South Park, Just Like Superman and Wonder Woman and/or Batman

Title: Just Like Superman and Wonder Woman and/or Batman [Craig/Tweek]
Rating/Warnings: R
Summary: Craig has a low opinion of both underwear gnomes and playing superhero, but Tweek doesn’t mind it if they can be a team.
AN: Written for Shiritori. Still on my Craig/Tweek bullshit. I’m not even sorry. It’s important everyone knows that the official page for Super Craig and Wonder Tweek say they’re both powered by love.

Just Like Superman and Wonder Woman and/or Batman

The only evidence he’s not going insane is that Craig is sitting beside him in bed, clutching his hand so tightly that it hurts.

“You see them?” Tweek demands. This has to be a dream, has to, but when he pinches his own thigh hard, it hurts. “Ack! Youreallydo?”

Craig swallows and nods, eyes wide. The underwear gnomes are ignoring them, going about their business and singing their little song. Craig turns to Tweek, brow furrowed, clearly waiting for an explanation. Tweek opens his mouth to try to explain, but only a little hiccuped sob of relief comes out instead.

“Uuurgh, sorry,” Tweek groans, using his free hand to scrub at his face. “It’s just. Nobody EVER sees them. NOBODY NNNGH EVER.”

Craig looks exhausted and bewildered, small wonder since it’s 3AM, bedhead wild without his hat, but his face is serious as he looks Tweek over. He always takes what Tweek says seriously, which Tweek both loves and hates; on the one hand its such a relief to be listened to, but on the other hand his attention makes Tweek feel like he’s melting into a puddle of emotional goo.

“Focus, honey.” Craig is still staring at him, waiting. Tweek twitches, chewing on his lower lip. “I mean…what are the underpants for?”

“Profit,” Tweek says dully. Craig furrows his brow harder. “Look, dude, IDON’TKNOW. They just always, ffffgh, I CAN’T.”

Tweek hadn’t even wanted to let Craig stay over the night at his house in the first place. He rarely had anybody over because his parents were such headcases it was embarrassing, and if they were going to have a sleepover they almost always chose Token’s because he had the biggest TV or Clyde’s because his dad was the most permissive. But Craig’s mom was on a Brownie camping trip with his sister overnight and his dad was working late, and they’d asked the Tweaks directly. Tweek had been an anxious mess about it all week because he’d been so sure that Craig wouldn’t see the Gnomes either, and for some reason that seemed more unbearable than anybody else not believing Tweek like usual.

Craig gets up suddenly, and Tweek doesn’t know what he’s expecting, but it’s not for Craig to stomp over and punt the nearest gnome like a football. The gnome bounces off the wall and lands in a heap on the floor, stunned.

“Hey! Get out of here!” he shouts at them, and for a moment everyone stares at everyone else, Tweek at Craig and Craig at the gnomes and the gnomes at Craig. Then Craig starts forward like he’s going to do the same to the rest of them, and they scatter, yelling in high-pitched confusion the whole way out the door. Craig hollers, “AND STAY OUT,” and then slams the door behind them.

Tweek is speechless, frozen in place as Craig stomps back over and crawls into bed.

“Shit, do you think your parents heard that?” Craig asks, apparently mistaking Tweek’s shock for concern. Tweek’s voice is still stuck in his throat, and Craig pokes Tweek in the cheek. “Babe? What’s wrong?”

“That was AMAZING,” Tweek finally blurts, snapping out of it. “You were like a super hero! Like, hurgh, Super Craig!”

“That’s gay, man,” Craig mutters. This boyfriend thing is only a couple weeks old, and they’re still working out what’s nice gay and what’s gay gay. Tweek doesn’t mind this one, and Craig’s face says he doesn’t hate it either.

“Save me, Super Craig!” Tweek simpers, like he’s Lois Lane or some shit. “My hero!”

“Stop!” Craig gives Tweek’s shoulder a rough shove, but he’s grinning, just a little. “If I’m Super Craig then you’re…Wonder Tweek.”

