Harry Potter, Loyalty (The Going Postal Remix)

Title: Loyalty (The Going Postal Remix) [Percy, Oliver/Ron]
Rating/Warnings: PG-13
Summary: What could Oliver Wood, Weasley lover extraordinaire, possibly have to say to ‘I don’t know any of you anymore’ Percy?
A/N: A Remix of Loyalty by lyricalnights for the 2005 Remix Redux. Features a guest appearance of the Fern from ‘Third Party Loyalties’.

Loyalty (The Going Postal Remix)

18 April

Percy—

Can’t say it wasn’t a surprise to hear from you, but it was it was good to see Hermes at my window after so long. I’d be happy to meet you for a drink. Three Broomsticks on Thursday it is. I might even treat you if you’re nice, since what good’s a professional Quidditch contract if you can’t spread the wealth around a little?

–Oliver


25 April

Percy—

I had fun the other day, and I wanted to make sure you didn’t disappear for another seven years before we did it again. Next week, same time, same place, what do you say?

–Oliver


3 May

Weasley—

Sure, we can change the place for next time if you want. What’s the matter, you can’t bear to be seen with me in public? And no, I haven’t told Ron about seeing you. I think all of this is a bit silly, you know, it isn’t like we’re doing anything wrong.

Ron and Ginny are doing fine, since you asked. They’ve just moved into a new flat, although it’s just as much a hole in the wall as the last place. Honestly, you’d think an assistant coach would put his money into living someplace where you don’t need an umbrella to use the loo when it rains, but he can’t bear to leave his baby sister in the lurch.

Not like he spends that much time there anyway.

What about Gilby’s, down in Notting Hill Square? They do a fry up that’ll make your short hairs curl.

–Wood


28 May

Weasley—

Again? Merlin, man, we aren’t carrying on a bloody intrigue here! The only reason people might be talking about you is because you keep acting like there’s something to talk about. You haven’t been reading Muggle romance novels again, have you?

And while we’re on the subject, I can’t say that I’m very comfortable keeping secrets from Ron, especially one like this. Would it really be the end of the world if he knew that I was meeting an old classmate for drinks once in a while? It’s been a long time, maybe it’s time to stop acting like you’re the only Weasley left on the planet.

But, fine, you want to go someplace else, fine. But it’s your turn to pick, I picked last time.

–Wood


19 June

Weasley—

What’s the matter, Weasley, too busy to owl a mate? All your time taken up making sure the point on your head is up to Ministry standards?

You, me, and a bottle of Rosmerta’s finest, Tuesday at 6, and I won’t hear another word about it.

–Wood


31 July

Percy—

I just got back from Harry’s birthday party. The twins asked if Ron had heard from you at all, and I just stood there like a guilty idiot while Ron said that nobody had, not in years, not a single word.

I don’t like this, I don’t like it at all. I’ve been your friend since before you bemoaned your first cauldron bottom thickness, but I love Ron and I’m sick of sneaking around and practically lying to his face. Owl your brother. I don’t care which one, there’s enough to pick from certainly, but just fucking do it already!

It’s time to grow up.

–Oliver


9 August

Weasley—

Don’t think you can make me go away just by ignoring me. You know I’m right.

–Wood


14 August

Weasley—

That’s enough, you stubborn bastard. I’ll be outside your office in ten minutes and by god you’d better be there too or I’ll tell every Weasley on the island about that time you called Clearwater ‘Minerva’ in flagrante delicto.

–Wood


28 August

Weasley—

Happy birthday, old man! I know the big day was a few days ago, but I have a late present for you. Enclosed you should find a ticket for Puddlemere’s next home game, if my owl is properly recovered from his last trip to the twins’ shop. We’re facing off against the Bats, should be quite a match, but we’ve got the home advantage.

I’d really like it if you came out afterwards with us. It’d be our treat, dinner anyplace you like? If you’d rather just see the match and then vanish, that’s all right, but you should really think about it.

I’ll be looking for that orange pig head of yours in the stands, and don’t you think for a second I won’t know whether you’re there or not.

–Wood


14 September

Percy—

I’ve got to cancel our meet up this week, I’m afraid. Ron’s made a date for us to have dinner with Remus and Harry. I could ask him to change it, if I were allowed to act as though you existed and didn’t have to see you on the sly like some kind of three-Knut strumpet.

I mean it, Percy, it’s been long enough, I think it’s time for you to talk to someone in your family, anyone. All it would take is an owl or a floo. They miss you, and I know you miss them. What’s the worst that can possibly happen? Where’s that Gryffindor courage?

Don’t make me Howler you, man. Next week, definitely.

–Oliver


6 October

Weasley—

Here’s another copy of that article you asked me about. It’s a shame they used the picture from Ron’s Bigger is Better hair phase, but the quote from Coach Breely more than makes up for it. Try and keep that stupid plant of yours away from this one. Can’t you housetrain that thing?

He can really draw up a play, can’t he? You saw some of his new stuff at the Bats match, he’s brilliant, constantly doodling plays on anything he can get his hands on in the flat, there’s no stopping him when he’s got an idea. The other day I went to put on my pants and found the Bilius Switchback stretched over my left arsecheek.

