JE, Attack of the Kiss Ninja

Title: Attack of the Kiss Ninja
Unit for Points: Kis-My-Ft2
Word Count: 100 x 8
Characters/Pairings: Kis-My-Ft2, ABC-Z, Snowmen, various jrs, Tackey.
Author’s Notes: NOW I AM WINNING AGAIN.

Attack of the Kiss Ninja

Kitayama is sleeping peacefully in the dressing room, sprawled out over the battered couch when the attack happens. Lips are pressed firmly against his, demanding surrender, and he thinks he might even have been slipped the tongue.

Prank, he wonders? TakiCHANnel? But there’s no one in the room by the time by the time Kitayama struggles to a sitting position and forces his contacts to focus.

Senga strolls in and takes one look at Kitayama’s expression before sighing. “Kiss ninja, huh? Ah, he even got Leader! He got me this morning. I only let my guard down for a second!”

——–

“All right, which one of you was it?!” Fujigaya roars. His unit blinks at him. “Who grabbed me from behind, covered my eyes, and slobbered all over me!”

“The kiss ninja got you too?” Senga asks; Miyata snickers; Kitayama and Nikaido look disturbed.

“Dammit, how many of us has he molested?” Nikaido demands. Everyone’s hand goes up except Tamamori’s (but he’s 100% unconscious on the floor).

“Ah, disturbing.” Yokoo glances at Fujigaya, whose face is still screwed up in disgust. “Taipi? You okay?”

“INDIRECT KISS,” Fujigaya wails. Kitayama rolls his eyes and wonders if it’s safe to try another nap.

——–

The kiss ninja stalks his prey on silent feet. He only has one more to go to complete his Kis-My-Ft2 collection, and then he can move onto other game.

His last victim has been left alone in the dressing room and is snoring softly, totally unprotected. A perfect opening. He tiptoes in, braces one arm on the back of the couch and leans in for the kill, taking everything he can from his victim, whose mouth is sweet and yeilding.

Tamamori snuffles a little and rolls over, mumbling something about eels.

The kiss ninja frowns. Well, that was anti-climactic.

——–

Totsuka is used to surprise kiss attacks, to being grabbed from behind, even the blindfold isn’t that weird. But when he pulls it off, lips still tingling, there’s no smirking Goseki, no giggling Hashimoto or Kawai. There’s nobody at all.

Hadaka no Hide-and-Seek? It wouldn’t be a first. Always game, Totsuka goes to find his mysterious playmate. What he finds is his unit in a tight huddle.

“Are we teaching Hasshi a new game?” Totsuka blinks when Hashimoto’s face falls.

“OH NO!” he wails. “He got Totsuka too!”

Goseki punches Tsukada. “I told you, you were on guard duty!”

——–

“Well, if it isn’t you…” Totsuka looks around. “Ebikisu prank war?”

Kawai’s face lights up. “I did hear Taipi scream earlier!”

“It’s not us,” Yokoo comments, passing by. “We’ve all been hit too.”

“SHIT!” Miyata exclaims, bolting. “I left Tama-chan unguarded!”

Hashimoto’s face is tense with thinking. “If it isn’t us or you…then…ah, Snowmen!”

“Ah, Snowmen,” the others echo nodding. Detective Hashimoto hops up to investigate, just to protect his unit of course. If there’s a kiss ninja among the Snowmen, he’ll definitely find him! By investigations!

He’s only halfway down the hallway, though, when he hears Sanada shriek echo.

——–

Hashimoto yelps when he’s grabbed and tossed into MSM’s dressing room.

“False alarm,” Sakuma groans. “It’s just Hasshi.”

“He’s not a ninja anything,” Abe sighs, getting a “HEY!” from Hasshi.

“Non-chan, calm down,” Sanada soothes. “It was just a kiss, it’s probably just TakiCHANnel or something.” He pauses. “Maybe there was some tongue but…”

“Tongue?!” Nozawa seems to grow six inches; the other Snowmen shrink away. “Nobody kiss-ninjas Sanapi but me!”

He’s out the door like a rampaging SMAP member. Watanabe says it’s a good thing Non-chan didn’t find out about that thing last hotel; Sanada and Miyadate both facepalm.

——–

Nobody is safe. Victims stagger from corners and the bathroom at an alarming rate. Soon units start turning on each other, demanding to know exactly who has been kiss-ninjaing who behind the Jr. ni Q board.

It’s a sign of the desperate situation that Detective Hashimoto is the voice of reason.

“I know how to find him!” he exclaims, grabbing Yasui by the shirt, yanking him in for a long, searching kiss.

Yasui flails, then just surrenders.

“Nope,” Hashimoto reports, releasing Yasui. “Not him.”

“Hands up if you’re concerned this sounds like a good idea,” Yokoo sighs.

“GENIUS!” Kawai crows.

——–

Hashimoto’s idea catches on quickly, and soon it’s not so much a question of who is kiss-ninjaing everybody, as who hasn’t kiss-ninjaed anybody.

When Takizawa strolls back in after lunch break, he passes Nikaido and Senga without blinking and steps around Watanabe and Miyadate out of habit, but does pause for a moment in front of Casey Anderson and Sakuma, wide-eyed Taiga nearby.

“Unexpected,” he comments.

“Tono!” Sakuma blurts, shoving Casey out of the way. “Sorry! There’s been…um…it’s hard to explain, actually…”

Takizawa just grins, proud of his handiwork. This is going to be the best episode of TakiCHANnel ever.

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