Tweek snorts. “Wonder Tweek? Why?”

“Because Wonder Woman dates Superman, duh,” Craig answers. He’s scrunching down against the pillows, getting comfortable, and even though he doesn’t feel sleepy at all, Tweek mirrors him so that they’re face to face, talking across his pillow.

“I think he dates Batman,” Tweek points out. He bites down on his lower lip to hold in the laugh when Craig scrunches his nose. “Maybe it’s both.”

“Dude,” Craig protests.

“He probably, nngh, has enough energy for b—”

“Dude,” Craig interrupts, louder. He rolls his eyes when Tweek snickers. “Keep your fucked up Tumblr headcanons to yourself. Superman’s a one-woman guy!”

Craig’s so weirdly vehement about it that Tweek can’t help asking, “What about Super Craig?”

“I definitely don’t have enough energy for two of you,” Craig says, voice flat. “Especially not if it includes the 3AM gnome kicking olympics.” He yawns hugely. “This happens every night? How are you not exhausted?”

Tweek shrugs. He’s used to it, or it’s the coffee, or he’s too much of a mess to know the difference. Craig drops off to sleep as soon as they stop talking for a couple minutes. Tweek’s a little jealous of how easy it happens, but on the other hand it’s cool that he’s the only one awake to see Craig like this, relaxed and peaceful. Tweek reaches out to touch Craig’s hair, hand already on it before he realizes what he’s doing and freezes. Craig’s a sound sleeper, though, and he doesn’t wake even when Tweek winds fingers in the soft strands.

“Good night, Super Craig,” he whispers. Wonder Tweek doesn’t mind taking the night watch.

A few weeks later, when Stan’s group of assholes has everybody playing at superheroes, Craig pronounces the entire thing gay.

“The gay kind of gay,” he clarifies, looking over at Tweek. They’re waiting for the bus in the thin morning light, the air so cold that Tweek’s eyes are watering. His hand is warm where it’s clasped in Craig’s though.

“Superman and Batman level gay,” Tweek agrees. He bites his chapped lip to keep from laughing when Craig gives him a dirty look. “But if you had to play, what powers would Super Craig have?”

“Super ass-kicking, obviously.” The bus appears at the end of the block, brakes squealing; Tweek takes a half-step back and behind Craig’s shoulder in case of catastrophic brake failure. Craig glances back just enough to catch Tweek’s eye and strikes half a superhero pose, feet planted in wide stance and free hand on his hip, like he’d have no problem at all taking all the momentum of a runaway bus square in the chest. “No one can withstand the Way of the Fist!”

Tweek snickers, nose wrinkling, and he can see the barest hint of a smirk at the corner of Craig’s mouth as Craig turns back towards the approaching bus.

They have to let go of each other’s hands to board the bus and shuffle down the narrow aisle to an empty seat. Walking even those few steps in layers of sweatshirts and coats plus Craig’s wool hat mean when Tweek grabs for Craig’s hand, he shocks both of them hard enough to make Craig grunt.

“Guess we know what Wonder Tweek’s powers are, damn,” Craig says, shaking out his hand before threading their fingers together. “Is it just shocking the shit out of me, or can you do it to anybody?”

Tweek looks down at his hands, considering. “I think it’s…weather? Nngh, yeah. Lightning and…icicles! Those can kill you if they—ACK—break off the roof!” Tweek pauses, thinking. “And rain.”

“Why rain?” Craig asks. His voice is bored, but he waits patiently while Tweek hums to himself, thinking.

“Healing,” Tweek decides. “If you’re, gah, gonna rush in punching thenyou’llgethurt! Rain to wash off blood and dirt and hnnn, whatever.” He chews on the ragged thumbnail of his free hand, sneaking a look at Craig’s face. “Mm?”

“Sure, honey.” Craig shrugs. Tweek relaxes at Craig’s agreement; Cartman’s dumbass games are way more tolerable when the two of them are a team.

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