Wednesday then? I know we’ve got out of the habit, but you won’t rid yourself of me that easily, Weasley.

–Wood


21 October

Weasley—

Is it your week or mine to pick? I can’t keep track of anything with all these bloody away games. Where the hell does the time go?

–Wood


12 November

Percy—

Ron and I have a bit of a special day coming up. Next week is our two year anniversary, and we’re throwing a party, it would mean a lot to both of us if you were there. You don’t have to stay long, but all your siblings will be there (except Charlie, that wankstain, because apparently Chinese Fireball eggs are more important than his little brother).

It’s a good chance, Percy. Trust me, they miss you just as much. Please think about it. You don’t even have to bring anything.

–Oliver

PS—Unless you’ve got more of that ’86 Medoc lying around. That stuff put hair on my eyeballs!


19 November

Percy—

You know, it was all right if you didn’t want to come, you didn’t have to make up some pathetic excuse. I lived with you for seven years, Weasley, and you’re allergic to nifflers, so don’t feed me that shit.

You damn Weasleys are all alike, do you know that? And it’s your week to pick.

–Oliver


22 December

Weasley—

Been ages, man, your owl die? I would’ve owled sooner, but it’s a zoo around here with the holidays coming up. Seems like every five minutes one of your relatives is dragging us off to some Christmas party or Hanukah pageant or Solstice orgy.

Well, not so much of that last one, unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, since that’s a side of your baby sister I’d just as soon not see.

And I know you’re going to spend Christmas alone in that flat of yours. You’re more than welcome to drop by Christmas dinner over here if you get lonely. Plenty of food and eggnog to go around, I promise.

–Wood

PS—I thought about holding your present hostage, but then you’d probably stay away just to be perverse, so I sent it along. Hope you like it, it’s just like that one you had in fourth year. Only with a few, ah, extra features.


6 January

Weasley—

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

…some fucking signs of life. Where have you been? It’s your week.

–Wood


20 January

Weasley—

Saw the news report, huh? Yeah, watching it in person was a lot worse, believe me, but the worst of it’s past now, and Ron’s set to come home day after next if nothing else happens. I was a bloody wreck, any longer and I would have been dragging your arse in here to see your brother even if I had to Imperio you.

Ron’ll be at home recovering for a week at least, you should stop by. He’d want to know you’re thinking about him. Plus this way, he can’t run away, right? Right?

Safe to say I’ll be canceling this week. Sorry about the shaky penmanship too.

–Wood


2 February

Weasley—

Six more weeks of winter, looks like. It’s got so that I wonder why I bother even drying out between matches.

And speaking of mammals seeing the sun for the first time, Ron is up and around finally. He’s desperate to get back to coaching, but it’s his own fault. If he hadn’t pulled that stunt in Glasgow, we wouldn’t have had to ban him from the pitch. Honestly, you call me deranged, but even I know better than to get on a broom with a cast like that.

No one’s happier than me, after two weeks of a housebound Weasley, I was ready to break my own legs just to get the peace of St. Mungo’s. How did your mum survive you lot having Horklump Pox?

It is so your week. You Weasleys owe me. You owe me so much…I can’t even think of what you owe me. But it starts with Firewhiskey.

–Wood


19 February

Weasley—

You haven’t forgotten that your ickle baby brother’s birthday is coming up fast, have you? You know what would be the best present you could get him?

Coming to his party. I won’t even make you jump out of his cake. Come on, you can’t hold out forever. And that’s not meant to be a challenge either, git.

Besides, seeing the look on his face when he opens my present will be well worth your while, trust me.

–Wood


6 March

Weasley—

Ron’s out of town for a few days on a scouting trip. Come over for dinner? You can keep me company in the big empty flat.

Merlin, it really is like we’re having an affair, isn’t it? You’ve got to do something about this.

–Wood


22 March

Weasley—

Must escape flat. Boyfriend scrawling plays on every available surface in preparation for playoff season. Am in imminent danger of becoming the playbook.

Nothing a Super Fudge Explosion won’t cure. Fortescue’s at 6?

–Wood


12 April

Weasley—

Do you realize that next week will be the one year anniversary of our little intrigue? Twelve months is a nice round number to finish it out with, don’t you think? A nice clean ending, that’s what this needs.

How about you get to it, Weasley.

In celebration of the event, however, I’ve sent you tickets to our next playoff match. We’re pretty well out of the running, what with Bolt’s injury and Doyle’s suspension, plus McHarris still has turned up yet, so this might be our last official match before tour season. Still, we’ll put up a good fight in your honor, so I’d better see you there.

And the offer for drinks afterwards still stand. If you wait until Ron’s drowned his playoff woes with a Butterbeer or fifty, he might not even notice he’s made up with you until it’s too late.

–Wood


25 April

Weasley—

Got to cancel. Looks like Ron might have found one of your letters, and now he’s pulled a demiguise.

Told you this couldn’t go on. Damn every last one of you fucking Weasleys.

–Wood


28 April

Percy–

I know you’ve been seeing Oliver

It’s been a long time

I really miss

Dammit, Percy, just come over.

–Ron

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