Took some doing,” Sirius assured him tightly.

“Remus?” Peter said suddenly. “Remus, snap out of it!”

James turned to see Remus was frozen with his mouth hanging open. While he watched, a fly zipped into the cavern of his mouth, buzzed around a bit, and shot back out, all without Remus even blinking.

“Remus, you woofter,” James rolled his eyes, reaching over to pick a glass of water up off his bedside table. He held it above Remus’ head, then stopped, considered, and dumped it into his lap instead.

“AAH!” Remus shouted, leaping to his feet.

“Third time this week,” Peter shook his head sadly.

“I wish they’d just shag,” James grumbled.

“Bad luck with that,” Sirius called from the doorway. “I think I might be trapped in here forever.”

“Evanesce!” Peter shouted, pointing his wand at Sirius. The trousers vanished with an audible “POOF!”

Sirius immediately passed out from all the blood suddenly rushing to his brain.

Remus collapsed a moment later from all the blood rushing out of his.

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