Yuri on Ice, Vermin and Other Hotel Amenities

Title: Vermin and Other Hotel Amenities [Victor/Yuuri]
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 for honeymoons and free range lizards
Summary: Victor’s honor as a husband is being thrown into question by invasive hotel lizards.
AN: Written for Shiritori. I got left with “an assortment of miniature lizards” as my start words, so here is Yuuri giving Victor a hard time on their honeymoon.

Vermin and Other Hotel Amenities

An assortment of miniature lizards in their hotel bathroom was all it took to send Yuuri, who Victor has seen swat a thumb-sized mosquito barehanded without flinching, skittering out of the bathroom so quickly he nearly went over the edge of the balcony.

“It’s not funny!” Yuuri snapped from his side of the bed, clutching his pillow in his lap in case any lizards appeared within whacking distance.

“You’re the one who wanted to honeymoon in Hawaii,” Victor snorted from the bathroom. He was trying to shoo the lizards into a glass with one of the hotel’s glossy pamphlets about massages, but the lizards weren’t having it. One of them flared its bright red cheek pouch defiantly at Victor before skittering into the folds of the shower curtain. “You wanted a nice balcony and the ocean breeze blowing in here, so really you have no one to blame but yourself.”

“I didn’t think I had to specify no vermin as a hotel amenity,” Yuuri sniffed. He’s texting busily when Victor comes out of the bathroom, hand cupped over the glass and hoping Yuuri not wearing his glasses means he won’t notice the glass is actually empty.

“They’re harmless,” Victor tuts at him, strolling out to the balcony and miming shaking the contents of the glass out over the railing. “There, everything’s fine, see?”

Victor turns to find Yuuri with his arms crossed, eyes narrowed. “That glass was empty, Victor.”

“How dare you!” Victor demands, putting his hands on his hips and his nose in the air. “Impugning my honor as your husband and vermin exterminator!”

Yuuri, expression flat, pointed to the bedside table. A lizard was perched on Yuuri’s glasses. It inflated its throat pouch in direct challenge.

“That’s not the same one!” Victor scoffed. It was definitely the same one.

“It just licked my glasses,” Yuuri screeched in disgust. “You’re fired! I want a divorce.”

“All right, that’s done it,” Victor announced, striding towards the bed and shucking off his pajama pants. “If you’re going to get all bent out of shape over a cute little lizard, I’ll show you a lizard all right! One that’s a lot bigger than that silly thing!”

Victor!” Yuuri scolded, wrinkling his nose, but it cut off into laughter as Victor threw himself down on the bed hard enough to make Yuuri bounce a little, nearly cracking their skulls. Yuuri stuck his tongue out, eyes lit up with sass. “It’s not that much bigger.”

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